Another year older and what did I get? Not much of anything, except a new batch of regrets.

Every year, I seem to learn something new. But for some reason, this year was a little different than the past few. This year, I woke up and felt like I was 30. That’s not to say I felt like all of life’s lessons had been learned or some great mystery had finally been solved. Basically, I woke up and felt like all the childish things that had defined the last decade of my life were no longer acceptable. As I got dressed, I reflected on some of the shit, for lack of a better word, that has been going on in my life recently. And, despite my recent dreary disposition towards life, I felt pretty good. I wonder why that is…

I’ve seen a lot of people come and go in my life over the past few years. Most of them, were meaningless. Well, not meaningless, everybody has a purpose and a meaning in your life. Maybe what I’m trying to say is that most of them didn’t come across as individuals with a great deal of staying power. But there are a few, a precious few, who came along and had a profound effect on my little corner of the world in some very unique ways. And I thought, hoped and prayed that they would be around forever because I had really found myself depending on them for different things. But now, they’re gone and it feels a little lonely. And that loneliness is magnified by the fact that my world feels like a bit of a fish bowl nowadays.

But, I gotta move on. Hopefully, some of the people that have departed my world will find their way back in it. Not because I want them back, well partially because I want them back. But, there are a couple that I really need. I’m not too sure how I’ll carry on without them. Hell, I’m not too sure how I’ve managed to keep my shit together this long without them. It’s hard to lose your source of happiness and then try to be happy. Nothing seems right right now. Even the sunniest day feels cloudy. But, I guess that’s just life though.