What a ride, huh? I wish my father could have been here to see this. Just think, this amazing journey started just over 2 months ago with the words…

“To Chairman Dean and my great friend Dick Durbin; and to all my fellow citizens of this great nation. With profound gratitude and great humility, I accept your nomination for the presidency of the United States.”

And ended, after 52%, or 62,521,378 voters spoke out for change, we have elected our first minority president. Parents tell their children that they can be anything they want to be, but those words always felt so hollow. Not anymore. Now thanks to our new president and Sen. Hilary Rodham Clinton, it’s not a pipedream for any child in America to believe they can hold the highest office in the land.

So, here we stand. At the doorstep to a new chapter in our collective history, reminding the world that anything is possible inside the borders of this great nation. And as I look back on aruably the most historic election in our nation’s young history, I can’t help but feel just a little saddened. Not because of who won or lost, but because it took so long for it to happen. My heart weeps for those who are blinded by any of a number of things that prevent them for seeing that this was the right man for the job and the right choice for our beautiful country. I’m saddened for those who fought and died to make this day a possibility but never got to see the dream come to fruition.

As I watched the coverage of the election last night, something reminded me that the struggle is not over. This was a great victory, but the war continues. We still have some very big issues in this country that need to addressed directly and emphatically. Racism, unemployment, a subpar educational system, an economy that is in a bit of a tailspin, a “war” that we had no reason fighting in the first place, homelessness, a wounded environment and a myriad of other issues. I’m not saying that Barack Obama is the answer to all of these. Hell, I’m not even saying he’s answer to most. But throughout his campaign, he expressed a genuine ability to affect change, not just in Washington, but in all of us. Because that’s what it’s gonna take to fix the issues that ail our society. Every one of us must step up and do our part to make, not only our city or town, state or even this country, but the whole world a better place than it is now.

I also gained a new level of respect for Sen. McCain. My hat goes off to him for being a true American. He has served this country for most of his life, and when he saw another opportunity to serve in an even greater capacity, he stepped forward. And last night, when the people spoke, he listened. He conceeded. It takes a good man to compete, it takes a great man to know when the competition is over.

Greetings from “Fake” America! How are all you “fake” Americans doing today? I know only “fake” Americans are reading this, seeing as how “real” Americans don’t use the internet because it’s a tool of the Deboul…

Now that we got the daily recommended amount of stupidity out of the way, we can talk.

Today was a red letter day for me. Nothing spectacular happened, but for some reason, I just feel sssssssssssooooooooooo like myself right now. And that’s a good thing. Well, maybe it’s a great thing. Today, I woke up and my body felt good. There were none of the little aches and pains I’ve been dealing with for years. I was able to meditate and re-center myself and realize for the first time in a long time that everything is gonna be alright. And that spells trouble for the world! It was always my belief, deep down inside where I keep the truly personal %#&@$! at, that once I got my “mojo” back, I would be able to hit the ground running and basically stake my claim for world domination. But, I wasn’t sure what it would take to make that happen. And that frightened me a little bit. I got glimpses of it for a few months earlier this year, but that situation kinda blew up in my face. Which put me back at square one. And I really hate square one. I’m not really a big fan of having to find a solution to a problem that I think I’ve already solved. But, I guess the only thing I could say about that is that it is what it is. Maybe the solution that I found wasn’t really the solution that I needed at the time. I’m more than confident in my belief that it’s what I want, despite what others may think. Or maybe I wasn’t really ready to go from one extreme of my personality to the other at the time. Whatever the reason, I don’t think it’s too important at this very juncture. What matters is that the “game” is on, and I’m playing for keeps now.

