I know what you’re thinking, “What’s the question?” Well, over the past week, I have been asked if my declaration of love for a certain woman is earnest and heartfelt, and how do I know for sure that I feel this way. Well, the answer to the first part of that question is yes. The answer to the second part is a little more lengthy and can be found below…

First and foremost, there is physical attraction. Anybody who doesn’t believe that physical attraction plays a large part in love needs to go jump off a building. Now. Secondly, she’s the one woman in my life that I become completely tongue-tied around. I feel like a shy schoolboy in her presence most of the times. I know what you’re thinking. If you love or are in love with someone, you should be able to speak to them freely. That might apply to the average person, but not me. I’ve worked diligently over the course of my adult life to be eloquent, articulate, well-spoken or whatever adjective you want to use, but when a woman has my heart, I find myself reverting back that shy little kid I used to be. It truly gets on my nerves but it’s one of the best barometers I have for gauging my feelings for a person. Third, there’s all the “attributes” that I look for in a woman. She’s smart, caring, sensitive and she has a great sense of humor. Also, she dominates my thoughts on a daily basis. I literally have to find something else to occupy my mind in order to stop myself from daydreaming about her. Now, I would love to take credit for coming to this conclusion, but I actually owe my best friend thanks for shining a light onto it and making me think. (Thanks Shay!) Please believe that there are more reasons, but I’m not able to express them in words at this time. But as I’m able to translate my feelings into text, I’ll be sure to come back and amend this entry, so check back from time to time. I’ll holla…

First off, let me say good morning as it is 7:50am when I’m writing this. In all honesty, I shouldn’t be doing anything except for sleeping. Or maybe going to the bathroom. Hell, its taking me quite a bit of time to type this but I think that has more to do with me using my Blackberry to write this than it does the mini-hangover I’m suffering from.

So, if you haven’t figured it out yet, I went out last night and did a little bit of drinking. In actuality, I think I did a lot of drinking, especially when I recall that I didn’t eat before consuming alcohol, which is an all-around no no for someone like me. (A little confused as to what I could be speaking about? Refer to the entry titled You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea… and read #13). I enjoyed myself though and that’s all that matters, right? Well, not so much. While I did have a great time, I also learned a very valuable lesson about myself. I know you’re all waiting in breathless anticipation for me to share this drunken epiphany I had. Here it is: at age 30 (yes I’m 30), I have somehow become an emotional drunk. Now, let me make sure I explain this correctly. I’m not one of those people that gets drunk and starts spazzing out on everyone in an alcohol-fueled, emotional rage. But I am a person that gets wrapped up in my feelings. Hell, I tend to do that when I’m sober so maybe it becomes more noticeable (at least to me) when I’m drinking. Who knows…

I bring this up because last night as well as the night before were spent with “The Woman of My…” (I’m still not able to finish that statement) and a few other friends. Now, I will admit (I’m mature enough to do so now) that I suffer from the same affliction that my father did, which is that I find it very difficult to tell the people that I care about how I feel about them in a serious manner. While my father chose to ignore the topic of his feelings for others altogether, I tend to try to make light of the topic by being making jokes. So let me say this now before I go on: if you are one of the select few people that truly means something to me, I love you from the bottom of my heart. All jokes aside, you help make life and all the things that I go through a little more bearable. But back to the topic…

The night started off okay. It was a group outing but most of the people that said they were coming didn’t show (another topic for another time). That’s okay because the folks that were in attendance made up for it. Now, I originally planned to remain sober for the whole night. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans. One shot led to another, which ultimately led to me consuming my archenemy, Jose Cuervo (long story). But somewhere in between the shots, the dancing and me somehow tearing a hole in my favorite jeans (which I’m completely pissed off about), I got caught up in my feelings for “You Know Who” and couldn’t really find my way out. I do have to commend myself because while I might have been an emotional trainwreck on the inside, I was able to maintain my composure (I think). Now, this happened to me after only a couple of shots, just imagine how I felt after consuming my nemesis. It took everything in my 5’10”, 235 pound frame (and no, I’m not fat. You would never guess I weigh that much by just looking at me) to keep my cool long enough to get away. But once I was able to distance myself from the situation, I rambled on about “You Know Who” to a good friend (thanks for listening, B) for the entire ride home. All bad…

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. I even know what my best friend would say if she were to read this. Hell, part of me is thinking and saying the same thing. But its not that easy. We don’t pick the people we love and we damn sure don’t have a say so in who we fall in love with. Yeah, I said it. I’m in love with “The Woman of My…” (I swear I’m gonna finish that statement one day). I’m not exactly sure when it happened, hell I’m still working on figuring out why it happened. But somewhere on this twisted journey that is my relationship with “You Know Who,” I fell into the deep end of the pool. Too bad I can’t swim…

I know you’re probably wondering, “Why didn’t he finish that sentence?” That’s because I can’t. A little confused? Welcome to the party! We had refreshments but I’ve been here so long, I ate them all. Sorry. But back to the topic…

