Category Archives: Love & Relationships

What I’m Looking For in “Her”

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

Good afternoon world! I hope today’s entry finds you in good health. Normally, I would take this time to apologize for not posting on a more regular basis. But I’ve come to realize that nobody that doesn’t receive a paycheck for blogging posts on a daily basis. So, we’ll skip over all of that and get right into what brings us here today…

Like every other reasonably attractive, single person in this country, I’ve been asked by several different people on several different occasions what exactly I’m looking for in a potential wife. And just like every other reasonably attractive, single person, I usually give some kind of generic ass, bullshit answer. Partially because its kind of hard to put into words exactly what you want and partially because I hate to be asked. I’m not big on being set up by well-meaning friends that feel like they can play matchmaker. But that’s neither here nor there. Now, I have tried to put into words what I’m looking for, you can find evidence of that in this very blog (look at the entry titled “Job Description”). But even that attempt wasn’t as detailed as some would like. Today, I’m gonna try to break it down as much as I can.

The idea for this entry came from the song, “Someone” by Musiq Soulchild. After I heard it earlier today, I replayed it and took time to listen to the lyrics. The things he said sounded like they were pretty in-line with what I’m looking for. Check them out for yourself…

I never wanted a woman that wanted me for my name or material things
See I always hope for a woman that’s so sure, emotionally secure with spiritual faith
A woman that I can trust with all of my secrets and even listen to all of my issues
A woman who never judge me or how I was, she deals with me strictly through love

Someone who will put up with the things loving me can bring but still be there to see us through
Someone who would put up with the strange and complicated things ’cause I would do the same for her too
Someone who I can be real with, ain’t gotta be perfect because loving one another is all that matters
It’s not hard to explain, so believe me when I say that I found all of that in you

All that I hope for a friendship that’s so pure, a girl I can talk to bout whatever is on my heart
A woman that needs me, that trust and believes me, that won’t take my kindness as some kind of weakness
A woman who bares her soul who is willing to let go, that wants me to lead her but knows how to take control
And when I am feeling down ’cause things are going wrong, she fills me up and makes me feel strong

Real talk, who doesn’t want somebody in their life that fits that description? But then I got to thinking, “That’s not enough to be qualify as a complete answer.” So, here are the list of qualities that I want my woman to have, in no particular order…

Creativity
I’m a writer, so naturally I want somebody that has some kind of creativity about them. That’s not to say that she has to be a writer as well, but she should have some kind of creative talent. Not because I would want her to pursue a career that used her talent, but because its hard to support and encourage a person to be creative when you aren’t capable of doing it yourself. I’m subject to random and drawn out bouts of writer’s block, I want someone that understands that it can be frustrating to not have those creative juices flowing. Plus, I’ve always been attracted to women that have some kind of talent, especially if its musically based…

Motherly Instincts
I feel like this is almost self-explanatory, but I’m pretty sure nobody thinks like I do. I want a woman that has that nurturing spirit that would make her a great mother. Not just for the sake of our kids, but for me too. I have the tendency to get down on myself sometimes, so I need somebody that can rub me on my back tell me eveything is gonna be okay. And while its hard to really know if that exists in a woman without her already being a mother, I’m slightly wary about becoming involved with women that already have kids. Let me see if I can explain this. As I’ve said before, I don’t have any kids but I definitely want some. And because I don’t have kids, I’ve never had to put the wants and needs of someone else above my own. So, in an ideal world, I would like to have time to travel with my wife before we have kids. Plus, a woman with a child comes with a father for that child in most cases. In my experience, that extra person and personality has never been the easiest to deal with. I’m not a fan of drama, unless its on a TV show. And even then, I can only take it small doses. That’s not to say that any woman with kids is automatically disqualified in my eyes, or that all baby mama/baby daddy relationships are full of strife. Yeah, I think I’ve put my foot in my mouth far enough in regards to this, so I’ll move on…

Sense of Style
338401_10150336075277444_614262443_8275454_725067855_oI’m a stylish dude (as you can see in the picture to the left). I like to dress nice on a regular basis pretty much every time I walk out the door. What can I say? I don’t believe in leaving the house without making sure I look like I’m going somewhere, even if I’m just running to the store. Its the way I was raised. My dad started me out at a very early age, so those thought processes are totally ingrained into the fabric of my personality. With that being said, I definitely can’t be with a woman that doesn’t feel the same way to some level. What I look like stepping out looking like a million bucks and the lady on my arm looks the exact opposite? This is non-negotiable, to an extent. Now, I don’t expect any woman I become involved with to be as fashion savvy I am. Let’s be honest, if this was a hard limit, I’d be running the risk of being single for the rest of my life. But I do expect her to be able to dress herself.

