I keep telling myself that I’m going to write in this blog on a more consistent basis, but it’s becoming harder and harder to find something original to say. But today, I’m just gonna write about what’s on my mind.

It’s been 6 months since my father passed away and I still feel a little lost in the world without him. Once again, I’m nowhere near as bad as I was right after his death, but I’m still struggling to be me. I’ve gotten my sense of humor back, but it’s still hard to get that good “everything is gonna be alright” smile going again. I think part of that has to do with all the unnecessary drama that is going on around me. I’m still dealing with a lot of crap from my father’s death so I guess that is really making it hard to move on. And then, I’m still in St.Louis! No offense to anyone or anything here, but I’m really starting to HATE this city! Just thinking about being here kinda makes my skin crawl. And for as bad as that sounds, trust me when I say I’m not exaggerating. But at the same time, I’m not too sure my work here is done. That sounds kinda dumb, right? Let me explain. If I were to leave St. Louis right now, I would be ecstatic. But at the same time, I would have that thought in the back of my mind that I’m once again leaving too many loose ends. First off, one of my best friends is going through something completely new to him. He’s about to become a father for the first time and I can tell that at times he feels a little lost in the woods. This guy is like a brother to me and I can’t not be there for him, especially since he’s had my back through some rough & tumble %#&@$! over the past year. Secondly, there’s a woman here that I’m pretty damn sure I want to spend the rest of my life with. The only thing is, I’m not too sure how she feels about me. And while I’m a big believer in the philosophy of “If you love something, let it go. And if it comes back to you, then it’s meant to be”, I can’t leave it like that. My heart just won’t let me. Those are 2 HUGE unresolved issues that I feel like I must deal with before I can leave. And for me, one unresolved issue is 2 too many.