Also, I took time today to go through my emotional budget and came to realization that all relationships aren’t worthy of being saved. Now, some people will read this (if anybody reads this) and think they know exactly who I am talking about. Let me be the first and only one to tell you that you are dead wrong in your assumption! To be perfectly honest, the one relationship that everyone thinks I should be trying so hard to mend and repair and save is the one that can be done without! It’s a relationship that has had it’s rocky moments over it’s course, it’s also had it’s smooth patches, and at one point in time, I probably would’ve broke my neck to make it work. But, I refuse to reach out and get my hand slapped away. I’m not that fucking nice or stupid. I personally think that everyone who you allow to hang around and be a part of your life, in any manner, should bring something to the table. If they don’t, then what the fuck is the point of them being there? I’ve lived without this person in my life, I’ve also lived with this person in my life. And, frankly, there’s no difference between the two. So, they’re out until such time as my feelings on the matter change. And if you know me, you know I’m not one to change my mind about something once I’ve made a decision.

But enough about me. How are you? Hope you’re ready for November 4th, 2008. It’s time to let it be known that we need a change in our country. Make sure you get out and vote!!!!

We are now less than 10 days away from Election Day. Even if you’ve only been casually following the Presidential campaign, you know that this year’s election is being called the biggest in recent American history. That means something. For the first time, we have, not only a minority candidate, but a candidate that understands the issues that face average Americans, who has a very legitimate chance of winning the White House, but please believe that it’s not going to be handed to him on a silver platter. Just turn on any cable news channel. The Republicans are trying everything in the book to find a way to discredit Sen. Obama and find a way to steal the presidency for a 3rd straight term! WE CAN NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPEN! On November 4th, we need to be at the polls in force, letting our government know that we need a serious change in Washington, that we won’t play victim to the political bully anymore! With that being said, understand there are a few rules. First, you can’t wear anything related to any candidate. That means leave your Obama T-shirts, pins, signs, etc. at home or in the car! If you walk into the polling place with anything with a candidate’s name on it, you will be turned away! And it’s legal for them to do it! Secondly, try to go as early as you can. Most polling places will open around 6 a.m., so if you have to get up extra early and go, do it. They’re counting on us not going first thing in the morning and being discouraged when we go later in the day and encounter long lines and wait times. Please try your hardest to disappoint them! Also, be informed about what you’re voting for! Yeah, it’s great that we finally have a black man in position to hold the highest job in the land, but know what the man stands for before you cast your ballot! Make sure you have proper identification when you go vote, too. Contact your local electin board, they can tell you what you will need to bring with you. Also, there are more things to vote for this year than just President. Know exactly what items will appear on the ballot in your local district. If you live in Missouri, you can go to http://www.govotemissouri.com and find that information. I’m more than sure there is a website similar to this in every state, but I don’t know them offhand. Once again, if you contact your local election board, they can give you all the information you need.

Yeah! I know it’s technically not 10/15/2008 anymore and I’ve already written an entry for today, but when has that ever stopped me before? Okay maybe the 2 entries on the same day thing is new, but you know what I mean. I got a lot on my mind and plan on getting it off right now. There’s no time like the present, so why wait? Life still amazes me. I know some of you are thinking that I’m not old enough to say that, but so what? I said it! Life is an amazing course of events that you wish you had some kind of road map to guide you through but, in retrospect, it wouldn’t be as much fun if you knew what was coming. Now, before anyone jumps the gun, nothing has happened. Well, nothing major has happened. I’m just expounding. I like to do that from time to time. But I digress… I’m looking at my recent history (the events that have taken place over the past few months. If you’re feeling a little lost, go back and read all my daily reflections from the past 3 months. It’s not much to read, you’ll live) and I’m so at peace with myself that it’s a little funny to me. The reason it’s funny is because I couldn’t imagine anybody else going through what I’ve gone through and coming out like I did. I’m not trying to say that I’m Mr. Indestructible, that’s far from the truth. I’ve been torn down, by myself and others so much that it’s amazing I get put back together correctly sometimes. I think I feel like I’ve weathered the true test of my staying power and passed with flying colors. Maybe not flying colors, I could’ve done a little bit better, (maybe taken the high road with regards to my feelings about certain situations and an entry in this very blog) but I still made it. And that’s a good thing. Nah, scratch that. Damn it, that’s a great thing! And through all the shit, all the verbal ping-pong, the rousing games of “He Said, She Said,” the handful of people who really had my back through the whole saga have earned a very special place in my heart. Some of them already had a special place, they just found a way to make sure it stays theirs. Thank you and I love you (y’all know who you are). I’ve always been told how much promise I had, how many big things everyone could see me doing. I guess now is the time to turn that potential into reality and capitalize on my inner greatness. For the first time in a long time, I’m excited for what the future holds. I’m excited to see if the things that have shown to me come to fruition. Especially when it comes to a certain situation, but that’s neither here nor there. It sure is gonna be a fun ride. Assalamu Alaikam