Confidence and/or High Self-Esteem
Once again, this should be self-explanatory. But let me waste some words explaining myself anyway. I’m a pretty confident guy. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I’m borderline conceited, even though I don’t see it. With that being said, I want need a woman that is confident in who she is. If there’s one thing that will turn me off almost instantly, its a woman with low self-esteem. Especially, if she lets other people’s negative opinions of her define how she feels about herself. Its called SELF-esteem for a reason!

Sense of Humor
I’m goofy dude. I like to act silly when the time is appropriate. Hell, sometimes I like to act silly when its inappropriate, just because the situation feels a little too stuffy. I like to keep the mood around me light. I’m not a fan of frowning. I love to smile. I believe laughing will keep me feeling young well into my golden years. Any woman that can’t have some fun and laugh (especially at herself) can’t kick it with me.

Intelligence
Let me make sure something is abundantly clear on this one. I am not talking about having a certain level of education. I’m only a high school graduate, so what would I look like requiring my future wife to have a master’s degree or higher? Pretty damn stupid, right? But she’s gotta be able to talk about more than what’s happening on RHOA, the new season of Love & Hip-Hop or when Trey Songz’s new album is coming out. I get bored easily, beauty fades and we have to leave the bedroom at some point. So she better be able to pique my interests and hold my attention in other ways. This is definitely non-negotiable!

The “First Lady” Factor
Real talk, forget about Jay-Z and Beyoncé (sorry, Hov & B). This is the new definition of a power couple. And I think a lot of it is because of her. She handles house and home while he’s out running the free world and she always comes across as his biggest supporter. Michelle Obama seems like the kind of woman that will make a man believe he can achieve any goal, wish, aspiration or dream his mind or heart can come up with. Any man that has even a sliver of ambition in his body needs a woman like that in his life. And I have more than my fair share of ambition and dreams I want to fulfill, so I need a woman that’ll make me believe I can do it all and is willing to get her hands dirty to help if needs be. My dreams don’t have to become her dreams, but she should be able to see my vision and do her part to keep me motivated. Which leads me to…

Ambition
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, its a lazy, shiftless ass woman! Have some kind of ambition about you. Want to achieve something more in your life than just being a cum receptacle and baby factory for whatever man you end up with! Even if your dream is completely preposterous by normal people’s standards, have the drive to reach for it. How am I gonna reach the stars if my wife is nothing more than dead weight? I know this one sounds kind of bad, but I’m just being honest.

I think that’s all I got for today. Now I’m not trying to say that any woman I get involved with has to meet every requirement listed above, but she definitely needs to have a majority of them. Like I said, I get bored easily, so you got to be able to catch and keep my attention, and these are the qualities that I’ve noticed work best to do that. There are more, but these are the big ones. So until next time, peace and love…

Black Woman Cake Recipe

Posted on by under Love & Relationships, Poetry

Good morning world! I hope today’s entry finds you in good health. Today I’m sharing a piece that I wrote quite a while ago. Frankly, I’m a little shocked that I hadn’t shared it with you guys before today. So, without further adieu, here it goes…

I’m making a Black Woman Cake because I’m hungry as hell
And the sweet tooth I have only a sister can dispel
So, let me reach into the cabinet and see what I have
To make a mix that’ll fill my stomach and end this craving I have

3 cups of intelligence so her mentality is sound
1 cup of brown sugar so she’ll be sweet with her feet firmly planted on the ground
A teaspoon of cinnamon is always good to accent the taste.
And a few cups of culture so she’s down for her race.
You see I won’t put anything in my mouth that’s not conscious of its own.
That’s why I stick with the chocolate and leave the angel food alone.
I’m adding 2 sticks of butter because she’s got to be smooth.
A couple of raisins for the dimples would also be cool.
Add a half dozen eggs so she can reproduce, can’t leave her hanging because I like kids too
For a dependable woman, I’ll add some yeast so she can rise to the occasion when it’s time for us to feast.
I’ll add 4 cups of strength and put in the oven to bake
And turn it to 360 degrees to balance her mental state
Garnish with a handful of nuts so she can hold her own
And the queen of all cakes will be ready for her throne
Now that’s it’s done, I’m sorry my brother, but I won’t share the wealth
That’s why I gave you the recipe because I’m keeping this woman all to myself.

