First off, good afternoon and Happy Father’s Day world! Hopefully, this entry finds you in good health and even better spirits. I’m really trying to do better about writing on a more consistent basis. But I will admit that it’s difficult to find fresh, new topics that I can speak on in depth. But I made a promise to a friend that I would try to do better, and I thoroughly intend to keep that promise.

For those of you that know me or have been following this blog, you know that today is one of those holidays that is somewhat bittersweet for me. Actually, its a little more bitter than sweet. If you’re new, let me explain that. This is the 4th Father’s Day that I’ve experienced without my own father. While I was an emotional train wreck just a few years ago, I feel more at piece with my life today. I’m still saddened by the absence of my dad, but I feel like I’m somehow closer to becoming a father in my own right. That’s a weird statement to make, considering the fact that I’ve been single for the last 4 years and wouldn’t exactly say that my relationship prospects are the most concrete at this time. But something that I’ve learned from examining my life and reminiscing on the actions of my father , is that it doesn’t take impregnating a woman to make a man a father. My dad was considered a father figure by more people than I care to even attempt to count. He took the time to make sure that he made a lasting and positive impression on anyone that felt themselves drawn to him. I feel myself being summoned to lead my life in a very similar way. There entirely too many young boys and girls in this world that are growing up without the influence of a strong positive male influence, and I think every man should feel like its his duty to take one (or more) of these children under his wing and help guide them to being the kind of men and women that God wants them to be. That doesn’t mean you have to become financially responsible for that child, but you should be emotionally invested in that child’s welfare. Because it really does take a village to raise a child. The forces of evil (I’m sorry that that sounds like something straight from a Saturday morning cartoon) are more than willing to gang up and tag team to railroad young folks into the ways of the wicked. So why shouldn’t the righteous and good people of this world be willing to do the same? Our children are our future, and it is up to us to show them the way. As I look back on the 31+ years that have been granted on this planet, one of my most treasured achievements is being able to be a mentor to a small group of young men in Atlanta. It touches my heart in an indescribable way when I hear (or read) of them boasting about the things they have been able to accomplish in their lives and attribute a small portion of the credit to me.

A lot of men have a misconception of what it means to be a father. They think that because they laid down with a woman and got her pregnant, they’re automatically a father. Conception is the easy part of parenthood. Once that child is birthed into this world, the real work has just begun. Maybe because I don’t have children of my own, but I just don’t understand how any male that has the audacity to call himself a man could ever turn his back on his child. Especially his son. How can you not want to be fully invested in the raising of your kids?! It doesn’t make sense to me. Whether or not I was with the mother of my children, you would have to kill me in order to keep me from wanting to be involved with them. What has happened to the last few generations of men that makes them feel like its okay to make all these babies but not be there to support them? And that support doesn’t always have to be in the form of money, sometimes just spending time with your kids and showing an interest in what matters to them means the world. Why is it that men that think like me are the exception and not the rule?

I think the problem lies in what most guys think defines them as a man. Your manhood is NOT defined by the things you own, how much money you have or make, the number of women you sleep with or any other worldly measurement. It is instead defined by the sum of your actions. There’s no amount of money that can buy you a good spirit. There are no earthly possessions that will help you gain favor with God. We, as men, need to stop perpetuating the stereotypes and half-truths that have been passed down to us by our predecessors. We have to look at the sins of our fathers and make a conscious choice to not repeat them. I look back on all the things that I learned from my father and I realize that some of his greatest lessons were conveyed without a single word being spoke. I learned more about the kind of man I wanted to be just by observing what my father did and didn’t do. No woman, I don’t care how great of a mother she is, could have passed on those lessons.

I hate to rain on some people’s parades today. Actually, no I don’t. Somebody out there needs to hear this. Women, quit trying to garner extra accolades on Father’s Day just because you’re in the position to play both roles to your kid/kids. I never understood women that wanted to take additional credit for raising their child. You’re not doing anything other than what you’re supposed to do because the situation you’re in dictated how you were supposed to act. Yeah, its messed up that you’re a single parent and its great that you’ve taken on the role of both parents. But no woman will ever be able to fully replace a man when it comes to being a father. Just like no man will ever be able to replace a woman when it comes to being a mother. So leave FATHER’S DAY for the FATHERS. Because y’all would be upset if a single father tried to do the same thing on Mother’s Day. But maybe that’s just my opinion…

So, in closing, I’ll end with something that my pastor has said over and over this whole weekend: “Its time for us men to man up and quit hiding in our stuff.” Peace and love…

Good evening world! I wasn’t sure if I was gonna post another entry before Father’s Day (because I have something somewhat special planned for Father’s Day), but I remembered a conversation that I was having on Facebook and decided to expand my views on that into a full blown rant.