Like some of you, I just finished watching the final presidential debate. And I only have one thought on my mind as I write this. I am completely afraid of John McCain and his winking pit bull in a business suit, Sarah Palin. First, I’m afraid that the Ass Clown from Anchorage has ran around this country spewing her message of hate and racism to the point that somebody out there now believes it would be a good idea to end Sen. Obama’s life purely because of her rhetoric. That’s not right. Secondly, the state of bipartisan politics in this country is dreadful! It reminds me of high school prom queen elections. Nobody is sticking to the issues that are most important to the people, they just wanna make their opponent look as bad as possible. I’m ashamed of both of them for that! This is not a time in our country (and it is OUR country, remember that on Nov. 4th) where our leaders can afford to name-call and point fingers. We need real solutions to real problems! As a people, we’re broke, unemployed, undereducated, overstimulated, uninsured, unhealthy and hated all over the world. These are the things we need to hear our political leaders talking about, not old ass domestic terrorists who aren’t even on the national radar, preachers who get in the pulpit and speak their minds about the problems he sees in the world, not organizations that are trying to make sure that EVERY American voice is heard in the poles and definitely not the rest of the bullshit that has been spewed in the last few months. We need real answers to the very real questions that plague our very existence right now. Now, obviously, it’s no secret that I support Sen. Obama, so the last thing that scares me as I watch the post-debate coverage and look at different polls on the internet, is that it looks like there is a slim chance that Obama could lose! He could lose y’all! Which means John McCain would win! That means we would be in store for four more years of a Republican White House that is more concerned with perpetuating the “Good Ol’ Boys Club” and keeping the opportunities and resources that the average American citizens needs well out of their reach. In short, if McCain wins, more of the same bullshit we have had to endure under the current Commander-in-Chief. Besides, Sen. McCain looks as if he is inches away from meeting his maker which means if he was to win the presidency and passes away, we would be stuck with the Arctic Dodo, Gov. Sarah Palin. And I just can’t deal with that! I’ve joked around in the past that I would move to Canada or somewhere and denounce my American citizenship if the Republicans win. I’m here to say that I am dead serious about that statement. I honestly cannot live in and support a country that can’t help but try to run the world when we have so many problems right here. I can’t live in a nation that is more than willing to allow members of our armed forces to put their lives on the line for one individual’s personal agenda. Like most Americans, I’m opinionated to a fault at times. But to be willing to give up all the freedom I enjoy in this great (although extremely flawed) nation just because I fear an elected official speaks volumes about the state of the union. Something has got to be done! I hope for all of our sake, that we make the right decision in 20 days.

Today is officially the first day of the rest of my life. Maybe that’s being a little dramatic. So I’ll say that today is the first day of the next stage of my life. Let me explain…

For the most part, we all know what’s been happening in my life over the past few months, but the last 2 are the most interesting. The last 2 months I had been staying with some “friends” because I lost my apartment. Now, I know you’re wondering why I parentheses around the word friends. Here’s why. These people who I was staying with talked like they were my friends, at times they somewhat acted like they were my friends, but thy really weren’t. And it taught me a valuable lesson that I thought I had learned before. Before, I had learned that there’s nobody in this world that I can honestly rely on except for myself. That is completely untrue. Your friends, I’m talking about actual real-life friends, will do what they can to help when they can. And your family is always gonna be there for you, even if you’re a bit of screw-up like me. And I’d like to thank a special young lady for helping my re-learn that lesson. Thank you very much! I’ve told you before that your worth to me is unfathomable, even by me. I honestly appreciate you more and more each day.

