So far, today has been one hell of a day. First, I woke up long before the sun came up. This is nothing new for me, nor is it unusual. But what stood out about this morning is that I couldn’t physically get out of the bed. Literally, all I could do was lay there and watch TV. Its a good thing there are some decent TV viewing choices between 5 & 9am (then there’s always the old reliable Sportscenter). That kind of bothered me, but I figured it was nothing serious. Boy, was I wrong. That was just a precursor for the rest of my morning…

Once I was able to drag my bones from under the sheets, I tried to go about my usual morning of sitting down and write something so I can continue to work towards completing my first (and possibly only) volume of poetry. But, I just couldn’t get myself into the mood to write. That’s wierd to hear from someone that considers themselves to be a writer. The one thing in my life that I have an absolute and unwavering passion about, I just didn’t want to do it. Once I gave up on attempting to write, I looked at a calendar. That had to be the worst thing I could do. Once I saw what today’s date was, I immediately realized that I have been unemployed for a year! Anybody that knows me knows how uncomfortable I am with my current situation, but I’ve come to grips with the fact that it seems like there’s nothing I can do to change it. Instantly, my fragile mood shattered. I fell into dark, depressing mood. I thought about causing myself some serious bodily harm. Hell, to be honest, I’m still in the same mood but I’m felling a little better about myself. Now, before anybody breaks out bible verses or armchair pychiatry degrees, let me admit that I have been diagnosed with depression. Most people that have been diagnosed with depression choose to take mood stabilizers, I choose not to. The reason behind that is because I don’t want to spend my life relying on a pill to keep me from being sad. Secondly, I’ve heard that while those medications keep you from getting too sad, they also keep you from getting too happy. I have a lot of exciting and potentially happy things left to do with my life and I refuse to not be able to show the correct emotion because of some pill I take! That just sounds dumb! Also, have you seen the commercials for those medications? How is suicidal thoughts a side effect for a pill that is supposed to help fight depression? Why waste my money on something that can happen organically? Where they do that bulls**t at?! But back to my topic…

So there I was, down in the dumps, completely depressed and ready to give up (and when I say give up, I really mean give up!) but the most beautiful thing happened. Something (I’m gonna give the credit to God because I know it doesn’t belong to me) made post how I was feeling on Facebook. I know what you’re thinking, “That’s not a big deal, everybody does that.” This is true. On a daily basis, I come across at least one of my friends reaching out, trying to share what’s really going on in their life instead of continuing to pollute the internet with mindless dribble. But what this so special to me was the outpour of concerned and inspiratioanl comments I got. Mind you, these comments were only submitted by a handful (literally 6) of people, but they went so far out of their way to make sure that tried to lift my spirit. And I don’t know how to say thank you for that but I’ll spend the rest of my life looking for a way.

I know this isn’t earth shaking to most people, but it is to me. I’m a person that doesn’t believe in letting just anyone into my world and the majority of people that have found their way into my life still aren’t privy to my most private of thoughts. I’m trying to change that though, this blog is evidence of that. What makes the events of this morning so huge and thus blog-worthy to me is the group of people that felt compelled to reach out. If I had to pick six people that I thought would go out of their way to try and cheer me up this morning, I would have been wrong about all but 2, maybe 3. That’s huge! That means there were 3 or 4 people who just so happen to be on Facebook this morning, saw my status and felt compelled to say something to me! That speaks volumes about the goodness and love that naturally lies within all of us. So why can’t we tap into that all the time? Why do we choose to either ignore or mistreat each other? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we cared about our fellow man in a fraction of the way that those 6 people did for me this morning? That’s all I got for right now. But, thanks to 6 angels, I’ll be here to share more with you later. Peace and love…