Now, we’ve all been out and about and seen young black men and women in flashy cars and nice clothing. And some of use even know some of them personally and know that they’re living in virtual squalor because of the image they are trying to portray. But why? What’s the point? If you ask me, its because most black people are more concerned with how their perceived by the world than caring more about being able to survive in this world. That’s why you have guys that are driving $50,000 cars, but staying their mom’s basement. Niggas would rather be thought of a rich and successful instead of going out and trying to be rich and successful. I call it “The Video Life” syndrome. Young black men and women see their favorite artists on TV driving around in nice cars and wearing expensive clothes and they want to emulate that life at any cost. What most of them don’t know is the cars in the video are more than likely rented and the clothes are on loan. Most artists don’t live the life that they’re peddling to these kids, so why should the average person try to do it with less money?

I think that’s all I got for now. I thought I would have more to say about this topic, but I guess not. So until next good people, peace and love…

Good afternoon world! Let me start off by doing what I usually do, apologize for my absence. It feels as though my life is going through 10,749,749,264,963,057 changes right now and only about half of them appear to be for the better right now. I said it like that because I’m trying to have faith that everything I’m going through right now is for the ultimate good and will eventually show dividends in making me the person I’m destined to be. But right now, its kind of hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s get back to what has brought us all together today, the insane ramblings of my cluttered mind…

For those of you that didn’t know, I moved back to my place of birth a few months ago. That’s one of those changes that I’m unsure of now, but I think will be the best thing for me later on. Now I know you’re wondering, “Why did he say his “place of birth” instead of saying hometown?” That’s very simple. I have never, not ever considered Kansas City, MO to be my hometown. I acknowledge that this is where my physical life began, this is where I spent the first decade plus of my life, this is where the vast majority of my relatives live. By definition, this is my hometown. But, in my heart, I feel like a visitor every time I set foot in this city. Its kind of strange. I think a large part of it has to do with the fact that I spent my formative years in other cities. When my father and I left KC in September of ’93, I began a whirlwind tour of the country that has seen me live in 5 different cities in 5 different states over the last 18+ years. Hell, I’ve had multiple stints 3 different cities in that period of time. Every time I tell somebody about the places I’ve lived, their first inclination is to ask if my father was in the military. He wasn’t. My dad was retailer that was exceptional at what he did for a living and the skill set that he developed over his life put him at the top of his employer’s list of candidates to move around. But back to the topic. Since I’ve reached adulthood, I’ve frequently been asked which city that I have lived in do I consider to be home. Now, here’s where the story gets interesting. If you had asked me that question 10 years ago, I would answer St. Louis, MO without any hesitation. St. Louis is where I felt like I grew up, came into my own. But its also the city that saw me suffer through the roughest patch of my life. Its the city where my father drew his last breath, its where I had my first adult relationship, its also where I suffered my first true romantic heartbreak. So its safe to say that my love affair with the Gateway City has cooled off considerably. Now, that’s not to say that the answer has changed, I just choose to take more time to reflect on my life before I answer. The funny thing is, if you ask certain people (especially family members) where I’m from, their answer is always Atlanta. And they tend to say it in a way that makes people believe that I was born in the Peach State. I always find that funny. But that’s not why we’re here today either, just a funny tidbit of my life that I wanted to share…

Since I have moved back to KC, I’ve tried to mold myself into the person that I think I’m meant to be by slowly letting go of the person that I had spent the previous 16 years turning myself into. That’s not to say that there was anything wrong with who I was. Scratch that, that’s a bold faced lie. If you knew me prior to the beginning of my second metamorphosis, you would be inclined to think I was an asshole. And you would be absolutely correct in your thinking. I treated everyone, save for a select few people, like shit. I drank more than a confessed alcoholic should, I cursed like a sailor, I was beyond arrogant. In short, I was a joy to be around (sarcasm). What makes it worse is that these are things that I recognized and hated about myself, but had no intention of ever changing. I had gotten to the point where the shell that my assumed persona provided was a comfort to me because I didn’t have to worry about anybody getting too close to me, finding their way into my heart and then leaving me alone. My thinking was, “If you can’t get past the wall, you can’t invade the castle.” That’s the worse way to live life. Ever. Okay, it might not be the worst ever known to man, but its the worst that I can think of. Living a life surrounded by people but to ultimately be alone and lonely. I can’t think of a more horrible way to torture myself. I find myself paying the price for it now, and probably will continue to for the forseeable future. 

