Good afternoon world! How was your New Year’s Eve? I hope you had fun, did everything you wanted to do and drank all that you could handle. If you didn’t, I’m sorry to hear that. Better luck next year. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “How can he be reflecting on a day that’s only just beginning?” That’s easy and this time the answer isn’t asinine. Today’s topic has been on my mind for the past few days, but I wasn’t exactly sure if I wanted to put it in the universe and risk the potential backlash that could follow. So, I sat on something that was burning a hole in my heart until I could find a way to express myself without causing any kind of problems.

I know you’re probably on the edge of your seat, so I’ll get right into it. First a little back story…

I’m an asshole, through and through. I’m one of those people that just doesn’t give a damn what you think, feel or have to say. Especially if it has to do with me. I’ve been known to tell people exactly what I think of them at the very moment that I’m thinking it without my heart skipping a beat. But, I’m not completely heartless. There a select few people in my life that have my ear on everything and I care very deeply about their opinions. These are the people that I think know me the best. They have the ability to call me on my bullshit, even when I don’t recognize it. I turn to them for advice on just about every subject. If they ever needed me for anything, I would drop whatever I was doing to be at their side. These are the only people in my life that I would be willing to lay down my life for. I LOVE these 4 people almost as much as I love myself, sometimes more. There are only 4 people that hold this distinction and I would be devastated if I ever lost any of them. Case in point, there were 5 at one time and one of them died. I haven’t fully recovered yet. The funniest thing to me is that none of the remaining 4 people are related to me, but I consider them all family.

And that brings me to what has my mind and heart twisted in knots right now…

It may just be my perception of the situation, but my relationship with one of the people that is closest to me seems to be a little icy as of late. And while I try to put on a front like it doesn’t bother me, its slowly eating me up inside. And if it couldn’t get any worse, I consider this person to be my best friend. I’ve know her for most of my adult life and she’s probably the one person that knows me best. On top of that, we live together. So it feels weird to walk into a room that she’s in or her to enter a room that I’m in, and there’s no interaction between us whatsoever. I’m not sure if this tenuous situation is the result of something that I’ve done or if our friendship is deteriorating. But it irks the shit out of me. Especially when she’s known for telling me exactly how she feels exactly when she feels it. So I’m left over-analyzing what I think is going on. Not a good look.

That’s all I got for today. I thought I was in more of a sharing mood, but I guess not. So until next time, peace and love…