Here’s the reason why I went through this re-learning process. I’m not trying to make excuses, I’m just trying to explain. I’ve gone so long in this life without having to rely on my family. Most of my life, my support network consisted of just one person. When that person left this world, it kinda threw me into a bit of tailspin. I wasn’t sure which way was up, and so when it came down to deciding who I should lean on for support in my time of need, I went the wrong way. Now, my “friends” did help me get my belongings somewhere safe, they did give me shelter, but they also gave me a lot of stress. I became the scapegoat in a horrible situation. And that cost me greatly. Now, don’t get me wrong, it cost me no money. Just 2 people that I considered friends, about 20 pounds that I probably could have afforded losing anyway and a TV that I will recover. That’s a pretty fair price to learn a valuable lesson, right?

But anyway, that’s all in the past now. I’m out of the dungeon and into the light for the first time in a very long time it seems. And it feels GOOD! I’ve made mention that it was kinda hard to get back to being myself after my father died. Today, feels like I made the first real step towards doing that. Thanks to family, both current and prospective. Assalamu alaikam.

For the people who actually sit down and read my blog (all 3 or 4 of you, not including myself), y’all have have been some lucky something-or-others these past few weeks! I’m gonna have to cut back or y’all gonna get spoiled. Too bad I barely get any responses or comments, though. Y’all suck! Anyway, on to the reason I’m here today…

I was reading a previous post and saw a subject I wanted to touch on again. If you remember on 3/2/2008 (Today’s Reflection – 3/2/2008: 1st paragraph) I spoke about the fact that I was feeling a sense of urgency to settle down. Well, those feelings have found their way to surface again. But this time around, they’re a little different. Now, I don’t really feel the need to settle down with anybody, I feel the need to be with one specific person for the rest of my life. Now, you know how I am, I had to find out exactly what was going on in my twisted little mind. So I asked a few people what their definition of being in love means. And to my surprise, they almost all described what I’m going through! So now, I can OFFICIALLY say that I am in love! And no, I’m not in love with myself! I won’t say any names, even though I really shouldn’t have to.

I think that’s all I really wanted to say today. This is the first time I’ve put my feelings into clear, concise words. It’s feels kind of weird, kinda like butterflies are break-dancing in my stomach. Anybody got an explanation for that one?

Sorry, no jokes to open this post. I’m not really feeling like myself. Today marks the one year anniversary of my father’s death, and I think I’m taking it a little too hard. What makes it worse though is the fact that I’m having to deal with by myself. But then again, I’ve been dealing with it by myself for the past year so that shouldn’t be anything new to me. I know everybody has to deal with death, and I’m not the only one who has lost a parent, but my situation is a little different. Maybe it would help if you understood my relationship with my father. Maybe it would if I understood my relationship with my father.

My father and I have been together since I was 4. He was there for just about every major event that happened in my life. He was my best friend and my worst enemy. My style icon. My hero. My image of what a man should be and how he should live. My confidante. My conscience. My therapist. My motivation and, at times, my inspiration. My punching bag when I needed to vent about something. My advice column when I just couldn’t figure shit out on my own. My source of courage. My crutch when I couldn’t stand on my own 2 feet. My educator. The mirror into my soul. My relationship with my father seemed like the only one I could maintain. Everybody else came and went, but he was always there. And now he’s not. And I feel so alone in the world without him. I don’t know what I’m going to do or where I’m gonna go.