The (Perceived) Death of Chivalry…

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

Good evening world! I want to start out by apologizing for that entry yesterday. I wasn’t giving my writing my full attention, and that’s unfair to anybody that takes time out of their day to read the ramblings of this self-described lunatic. I can wholeheartedly assure you that you will never have to worry about me doing that again. But back to what brings us here today.

You’ve probably heard someone say “chivalry is dead” thousands of time. That young men (and even some older men) just don’t know how to treat a woman accordingly. And that individual you heard say it was probably a disappointed woman. Men aren’t stupid. Even fatherless, Lil’ Wayne look-alikes know what they are supposed to do. It doesn’t take a Harvard MBA to open and close car doors. What it does take, however, are seemingly desirable qualities. Chivalrous behavior is no longer the norm, because it is not required. Not all men have forgotten the rules to being a gentleman, but many just don’t care anymore. Gone are the days when women expected men to open, hold and close doors for them. Many would rather do it themselves to demonstrate their “independence.” Others (due to absent fathers and/or negative experiences) don’t know where to set their expectations; consequently, not setting any at all. Men adhere to what is demanded of them, which is the reason some women are professional jump-offs while others keep getting wifed.

Well, I’m here to tell you that chivalry is NOT dead! It is, however, on life support and its up to all of us to revive it. How do we do that, you ask? Simple fellas. We start treating our women they way they deserve to be treated. Wait a minute, let me be careful with that statement because there are some females in this world who’s actions are deserving of being treated like shit. That doesn’t mean we treat them that way, but we all know people are bound to read what they want. So let me say it like this: We need to start treating our women like the ladies they either are or that we wish they were. Guys, below are a few examples of how we can bring chivalrous behavior back from its perceived grave:

1. Give Up Your Seat on Any Form of Public Transportation
Straight up, it seems as if a woman has to be past five months pregnant or on crutches to get some men to let them sit down on a packed train or bus. I’ve seen too many men, white, black, green and blue, sit comfortably in their cozy plastic seat, looking straightforward trying to ignore the woman holding on to a germ infected pole or overhead rail for dear life so she won’t fall while waiting for her stop. I’ve seen signs of hope in older men who might ask if a woman wants to trade seats, but it’s a rarity they’ll insist on it if she gives a half-hearted, wanting but not wanting to inconvenience “that’s okay.” Act like you have some home training. Get up and insist that woman sits down. If you’re on the train or bus with a bunch of your friends, make them get their asses up too. No man should be sitting while there is even one woman standing.

2. Open the Damn Door for Her, Even if You Don’t Know Her
This one might be my biggest pet peeve, and I definitely don’t see men do this very much anymore. How many times have you seen a man reach a door before a woman that he may or may not know, and walk in as if she doesn’t exist? Really fool?! Does it take that much to hold the door for a few seconds and let that woman walk in? Even if you find yourself holding the door for a group of women, be like Nike and JUST DO IT! You would want somebody to hold that door for your mother/sister/wife/girlfriend, so why not do it yourself? Its just that simple. I swear it grinds my gears every time I see a guy not hold a door for a woman. It shows pure laziness, not a lack of etiquette.

3. Walk Next to the Street, Closest to Traffic
It shouldn’t be only on a date that a man stands closest to the street when with a woman, it should be an everyday thing. When a woman is walking on the sidewalk, whenever, wherever, a man is supposed to walk on the side of the street next to the traffic. Will a car necessarily come flying into you as you walk to McDonalds? Hopefully not, but dang, a woman shouldn’t be the one about to fall into oncoming traffic because there are too many men on the sidewalk trying to window shop. Plus, what would happen if a car were to run across a puddle and splash water all over your female companion? Do you know how shabbily women’s clothing is made nowadays? That would be a bad look for all involved.

