Good morning world! I hope this blog finds you in good health and even better spirits. I know some of you (probably most) are looking at the title and thinking, “Is this another poem?” No, its not. Its actually the title of a song by The Weeknd that kinda suits the mood for what I’m here to talk about today.

For those that know me or have been following along, you know I’ve been single for a while. Something like 5 years now. This isn’t really an issue. Of course I would love to be in a relationship, but I want it to be the right relationship, I’m not looking to be with somebody just for the sake of changing my relationship status on Facebook. Because I’m looking for something meaningful in my romantic life, I’ve spent quite a bit of time and exhausted quite a bit of energy making sure I knew exactly what I was looking for in my next relationship. I’ve even put some thought into what I have to offer. Well today, we’re gonna flip the script. This ought to be interesting, to say the least.

First off, I’m shallow. Trust me, this is not a conclusion I came to on my own. I knew I had shallow tendencies, I nitpick about pretty much everything when it comes to my appearance. But it took my best friend to confirm my suspicion. And in the words of my best friend, “You are very looks-driven. Not just about women, about everything. Everything has to have a very meticulous appearance, or you don’t even bother with it.” And she’s right. I’m very particular about how I want the world around me to look. I feel like everything and everyone has a perfect look, a perfect aesthetic. And if that ideal level can’t be reached, I’ve been known to walk away without a second thought. I’m not like Jack Black’s character in Shallow Hall, I’m not gonna automatically disqualify a woman for the slightest “flaw.” Nor am I so delusional that I tell myself that I’m good looking enough to only date supermodels (or women beautiful enough to be supermodels). But I think there has to be a certain level of physical attraction in order for me to pursue a woman. That’s not asking too much, is it? Maybe it is…

Secondly, I’m a flirt. Let me clarify something about this right now. I am not a cheater. If a relationship has degraded to that point, I’d walk away before committing an act of infidelity. With that being said, I will flirt with just about every woman I come into contact. Especially if I find her attractive. I’ve never done it to be disrespectful and if my girlfriend were to say something about it, I would make a concerted effort to reign myself in. But I’m flirtatious by nature, that’s just the way I communicate with women. A lot of women say they have no problem with their man flirting, as long as it doesn’t lead to anything else. But its easy to say that, its a whole lot harder to live by it. But those that really know me, know that the easiest sign that I’m truly interested in a woman is if I clam up around her. If I’m flapping my gums and flirting my ass off, there’s no problem. If I’m acting like a shy little school boy, that’s when you should worry.

Third, I’m an asshole. I know its like the new, hot thing for these little boys to run around and claim to be assholes for whatever trivial ass reason they’ve concocted in their heads. That ain’t me. I hold grudges for decades. My vindictiveness goes from 0 to 100 mph in 2.1 seconds. And once you find the right button to push to get me there, it takes an act of God to get me to come back down. And this isn’t a new development in my life. There was a 4 to 5 year period during the late 90’s to early 2000’s that I got called “asshole” by so many people on a daily basis that I started answering to it like it was my name. I like to think that I’ve mellowed some since I reached 30, I try to make sure that my actions and attitude towards a situation are completely and utterly validated. But, I still have the potential to be the biggest jerk you will ever meet. The first time I heard Runaway by Kanye West, I laughed. I’ve either been guilty of or thought about doing or saying everything he said in that song.

I’m really impulsive. This comes from the fact that I have no responsibilities outside of my own safety and well-being. Because of that, I’m always quick to go shopping for a new pair of shoes or an Express t-shirt that I don’t really need. This is probably the only one of my negative qualities that could be easily and quickly overcame.

I can have a one-track mind, at times. No, this doesn’t have anything to do with sex. If I become focused on something, whether its work or my writing, its hard for me to break away until its completed. This does not apply to TV viewing. I’m just the opposite when it comes to TV.

I hate talking on the phone! This doesn’t mean I won’t call my girlfriend/wife at least once a day to hear her voice, but it does mean that I won’t sit on the phone for hours at a time. I’d rather talk in person. Or at the very least, on Skype or ooVoo. If we’re relegated to communicating by phone, I prefer text messages.

Lastly, I’m a bit of an emotional train wreck at times. This might be the one thing I hate the most about myself. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve a lot. I love hard. And fast. I hate even harder. And faster. I’ve never really understood why I am this way, which annoys me more.

I think that’s all I have for today. I just wanna say that it truly feels weird to sit here and thoroughly dissect and attack my own character. But someday, there’s gonna be a woman that’s interested in me for more than fashion advice, my writing abilities and sex. And whoever she is, she’ll need to have this information.

So until next time, peace and love…