I can remember before he died, I knew what general direction my life was heading in. I couldn’t tell you exactly what was destined for me, but I had a clue. And after he passed, the path got a kinda dark. But I could still see what direction I was heading in. I met someone, fell in love and a little light was cast into my world, I was able to see what was ahead. But now, 1 year removed from the worst day of my life so far, I’m without both of them. And it scares me to death.

I’m gonna stop here because I’m having a really hard time keeping my composure enough to type. Assalamu Alaikam

I know what you’re saying, “Wow! 2 posts on consecutive days! We must be lucky or he’s got a lot of shit on his mind!” You should definitely lean towards the latter. I woke up today in a house that’s not my own, in a bed that feels so cold and couldn’t shake this horrible feeling that I have. I know you’re probably wondering, “What was the horrible feeling?” Well, I woke up today and honestly felt like I just might be a bad person. And I’m not really too sure how I here, all I know is I’m ready to go.

Let me start from the beginning. I hope you have some time to read because this is gonna take a while. Everything I’m about to say has actually been documented in this very blog. You will notice that I will try to give you the exact location so you can go read the earlier post if you choose to do so. This train wreck all started in December 2005. That’s when my biological clock kinda kicked into overdrive (Today’s Reflection – 12/1/2005)! And yes, men also have a biological clock. Please don’t think women have that franchise locked down. Now, the woman I spoke of in that entry is completely out of the picture, and in hindsight she was more of a perfect friend at a time that I needed one than anything else. She was always there to talk when I needed someone to talk to, and she never judged me, she just gave advice and moved along to another subject. She even took the time to read my poetry, and y’all know that’s BIG with me! I do still carry feelings for her, but there more along the lines of a brother-sister thing now. It’s kind of a shame that we’ve fallen out of touch, but maybe she was only meant to be around for a short time, maybe she’ll make a reappearance somewhere down the road. Who knows?

As time moved along, I started to notice that my life wasn’t really taking shape the way I had envisioned it (Today’s Reflection – 12/13/2005: 3rd paragraph). Also, I was kinda starting to miss my family (Today’s Reflection – 12/13/2005: 1st paragraph). But once again, I think missing my kinfolks came out the fact that I hadn’t seen them in a few years. Also, around this time I started getting the parental pressure to settle down and start a family. Let me clear that up a little bit. My father took me out to lunch and directly asked me when I was gonna find someone to marry and have some kids with. Now, all of this festers for about 5 or 6 months until it comes to light that I would be moving back to St.Louis. In a way, I was happy. I would be able to go see my mother, little brother and grandparents almost anytime I wanted. At the same time I was a little saddened by the fact I had to leave Atlanta because it is such a beautiful city where you can’t help but see successful black people, which is what I think I really needed and need in my life. Too bad I didn’t realize that until it was too late, but everything happens for a reason.

Now, upon arriving in St. Louis, life looked promising and bleak at the same time. Let me expound: The optimist in me was sure I would be able to make all of my dreams happen here, but the realist in me knew that there was something on the horizon that would completely shift my life in a way that I might not be able to recover from. How’s that for foreshadowing? Here’s a quick recap of what happened from June 2006 to March 2007. This whole paragraph can be found in the post titled “A Quick Recap of What’s Been Happening in My Life…” that was posted on May 14 2007.