4. Wait for Her To Actually Make it “IN” Safely
So your date is over and you take her back to her place. It’s agreed that nothing else will happen on that evening (meaning, you’re sleeping at your own place) so you’ll quickly drop her off and head home. It’s not always necessary for you to walk her to her door (though it would be nice), especially if her front door is visible and not shrouded in bushes and mystery, so you exchange hugs and maybe a kiss before she walks to the door. Stay there long enough to make sure she opens the door, gives you a little wave to let you know that she’s in safely and closes the door behind her. You never know who or what could be in someone’s home, or could be waiting for them outside of it on the low. If you’re safely and comfortably in the car, what would it really hurt to wait just a little bit longer as she closes the door behind herself, somewhat ensuring that she’s made it in safely? Better yet, get your lazy ass out the car and walk her to her door, no matter what. Be a man about your shit, especially if you want that door to close behind the both of you one day.

5. Move Heavy Objects for Your Lady, or Any Woman
This one should be just plain common sense. There’s something extremely vexing about watching a man look at a woman as she struggles to move something that is clearly too heavy, and fail to ask her if she needs help. Chances are, if you were to stop and offer her some help, she wouldn’t ask you to stop your entire day to come help her move her entire apartment around, so why not help her out real quick? Just the tiniest bit of help, whether you can hold a door for her while she comes out or open a car door for her when she’s ready to load would go a long way. But I’m noticing a lot of fellas are giving off that, “she’ll be alright” face. Stop that bullshit ASAFP!

6. Don’t Let the Conversation Die, or Even Worse, Make it All About You
There’s two types of big errors that can be made by us when it comes to holding a conversation. For one, when we text, call, chat, send smoke signals, or whatever with a woman to show that we’re ready and willing to converse, but have NOTHING to say. Nothing to contribute to the conversation. It’s irritating to women (or anybody, to be honest) when they have to continuously find something to say while the we’re on the opposite end of the phone/computer/table giving short replies to everything. But an even worse error is to hold a conversation with a woman, yet make it all about us: our likes, our thousands of dislikes, why our job is so awesome, etc. We might not realize it, but the more a conversation turns self-centered, the less and less she’s going to feel like continuing that conversation. And then, her interest will wane towards you in general. If you won’t let her make the smallest of points in a conversation without cutting her off to talk about how you beat your homeboy in Madden the other day, why should she give a fuck about anything you have to say?

7. Watch Your F***ing Mouth!
Guys, we tend to get WAY too comfortable around people really fast and wind up talking crazy as if we’ve known them all our lives. When you meet a woman, if some of those 25 cent curse words start flying during what should be a calm conversation about the weather or your day, you have a problem. Same goes for spewing the N word. Not every black person on earth pines to say that word or even feels comfortable hearing it, so assuming she won’t care or you shouldn’t respect her enough to watch your language in front of her is one of those extra non-subtle ways of letting her know you don’t believe in such a thing as “act right.” She’s gonna run for the hills, screaming like a banshee. That goes for reciting song lyrics too. If you know the newest 2 Chainz song that comes on the radio well enough to recite each verse word for word, then you know where the curse words are and can simply mute yourself when they come up.

Now ladies, I know y’all probably giving me a standing ovation for the way I just let the guys know about themselves. And while its true that we’re mostly at fault for our lack of good behavior, that does’t completely clear y’all of any wrongdoing. Below are just a few reasons why you might not be able to meet a guy that will treat you the way you want, or get your current guy to act right. I hope you enjoy this part as much as you enjoyed co-signing all of the above shortcomings of men:

1. You’re Overly Aggressive
Most men can appreciate an assertive woman, but aggressive women come off like dogs in heat—horny and desperate. It’s okay to make your interest known, even spark conversation; but don’t be pushy. No one is going to go out of their way for a girl taking whatever she can get. Men actively pursue women they are interested in talking to. If he doesn’t ask for your number, it is usually because he doesn’t want it. Learn to accept rejection, we have to.

2. You’re Overtly Sexual
Men generally don’t have much respect for women they perceive as easy and/or sleazy in appearance. Leave sex out of the initial conversations or that is what he will come to expect. Balance out your outfits. Once you get thrown into the smash box, there is no coming back. Men don’t see the need in wooing women who wear mini-skirts without panties and see-through leggings. Your clothes should be tight enough for us to know you’re a woman, but loose enough for us to know you’re a lady. Learn how manage that balance, okay? Thanks!

3. You’re Loud
Speaking loudly in public is not classy. In fact, it’s often closely associated with being hood. Guys typically don’t feel it is necessary to try to impress uncouth women. So if you want him to treat you with some class and dignity, act like you got some first.

4. You Pop Your Gum
Among other things, like smacking your food or slurping on your drink. These things amount to an F in Etiquette 101. Guys don’t expect you to expect them to open your door. So, they don’t *shrug*.

