Good morning world! I know I’ve been absent for a while, but my life has been undergoing some changes that I needed to focus on completely. Also, I didn’t have anything to say and I’d rather not post than post a bunch of bullshit. You deserve better than that. So let’s get into what has brought us together today. I know most of you read the title and started asking yourself, “What kind of message can he have for us?” Well, here it goes…

In past entries, I’ve made a big deal about the fact that I’m in my 30’s (I’ll be 32 this year) and I’m still single and childless. After careful consideration and reflecting upon my own upbringing, I consider this to be a blessing. After all, my father was 34 years my senior. Let me explain why I say that…

My father was and, in some ways, still is my role model. If you have been following along, you know the kind of relationship me and my father had. For those that are new, let me fill you in. I spent the vast majority of my life with my dad. For most of early life, he was the only parent I had. Now while I missed having my mother in my life (our relationship is still a little awkward), I feel that my father did an excellent job of instilling in me the skills I would need to be the kind of man that I should be. I was taught how to be a gentleman. I learned how to dress myself. I was given an excellent example of how a man should be able to adapt to any situation he is thrown into.

Now like every child (especially boys), I thought my dad was full of shit and rebelled against the lessons that he was trying to teach me. And just like every other child that was raised by an ADULT, my resistance was met and my rebellion squelched.

Once I reached a certain age (right before my 13th birthday), my father sat me down and talked to me about what life as a young man was gonna be like. After he shared that piece of knowledge with me, he imparted 2 rules that were laced with some very powerful advice. The first was don’t bring any children into his house unless I was ready to move out because only adults should be having children. The second was don’t get in any trouble with law and expect him to bail me out because if I was adult enough to commit the crime, I should be adult enough to suffer the consequences. I had mixed feelings about him saying that to me. On one hand, I was happy to be given the freedom to do just about anything I wanted. On the other hand, I was afraid of screwing up in such a way that my father would leave me to my own devices. I knew if that was to happen, I would most certainly be up shit’s creek without a paddle. That’s not to say that I didn’t think that my father wouldn’t be there for me if I was to stumble or make a mistake, because I knew he would be. Looking back on it, I think I didn’t want to do anything that he wouldn’t approve of.

Over the next 5+ years, I tested the boundaries of this newly gained freedom. I was promiscuous throughout middle school and high school, I drank, I stayed out late, I did everything that I could think of except for anything that I thought my dad would frown upon.

Once I reached 19, I noticed that my relationship with my father changed once again. We were more like friends instead of parent and child. I could go to my father with my concerns and issues and not get lectures and instructions, but advice on what I should do. This was huge to me because I was at an age when I was really trying to step out into the world on my own and see what life had to offer. And while I felt like I had the tools to survive, I knew I had an excellent resource in my father to draw knowledge from. His advice and the example he set proved to be invaluable to me, even to this very day.

Now, I don’t want to make it seem like my dad was perfect or some kind of parenting guru. He made his mistakes, just like any other human being. He worked too much throughout my adolescence and young adulthood. At times, he seemed to be completely disconnected from my life. He found it hard to express his emotions. But when I examine his shortcomings alongside the lessons he instilled, I have the perfect example for the kind of man, husband and father I want to be.

I say all of this to make the point that while I’m not completely pleased with where I am in my life, there are certain aspects that I am satisfied with. I’m reasonably healthy, I’m free and I haven’t put myself in any situation that I can’t get out of.

So that brings me to the message that I want to share…

To all the young people (under 18), enjoy being a child. Don’t be in such a rush to grow up. Because once you do, you can’t go back. Take this time to have fun, act like an idiot, be carefree, learn as much as you can, make mistakes, get in some trouble, but just make sure that you don’t go too far. All in all, be a kid! Don’t put yourself in situations that are meant for adults.

To my brothers, we gotta do better. Our women deserve better from us. Hell, we deserve better from ourselves! Let’s stop misusing, abusing and tearing our women down. Quit putting our women in situations that they don’t belong in. Quit laying down with women and making babies you have no intention of taking care of.

To my sisters, y’all gotta do better. Know your worth, you’re a queen and deserved to be treated as such. Quit allowing yourself to be mistreated, subjugated and dehumanized. Love yourself before you expect somebody else to love you. Quit giving yourself to these guys that you know you have no future with and making babies. You’re the givers of life and love and that shouldn’t be taken lightly, remember that.

And one final piece of advice for everybody…

Let’s stop allowing other people to dictate and define our lives. Let’s quit playing right into the stereotypes and generalizations that others have for us. Be the exception and not the rule. If enough of us do that, then the exception will become the rule. We have to be the ones to set the example for those that follow us.