“I relocated to St. Louis in June of 2006 and all was good. I was finally back in my hometown, I couldn’t be happier. I was like a kid in a candy store. Shortly after moving, I started working in a call center for Comcast. At the time it seemed like a pretty cool job. I met a lot of great people and my hours were reasonably decent. About a month or so after I started my job, I started dating this BEAUTIFUL young lady, and then I started dating an even more BEAUTIFUL young lady. Every young man’s dream, right? After these 2 highly attractive women were out of the picture, I started dating my third GORGEOUS woman in as many tries. At this time, I’m feeling like I hit the lotto. Some time went by and I met another young lady who seemed like she was about 2 inches away from being perfect for me. We got extremely serious (I’m talking marriage serious) but we seemed to keep having little snags in our relationship that kept it from being all that it could be. Let me break that last part down for y’all a little bit. First, we had an argument about something stupid, and instead of talking about it like adults, we ignored each other like children. Well, for those that know me well enough, you know I don’t do well with not being the center of attention (I’m getting better at it now, though) and I ran off and did something that I definitely regretted. That’s not the worse part of that whole ordeal. That would be in the fact that my girl caught me in “the act” so to speak. Y’all know how black folks do, we had a big fight outside and got the cops called on us. After the dust from that settled, you could tell that the trust in our relationship had gotten it’s ass thrown out of window! She always wanted to accuse me of doing something, I swore up and down she was backsliding (y’all like how I throw the old school word in there?), and things were pretty much FUBAR (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition). All of this bullshit is made even more horrible by the fact that she had a daughter that I’m crazy about! So here I am, stuck in between the old me who would run for the hills at the first sign of strife in a relationship and this new me who wanted to stay and work through the difficulties ( I don’t know where I found that second version at, but his punk ass is gone now!). This goes on from around Thanksgiving all the way up until March, and that’s when the shit started to get real fun! First, I got fired for some bullshit I didn’t do (never work in a call center, it’s purely for the bitch at heart). Next, my girl gets this strange text message from “me” stating that I’m gay. Come on now! If I’m gay, George W. Bush is a black man and a member of the Black Panther Party! Next, she has a conversation over the Internet with somebody who claims that HE was my lover for 6 months while I lived in Kansas City, MO. True, I did used to live in KCMO, WHEN I WAS 12! How many 12 year olds do you know that have a love shack with their gay lover? I can’t think of any off the top of my head, but if you give me a little time to do some research, I’ll see what I can come up with. So, here I am, unemployed, depressed and being accused of being a homosexual by the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. How’s that for hitting rock bottom?”

Now, once again, hindsight is 20/20. When I really look back on that period of time in my life, I can honestly say I would’ve eventually blew my fucking brains out if I had married that broad! And to the young woman who intervened that fateful October night, I owe you my life! Thank you so much! But enough about that, let me give some more insight on this “interesting” period in my life. First, the bitch was a thief! I didn’t find this out until around March or April of 2007. Secondly, I admit that I was more in love with the idea of being a father to her daughter than anything else. Because for all the shit that I talk, I really do love kids! Also, while my “relationship” with her was completely fucked up on all levels, this had nothing on what was waiting for me down the road.

After washing the bad taste out of my mouth, I put my head back into the game. I got re-focused on doing my thing. I would say I put love’s ass on the back burner, that wouldn’t be completely accurate. I put love’s ass in the freezer with a note that said “Don’t Open Until 2010!” I really wasn’t thinking about it, didn’t want to either. Just look at what happened to me the last time I was in a relationship! Would you want to step out there again if that was your last experience? I didn’t think so. And then July 25, 2007 came along and my world would never be the same again. That’s the day my father went into the hospital. I wish I could say that I knew he could get better, but that would be a bold-faced lie. When I dropped my dad off at Christian Hospital Northeast, I sat in the parking lot and KNEW he would never walk out again. And that put me in a place that I still haven’t been able to fully escape from to this day. And that was over a year ago. The next month and a half were a bit or blur. All I did was work, go to the hospital and argue with everybody. And then he passed away at 12:02 AM on September 7, 2007. And my world got a little darker, and the minor split in my personality that had been plaguing me for the past decade became a full out break. The real me laid down in a casket on September 14, 2007 in KCMO and I wasn’t never too sure if I would get him back out or if I even really wanted to. It had officially become easier to be the heartless asshole who didn’t really care about anybody or anything that wasn’t him than it was to be the shy, insecure guy who had just lost the one person that had been there for him his whole life. And that’s the day I decided to run.