5. You’re Militant
That whole angry, black woman thing? Yeah, not so feminine. Men don’t know if you’re going to lecture them on feminism for assuming rights to the bill or coyly oblige. You could be really sweet, but it doesn’t matter if he can’t see it.

6. You Don’t Give Him a Chance
You’re so used to do everything for yourself that, naturally, you take charge before guys get the opportunity to be chivalrous. Nothing wrong with being independent. Just be sure to leave room for him to spoil you a bit, or don’t be mad when he doesn’t even try. Its your decision, choose wisely and don’t complain when you get what you ask for.

7. You Complain, Constantly
A woman who complains regularly is deemed insatiable. Men eventually give up trying to do things to make a woman feel special if she never seems satisfied. Remember what your mom used to always say: if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut the fuck up. Or something along those lines…

8. You Curse Like a Sailor
Just like you don’t want us cursing up a storm in front of you, we don’t want to hear your potty mouth all the time either. Matter of fact, we don’t want to hear it at all unless you’re really, really, REALLY upset. It’s easy for men to treat you like one of the boys when you sound like them. And, guys don’t buy roses for their friends. So, work on that. Once again, if you want him to treat you with some class and dignity, act like you got some first.

9. You Don’t Speak Up
Thanks to the low and/or non-existent standards of some (read:most) women, the rest have to be more vocal regarding their expectations because so many allow men to do little to nothing to show they have common courtesy or even know what it is. I’m not saying it’s your fault men don’t open doors for women like they used to. I’m just saying it’s your fault if they don’t do it for you. A word of advice, broach the subject with some tact. If you come at a man with a bunch of heat in your chest because he didn’t open your door, be ready for a fight. And as shocking as this might sound, it WILL be your fault.

That’s all I got for today. Now I know I pissed somebody off somebody with what I said in this entry or the way I said. Well “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!” *Clark Gable voice*. And if you don’t know who Clark Gable is, you should probably go jump off a pier into shark-infested waters or watch Gone With the Wind, whichever works for you. But, until next time, peace and love…

Why Did I Get Married? (Inspired By Life and the Movie)

Posted on by under Love & Relationships, Poetry

Here I am
Standing here at the proverbial fork in the road
And all that’s on my mind is
Why did I get married
On one hand, there’s my kids and my wife
The loves of my life
On the other, there’s all the strife
The arguments and fights
In terms of this marriage thing, I haven’t been at it too long
But I swear sometimes it just feels all wrong
Then there are the times when it feels oh so right
Because I love this woman with all of my might
So I’m faced with a dilemma, a decision I must make
At this point of my life, which path should I take
To the left, the single life
Freedom, the ability to go with the motions
To the right is my wife
My family, love and devotion
Is this a trick question, which is the right way
Life as a family man or a return to my playa days
I remember that part of my life with conflicting emotions
Not a care in the world, cool as a breeze on the ocean
And you always could find me up in the club
Because my nights were lonely, I was missing love
And that’s where she came in
The keeper of my heart, the queen of my life
My best friend, my confidant, my beautiful wife
Who am I kidding, my choice has been made
My life is about more than trying to get laid
I’ve laid a foundation on which to build my legacy
That’ll last much longer than fleeting moments of ecstasy
A woman that’s worth some anger has gotta be worth some effort
Right?
Plus, I wouldn’t be able to breathe if I left her
And God blessed her, with the patience to deal with me
So that’s means our union is meant to last for eternity

The New Husband Store

Posted on by under Humor, Love & Relationships

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. “That’s nice,” she thinks, “but I want more.” So she continues upward. She goes to the third floor, the sign reads: Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. “Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor, the sign reads: Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. “Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!” Still, she goes to the fifth floor, the sign reads: Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, the sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

‘Til Death Do Us Part! (MARRIED OR NOT, you should read this…)

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I’ve got something to tell you.” She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why?” I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!” That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce,” she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. i suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously, I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mom out.” To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office, jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind. I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, “Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.” She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. “Do you have a fever?” she said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Jane,” I said, “I won’t divorce my wife. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.” Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.” That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed, dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction it would have on our son, in case we pushed through with the divorce. At least, in the eyes of our son, I’m a loving husband. THE SMALL DETAILS OF YOUR LIVES ARE WHAT REALLY MATTER IN A RELATIONSHIP. It’s not the house, the car, property or the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Most of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. YOU DON’T REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL ITS GONE!!!