I’m once again spending the evening with a woman that I want to be my significant other. Most people would think, “That’s great!” And in the average man’s life, it would be. I guess that’s what I get for being above average. Let me explain…

I have some very, very, VERY strong feelings this lady (yeah, that was 3 very’s). And while there are times that I think these feelings are reciprocated to an extent, I spend most of my time around her wondering if I exist. That’s not a good look for a man who’s ego is as big as mine is. Any man in my situation would completely distance himself from the woman and keep going about his life. Its not that easy for me. First off, if you know me, you know I’m nowhere near being in my right mind. Secondly, me and “The Woman of My…” (I still can’t finish that statement) share quite a few friends, so distancing myself from her would be infinitely difficult. So I’m stuck in a conundrum wrapped in an enigma surrounded by mystery. What should I do? I guess only time and my heart can answer that…

This has actually been on my mind for quite a while, but I didn’t want to write it and sound like I’m lonely and bitter. I’m actually bitter and lonely, there’s a big difference!

So far, I have lived a little over 29 (almost 30) years on this planet, and for the most part they have been exceptional. But here within the last few years, I’ve been having this feeling in the back of my mind that something was missing. For a while, I couldn’t put my finger on it. But after thinking about a conversation I had with my father about 5 or 6 years ago, it finally hit me. I’m at a point in my life where I want to have a family, but I don’t have a family. Does that make any sense? Let me explain then. While I kinda pride myself on the fact that I’m in late 20’s and I don’t have any children, deep down inside that is eating me alive. I go places and I see guys who look like they’re close to my age or younger with their kids and I REALLY want it too. Scratch that. I’m pretty sure I NEED it. And it seems like that urgency to settle down came on so suddenly! It feels like it wasn’t that long ago that I was running around, acting wild and saying that I was too young to commit myself in that way. But now, only a handful of years removed from that frame of mind, I find myself jealous of any father I see because they pretty much have what I want. And that kinda scares me because I think that I’m getting to the point that I’m willing to settle for just about anything and anyone to get what I want. Or worse yet, I’ll give up on love and solely concentrate on procreating just to ensure that my bloodline continues. And I know I’m WAY too good of a man to allow myself to go either route. I know if my pastor reads this, she’s gonna wanna tell me that God has somebody He made just for me. And that’s all well and good, but where is she? I’m 30, how long do I have to wait for Him to send her my way?! Or did she already enter my life and I was just a little too wrapped up in my own foolishness to recognize her? But that’s enough about that, I’m gonna switch topics…

And talk about something that all people are guilty of. I’ve given women (especially black women) a lot of grief about this in the past, but now it’s time to just put everybody on blast. We tend to overlook a good person for a good looking person. Now, I’m not solely talking about physical appearance, I’m talking about materialistically attractive people as well. Y’all know what I’m talking about! How many of you women have been out with your girls and have been approached by a guy who isn’t particularly flashy (i.e. fancy clothes, flashy jewelry) and blew him off? But you see a guy walk by who looks like he’s ballin’ outta control and you’re all up in his face? Be honest. You’re not lying to me, you’re lying to yourself. I know it happens, because it seems to always happen to me. And on the same hand fellas, we are just as guilty. We go out with our friends and ignore the sister who looks like she’s got her head on straight to chase some scatterbrain, gold digging, psychopath who looks like she’s smuggling hams in her pants. It’s ridiculous and we really need to stop!

That’s all I got for tonight. I’ll check back in again when I got more on my mind. Maybe someone will have actually read this by then. Yeah right! Peace and love…

A kiss on the stomach means “I’m ready”
A kiss on the forehead means “I hope we’re together forever”
A kiss on the ear means “You’re my everything”
A kiss on the cheek means “We’re friends”
A kiss on the hand means “I adore you”
A kiss on the neck means “We belong together”
A kiss on the shoulder means “I want you”
A kiss on the lips means “I love you”

What the gesture means…
Holding hands means “We definitely love each other”
A slap on the butt means “That’s mine”
Holding on tight means “I don’t want to let go”
Looking into each others eyes means “I just plain love you”
Playing with hair means “Tell me you love me”
Arms wrapped around the waist means “I love you too much to let go”
Laughing while kissing means “I am completely comfortable with you”

Some Advice to Live By
Don’t ask for a kiss, take one.
If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you’re definitely in love.

When you find a guy who loves you and shows that he loves you, go the extra mile for him
When you go shopping, buy something for him too even if he gave you the money
Call him or text him just to say I love you
Hold his hand in front of your friends
Stand by him no matter what choice in life he chooses. Let your love withstand anything
When he comes in from a hard day’s work, have his water running and his meal warm and waiting for him
When he is sleeping, just watch him and when he opens his eyes say “Baby, I love you”
Don’t let anyone stand in your way of happiness

Wow! I never thought that I would be sitting down and writing about a topic as enigmatic as love. Especially, if I wasn’t writing poetry about love (that seems to come naturally to me, when I don’t have writer’s block, that is). But, a friend wanted me to express my thoughts on the subject, so here we go. I might post the poem I wrote that has the same title (I have to rewrite the end of it first).

