Good morning world! Sorry for another one of my extended absences, my life has been in a constant state of flux this year. But, hopefully, that’s all about to change.

For those of you that either know me personally or have kept up with this blog, you know what significance today holds for me. But those of you that are new to my journey (and to remind those that may have forgotten), today marks the fifth anniversary of the passing of my father. In past years, this has been a overly emotional day for me. But for some reason, that doesn’t seem to be the case this year. Maybe its because I have SO much on my plate right now that I haven’t really had time to reflect on him not being here. But the eternal optimist in me is screaming at me that I’m finally starting to heal from losing my dad, and I so badly want to believe that. And there have been signs over the past couple of years to support the fact that I might be in a better place mentally and emotionally than I was on September 7, 2007 at 12:02 am CT. Hell, I actually didn’t realize what today was until I checked my email and saw a reminder about an entry I wrote in this very blog on this day last year. But I think that has more to do with what I’m facing in my day-to-day life than it does anything else. But like any life altering event, there are still lingering effects. For one, I’ve only been to my father’s grave twice in the 6 months that I’ve been in Kansas City. And those 2 visits weren’t exactly among my best moments.

But as I sit here in a crowded Panera Bread writing this, I’m faced with the realization that I’ll never again be the person I was before that day. I’ve lost a part of myself that I can’t recover. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, though. While I’ve lost that carefree piece of my spirit that was prevalent in my mid-20’s, I feel as if I’ve picked up a piece of my father along the way. It’s definitely noticeable in my mannerisms and thought process. Anybody that knew me before can attest to that. Its definitely a little strange to me to find myself doing things that my father did or viewing situations in the same way he would have. Maybe his death awakened something in me that I was either never able to tap in to or not willing to because of his presence. Who knows…

But that’s all I got for today. So until next time, which I promise will be sooner than 2 months from now, peace and love…