Another piece of my life that I’m trying to make alterations in is my personal relationship with God. I’m not exactly sure when and where I strayed away from the flock, but it was one of those things that I always felt like I needed to change. The bad part is that I was (and in some ways still am) my own worst enemy in regards to knowing my Heavenly Father. At some point along the way, I made the conscious decision to walk away from church. I can’t really tell you what it was that made me make that decision, but I wish I could go back in time and kick my own ass for it. But, certain mistakes can be rectified, hopefully I’m on the path to fixing what I broke…

I’m thinking that’s all I got for today. If I come up with more, I know where to find you guys. But until then, peace and love…

Good afternoon world! I know I been gone for a while, I sincerely apologize. I would promise to never do it again, but I’ve done that before and I never keep that promise. But I promise to try to do better. Enough with the contrition, let’s get into today’s topic…

The above picture is right. Swag is for boys, and class is for men. A lot of people don’t realize this, but there’s a difference between being classy and having “swag.” Most people believe that the difference between swag and class have to do with the way a man dresses. The truth is neither one of them are completely dependent upon a man’s age or his sense of style. You can instill a basic sense of style in a person of any age, you can teach a person how to coordinate their clothes and dress themselves properly. But class is something that a man naturally has, its something he’s born with, its not something that can be learned or copied. Swag is something that the legions of classless bastards and ignorant ass rappers came up with to sell records and perpetrate like they have something that they don’t. You can copy swag from another person. They are NOT, I repeat, THEY ARE NOT THE SAME THING!

I think Jay-Z is probably one of the classier people I can think of right now and definitely the classiest rapper in the game. There’s something about him that gives you a feeling that even if he wasn’t rich and famous, he would carry himself as if he was rich and famous. No matter what he’s wearing, he looks like he’s worth a million dollars. The outfit he has on in this picture could cost less than $300 (even though I highly doubt it) but you would never know. He carries himself in a way that separates and elevates him from those around him. He projects CLASS.

Conversely, SWAG is what these mentally and physically little boys try to pull off in the attempt to portray what a grown man naturally has. They bite off the style of another. They’re overwrought with labels and name brands because that’s what’s important to them. They dress themselves to impress the world around them instead of to make themselves feel good.

Before anybody says it, I’m not taking a shot at Lil’ Wayne as an artist. While I might not be the biggest fan of his, I think the dude is incredibly talented and I like his music. I’m purely using him as an example of what swag is. That’s not to say that Wayne isn’t a stylish individual, because he is. But his style aesthetic is on a different level. No matter what he’s wearing, he still looks like the average nigga from the hood. He could spend thousands of dollars on what he’s wearing (and he probably does), but he would still look like the average nigga from the hood. That might be the look he’s going for, but that’s not what class is.

Now, Kanye West is the one person that I can think of that walks on both sides of this line. The guy is my style icon. There are times, like in this picture, that he just exudes class. Then there are other times that he looks like he turned his swag up to “one hundred thousand trillion” and he almost looks tacky. The leather skirt he wore on the Watch the Throne tour comes to mind. Those are the times when I wonder why Kanye West is my style icon.

I also think a lot of people are confusing SWAGGER for SWAG. They’re 2 completely different things. I’m a grown man and, no matter what I’m wearing, I carry myself accordingly. I exude confidence, class, charisma and intellect at all times. I have a style aesthetic that enhances and accentuates what I think are my best qualities. That’s the SWAGGER of a grown man. Swagger and class go hand in hand, one complements and enhances the other.

All of this not to say that a young boy that’s “dripping with swag” can’t become a man that’s “covered in class.” When/if it happens for us, it happens at different times. But its also something that has to be nurtured. I was blessed to have a classy man as a father that pushed me in the direction to develop into a gentleman with class. But before somebody can guide you down the right path, you have to choose it. Or it has to choose you. Same difference…

I’ll close by reiterating that its not what you’re wearing, but how you wear it. I can dress down in shirt and some jeans and look better than one of these young dummies would in a suit. Its all in how you carry yourself. Remember, its not the clothes that make the man, but the man that makes the clothes…

DISCLAMIER: This was written from the point of view of a man, because that’s what I am. I am in no way saying that women can’t have class. I know quite a few women that have class, but I can’t speak on what defines class for a woman because I’m not a woman. That’s all I got for today. So until next time, peace and love…