Love is the biggest contradiction known to man. Before anybody gets their feathers ruffled up, let me explain. True love is probably one of the strongest forces know to man, while at the same time being one of the most fragile. Love can make you feel like you’re invincible, and turn around and instill a feeling of insignificance. Love is a chemical reaction to environmental stimuli, a learned response and an ingrained part of our psyche.

And love manifests itself in, what seems to be, a million different ways. Real quick, write down all the things and people that you can unequivocally say that you love. Now, I’m not talking about things you like to do. I’m talking about things and people that you can’t imagine your life without. These don’t have to be things or people that are still in your life today, all that matters is that the emotion existed towards them. Go ahead, I’ll wait…

After a few minutes, my list is16 items long. But that’s neither here nor there.

And all of us have been in love at least once in our lives. Some of us are lucky to still be with that person, some are not. Some people want to believe that love is the cause of some great pain. I have to disagree. Love, in it’s truest and most pure form, could never cause the kind of damage that it has been know to be blamed for. Heartache is more the result of people not being honest in their relationships.

The biggest thing I want everybody to remember is that you can’t give up on love. Just because you’ve had some problems in the past, that doesn’t mean there isn’t somebody out there for you to love. And don’t think you can live your life without love. Love is an essential part of having a healthy, happy life.

That’s all I got for right now. I’m having a hard time getting my words to come out in clear, concise sentences, so I’m gonna put myself on pause for right now. I’ll try to add more as I make sense out of what’s in my head.

Listen up, students of love, today’s lesson is on philematology — the science of kissing. When was the last time you put serious thought into your kissing technique? High school? Instead of trying to master a new position from the Kama Sutra, remaster the first step of foreplay – the kiss.

Though most of us happily smooch our lovers, friends and family without second thought, when you give it some consideration, sticking your tongue into someone’s mouth – full of all those germs – doesn’t really seem like a natural way to express affection. And it isn’t a natural behavior, technically. Kissing – osculating, if you want to take this science thing seriously – is a learned action, not an instinctual one. In fact, there are still many cultures where kissing just doesn’t happen (joyless places, we can all agree).

So how did we kissing fools pick up the habit? Anthropology’s best guess is that kissing’s roots go back to a time long ago when mothers chewed their food and passed it by mouth to their young children. From there it became a sign of comfort or affection between mother and child, and later, in other relationships. Another popular – and more romantic – -theory is that kissing developed as a gesture symbolizing the union of souls. The Inuit, for example, believe the exhaled breath is part of the spirit, so rubbing noses (“Eskimo kisses”) is a way for your souls to mingle.

Like most human behavior, though, kissing can be explained by simple biology. Kissing, flirting, and of course, sex, are all related to pheromones. When you’re lip-to-lip, you’re close enough to subconsciously pick up on the hormone cocktail wafting off the scent glands on your partner’s cheeks. Women swoon for signals that the male has proper immunology to create a healthy child, while men pick up on signs of the woman’s fertility and strength. And all this time you thought you were just kissing because it felt good! Well, that’s part of the kissing equation, too. Our lips and tongues are packed with nerve endings, and the right stimulation increases your pulse and blood pressure, quickening the speed in which your brain starts pumping out the chemicals that make you feel all weak-kneed and googly-eyed.

But sometimes a kiss is just a kiss. There are all kinds of reasons for kissing, and not all of them have to do with sex. There’s the just-friends kiss, the good-bye kiss, the sympathy kiss, the kiss-and-make-up kiss, the good morning, sorry-I-haven’t-brushed-my-teeth kiss and millions more we haven’t even thought of. And that’s good. Since the average person spends two weeks of their life kissing, you’ve got plenty of time to try them all.

If you can’t kiss well, why should your lover believe you could do anything else? Here are a few techniques:

Begin with an Eskimo kiss: Make full body contact. Rub the side of your lover’s nose against your nose using small circles. Sound childish? Not according to Judith Jackson, author of Scentual Touch. She says, “The nose is lined with tissue very similar to the erectile tissue in sexual organs.”

Touch your lover’s face: Don’t feel his/her face like you’re blind. Rather gently place your fingertips on his/her chin or behind one ear. Don’t pull her towards you. Lean towards him/her until your lips meet.

Lock lips: Don’t try to impress him/her with your cultural understanding of the French by sticking your tongue in his/her mouth. Part your lips, and press your lips against his/her lips.

Get tongue-tied: Circle the tip of his/her tongue with yours. Kissing is a two way street. Let his/her tongue into your mouth as well.

Don’t swap too much spit: Consider the game over if he/she has to wipe his/her chin. Salivate over steak, not a woman/man.

A kiss isn’t just a kiss. Your kissing technique determines where else the night will lead.