I wasn’t just running away from my father’s spirit or from dealing with the fact that he was gone, as most people think. Once again, I had that feeling that was something looming over the horizon for me, and while I knew whatever was waiting for me wouldn’t be as negative, I knew it would just as Earth-shaking as my father’s death and I really wasn’t prepared for it. Not right now. I felt like what I needed was a little time to get over what had just happened and recoup to an extent before God threw me another curve ball. But, we all know, God does things on his schedule, not ours. First, my departure was postponed due to financial situations. That really fucked with me because it started to feel like somebody had it out for me. Secondly, God started to show me what lied ahead, but I only got small doses and never got the whole picture. Then, Jessica called me. I can assure you that the last thing on my mind when she re-entered my life was love or marriage. My sole focus was my escape from a city that seemed like it was the root of all problems for me. But, my plan wasn’t His plan. And I fell in love without knowing it was happening, and that made me want to run just a little bit more. But once again, He stepped in to make sure I knew that my plan wasn’t His plan. My best friend and his fiancee’ (now wife) and Jessica staged an intervention of sorts. And for as bad as I wanted to ignore what they were saying to me, something made me listen. And I decided to stay. Not because of my own reasons, but because of her. In case you didn’t know, love is a powerful force. We decided to move in together because both of our living situations weren’t exactly what we wanted. And we wanted to be together. Everything was good, for not for long. I still was rebelling against the things that God had been showing me, even though I was able to see more than ever before. And at the same time, He made her start picking at the mask I was wearing. Once again, I was staring in the mirror and seeing 2 faces that were both my own. One face was telling my to run like wind because I knew she didn’t want the real me. Who wants a man who’s too shy and insecure to even talk on the phone sometimes? The other face was telling me to let her because she deserved the right to know and make the choice for herself. I really wished I had listened to the second one because now I’ve managed to push away a woman that was sent to me by God! That has got to be an amazing feat! But it is definitely one that I’m not proud of.

So now, here I am. Stuck in a city I don’t want to be in, loving and wanting a woman that my Father sent me, my father would approve of and that my family loves. The bad part is that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. And I have no idea what to do or anyone to turn to. Thanks for listening…

Life has a way of being cruel and funny at the same time. Previously, I wrote that I had writer’s block again. Well, it’s gone away now, but only if I’m writing about a certain subject. Can you guess what subject that would happen to be, boys and girls? You guessed it! Normally, I would think it would be a good thing to be able to get all my frustrations about a certain topic out on paper so they don’t keep bouncing around inside my head, but this one is a little different. And I know you’re probably wondering, “What makes it so different?” Well, I’ll tell you. It would happen to be the situation and our relationship as it stands today. Let me further explain. While we’re not at war with each other, it’s rather difficult to say that we are on each others side. And because of that, it’s hard to find the exact words to put into a love poem. Does that make sense? I didn’t think so either, but that’s how it is. Now, here’s why I said life can be cruel and funny at the same time. Now, because of this overwhelming, I guess need would be the best word to put here, to write about my love for someone who I’m kinda on the outs with right now, I feel a little tortured at times. Other times, I feel like love and life are kicking me where the sun don’t shine. Now that’s considered just downright cruel in my book. But on the other hand, if I were looking at this situation from the outside, it would be a touch humorous. Let’s be honest, isn’t it just a little ironic and a bit bit funny that the one thing in this world that I really want to do is write, but the only thing I can write about is my love for a woman who I pushed away and run a good chance of not getting back? Maybe that’s just my warped sense of humor. But I’m willing to bet that there’s somebody somewhere that’s laughing at this whole thing.

Well, in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I got to say about that.” So, I’ll end this now before I get beside myself and start rambling on about feelings and mistakes and love and who knows what else. I’ll save that for another day, just not my next post. If you know me well and can see a calender, you probably know when that will be and what it will be about. So, until next time friends and strangers, have a good one. Be easy!