Top 15 Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

Television, radio, and the Internet have been buzzing nonstop for years about the plight of single, black women looking for love, but what about all the single, black men? Nobody’s been bold enough to take a stand and speak out on behalf of all the good, single black men out there looking for love too. However, now, that’s all changed. The Victory Unlimited Show (victoryunlimitedshow.com) attacks this issue with the kind of guts, gusto, humor, and controversy that’s rarely heard in the mainstream media.

Based on feedback from the show’s fan base, the most recent broadcast entitled “The Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single” put forth the following list as the reasons why so many good black men are still unhappily single:

1. They keep meeting women with unrealistic expectations for what they want in a man.
2. They keep meeting women who put them in the wrong category by writing them off too quickly as not being “their type”.
3. They’re not wanted because they’re not needed. Too many women have told them that they don’t “need” a man.
4. They keep meeting black women who don’t respect them just because they “are” black men.
5. They keep failing women’s Girlfriend Approval Test. If the woman’s friends don’t like them, then that woman won’t give them a chance either.
6. They keep meeting women who are not interested in them, but only in how much money they make.
7. They’re nobody until somebody else loves them. Not enough women see them as a prize unless they see a lot of other women chasing after them first.
8. They meet too many women who don’t really know what they want.
9. They meet too many women who believe that single, good black men are “too good to be true”.
10. They’re the right man at the wrong time.
11. They meet too many women who don’t recognize a good man when they see one.
12. They don’t promote all the great things about themselves boldly or consistently enough to enough women.
13. He hasn’t found a woman that he felt strongly enough for to make him no longer feel the need to be single.
14. He’s having a lot of fun being single.
15. Instead of settling for a woman he can live with, his dream is to be with a woman he can’t live without.

Which One Are You?

Posted on by under Humor, Love & Relationships

A Man Has 4 Different Types of Girls: Wifey, Baby Girl, the Side Piece and the Jump Off…

1) Wifey is the sexiest, most successful and most respected of all the women. She is loved, needed and wanted by her man. She is VIRTUALLY IRREPLACEABLE. She is the girl that the guy loves and will always love, he never wants to see her with another man, BUT he will cheat on her with Baby Girl until he is mature enough to realize that if he gets caught or fucks up in any way and loses Wifey, he would be screwed, and NEVER be happy again. Wifey gets along with mom, is independent, never nags, loves to dress sexy for her man, can cook and loves to keep a clean house. Wifey gets called 5 or 6 times a day. Drawback of Wifey: she loves public displays of affection, which might interfere with the acquisition of a Side Piece.

2) Baby Girl is ALWAYS just as hot as wifey and usually has a very active social life. She IS replaceable, thinks she’s the next Wifey, but will only be Wifey if an extreme disaster takes place. Baby Girl gets some of the benefits of Wifey, like quality time every now and then and even presents on birthdays and holidays, but that’s as far as it goes. The main reason to have Baby Girl is in case Wife really really fucks up; she can be replaced in a matter of weeks because Baby Girl has been groomed to slip right into her spot. Be careful of Baby Girl, she tends to be just as attached as Wifey and therefore can be dangerous to the Side Piece. Biggest benefit of Baby Girl: she is extremely private and hates causing a scene, Baby Girl can come into the same restaurant as the man and Wifey and Wifey will have no idea the two even know each other. Baby Girl is a master of disguise as well.

3) Side Piece, usually a female that the guy uses only for sex or other pleasures. She is usually the one that he goes to for that threesome or some late night head after the club. When Wifey is acting up and Baby Girl is at work, the Side Piece is usually the one to hold him over for a few hours. He can meet with the Side Piece for reasons other than sex, but normally that only happens one week during the month. Side Pieces are hard to spot when they are out because most of her friends are either Wifeys or Jump Offs. Drawback of having more than one Side Piece: they usually know each other somehow. We think there is a side piece network or something. Try to keep your side piece count below 4 if possible.

