Good afternoon world! I hope this blog still finds you in good health and even better spirits. I’ve been spending a lot of time lately staring at a blank screen on WordPress, trying to figure out what I wanted to say. I have to thank someone that is becoming increasingly more near and dear to my heart for suggesting today’s topic. I know you’re looking at the title and wondering what the hell it says. Unless you happen to be fluent in Arabic, then you know exactly what it says. I could just tell you what it says, but where’s the fun in that? Continue reading, you’ll figure it out…

Everybody has something that scares them to death, no matter. I don’t care if you’re the toughest, roughest, meanest hombre around, there’s something somewhere that can turn you into a quivering mass of fear and panic. Now of course there are those superficial things that spook us. For instance, I’m deathly afraid of clowns. I saw the movie “It” as a kid and it completely screwed me up, haven’t been the same since. But that’s not the kind of fear I wanna share with you today. I’m taking about that dark thought that we all have, the one that you’ve locked in the back of your mind. The one that can freeze you in place whenever you find yourself having to face it.

For me, the great fear in my life is of being deemed inadequate in any way. I’ve conditioned myself to believe that inadequacy is a type of failure, and failure of any kind is death. Actually, failure might be worse than death in my book, purely because you have to live with the knowledge that you failed. I’m so afraid of not measuring up the standards that I, and those that matter most in my life, have set me for that I find myself afraid to try at times. I’m literally frozen out of fear of not accomplishing the goals I’ve set for myself, while also being completely unhappy with the fact that I’m not progressing towards the life I’ve envisioned for myself. And I think that’s the worst thing anybody can do.

For those that know me, you know that this is one of the few insecurities I have about myself. And its the only one that I haven’t found a way to get around or defeat outright. And I think that’s what bothers me the most. For as exceptional as I think I am, I find myself being held back by own fear of metaphorically falling. When I sit back and look at the timeline of my life, I can’t help but think that this stems from my father’s death. But that’s a conversation for another day.

And with that being said, I think I’m gonna cut this off right here. I’m not too sure exactly where my mind will go if I continue. Plus, its hard to maintain my composure when I stare into the mirror and examine the dark spots on my soul. And I’m just not in the mood to cry today. So until next time, peace and love…