This has actually been on my mind for quite a while, but I didn’t want to write it and sound like I’m lonely and bitter. I’m actually bitter and lonely, there’s a big difference!

So far, I have lived a little over 29 (almost 30) years on this planet, and for the most part they have been exceptional. But here within the last few years, I’ve been having this feeling in the back of my mind that something was missing. For a while, I couldn’t put my finger on it. But after thinking about a conversation I had with my father about 5 or 6 years ago, it finally hit me. I’m at a point in my life where I want to have a family, but I don’t have a family. Does that make any sense? Let me explain then. While I kinda pride myself on the fact that I’m in late 20’s and I don’t have any children, deep down inside that is eating me alive. I go places and I see guys who look like they’re close to my age or younger with their kids and I REALLY want it too. Scratch that. I’m pretty sure I NEED it. And it seems like that urgency to settle down came on so suddenly! It feels like it wasn’t that long ago that I was running around, acting wild and saying that I was too young to commit myself in that way. But now, only a handful of years removed from that frame of mind, I find myself jealous of any father I see because they pretty much have what I want. And that kinda scares me because I think that I’m getting to the point that I’m willing to settle for just about anything and anyone to get what I want. Or worse yet, I’ll give up on love and solely concentrate on procreating just to ensure that my bloodline continues. And I know I’m WAY too good of a man to allow myself to go either route. I know if my pastor reads this, she’s gonna wanna tell me that God has somebody He made just for me. And that’s all well and good, but where is she? I’m 30, how long do I have to wait for Him to send her my way?! Or did she already enter my life and I was just a little too wrapped up in my own foolishness to recognize her? But that’s enough about that, I’m gonna switch topics…

And talk about something that all people are guilty of. I’ve given women (especially black women) a lot of grief about this in the past, but now it’s time to just put everybody on blast. We tend to overlook a good person for a good looking person. Now, I’m not solely talking about physical appearance, I’m talking about materialistically attractive people as well. Y’all know what I’m talking about! How many of you women have been out with your girls and have been approached by a guy who isn’t particularly flashy (i.e. fancy clothes, flashy jewelry) and blew him off? But you see a guy walk by who looks like he’s ballin’ outta control and you’re all up in his face? Be honest. You’re not lying to me, you’re lying to yourself. I know it happens, because it seems to always happen to me. And on the same hand fellas, we are just as guilty. We go out with our friends and ignore the sister who looks like she’s got her head on straight to chase some scatterbrain, gold digging, psychopath who looks like she’s smuggling hams in her pants. It’s ridiculous and we really need to stop!

That’s all I got for tonight. I’ll check back in again when I got more on my mind. Maybe someone will have actually read this by then. Yeah right! Peace and love…