4) Jump Off: every man’s dream and worst nightmare. She is trying to move up in life, wants to be a Side Piece or Wifey but doesn’t know how to go about it. They are just the girls he hollas at when he is with his boys. She is usually stored in the mobile phone by a nickname because he barely remembers her real name and where he met her, he only recalls how fat her ass was. The Jump Off gets called in emergencies only, when Wifey is moody, Baby Girl is on vacation and the Side Piece is with her baby’s father. The Jump Off is extremely dangerous in public for a number of reasons, she is usually 5 other guys’ Jump Off as well, so she might cause drama with you and one of those dudes if you slip up, she also has no problem confronting you in the mall when you are with Wifey (something that Baby Girl would NEVER do) and the most dangerous thing about Jump Off; she ALWAYS seems to find out where you live and or work…

So once again ladies, I ask… WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

Job Description

Posted on by under Love & Relationships, Poetry

There is an exciting, high-level position open within the dynamic organization known as mi vida loca. We are looking for an equally dynamic, energetic female to fill this position. The ideal candidate will meet ALL of the following requirements:

Must be willing to put her head on my shoulder, not because she’s sleepy, but because she wants to be closer to me.
I’m looking for a woman who likes to be kissed in the rain more than in a bedroom or an expensive restaurant.
I want a woman who says,”Okay, but you owe me…”, not because she actually wants something, but because it means she gets to spend more time with me.
I have to be able to take her anywhere and we will have fun because it means we’re spending time together.
She has to be incredibly picky, and when she finds something she likes she never wants to let it go.
I want a woman who never forgets all the sweet little things I do for her because I’m liable to forget.
She must possess eternal optimism, she never gives up hope even when she tell others she has.
I want a woman who once she lets me into her heart, there’s always a place there with my name on it.
And even if we spend time apart, I want a woman who never forgets me.
I want a woman who loves to end a hug with a kiss.
She has to be intelligent & well-rounded, so I can talk to her about anything.
She has brag about me to all of her friends.
She must be willing to listen to me talk, even if I’m not talking about anything important.
I want a woman who loves it when I hug her for no apparent reason. And she loves it even more when I hug her from behind.
She has to love me for me, and doesn’t care what other people say about us.
She has to enjoy it when I introduce her to my friends as my lady.
I want a woman who loves the feeling when I take her by the hand without saying a word.
She must love it when I give her flowers for no apparent reason. And she’s willing to do the same! (Yes! Men like flowers, too!)
I want a woman who thinks the world of me, but doesn’t make her world revolve around me. And she expects the same thing from me.

If you meet these requirements, please submit your resume along with 2 personal references to our HR Department. Only qualified candidates will be contacted for an interview.

Today’s Reflection – 10/12/11

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

Good evening world! I know I promised poetry and I swear I’m going to deliver. I have a lot on my mind right now, so poetry tends to get pushed to the back burner.

Everyone that knows me knows yesterday was not my favorite day of the year. Honestly, it very well could be the day I hate most (right up there with Valentine’s Day but that’s a topic for another time). For those that don’t know, yesterday was my father’s birthday. I know its not a huge deal but I’m still trying to find my way through my feelings concerning my dad’s passing. You know what they say, grieving is a process. But I really hate this process. There are days that I wake up and feel great. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, what could possibly be wrong? And then there are the other 342 days in the year. Maybe its just me, but I would think that after 4 years and countless other issues to deal with, my father not being here would have less of a catastrophic effect on my daily life. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather die than ever get to the point that I don’t feel something about him not being here, but I can’t continue on this self-destructive path I’m currently on. I need to find a happy (so to speak) medium.

I have a theory as to what may be the hold up on getting back on track, emotionally. I’m single. Now before anyone jumps down my throat, hear me out. For all my gruffness and assholery, I’m really a big fucking softy. I love family (I’m loving mine at a distance right now). And I’m at a point in my life where I want (and quite possibly need) my own. The loss of my father would be lessened (to an extent) by becoming a father myself. The problem is that the VAST MAJORITY of SINGLE WOMEN are out of their fucking minds! I’m all for a little crazy, it keeps things interesting, but you gotta be fucking kidding me with the fuckery that is running rampant in these silly ass broads minds. If they’re not possessed by the Green Eyed Monster (greed), they’re hung up on some dumbass that spurned them in the past. How is a good man that is looking to settle down and do right supposed to deal with that? Maybe its just single women in this city, but I highly doubt it.

So that leaves me in my current quandary. I’m 30 years old (soon to be 31) and absolutely scared to death of the single members of the fairer sex. What kind of hope do I have? None if you ask me. I’ve pretty much resigned myself to the line of thinking that I have not met the woman I will spend my life with and more than likely never will. And that’s just all kinds of bad…