She stood with her back to the airplane door and let go. In her mind, this was more than just a Saturday afternoon adventure. This wasn’t just another item crossed off her bucket list. This was a new beginning. This was escaping everything and everyone that was holding her back. As she plummeted back towards earth, she felt something she had never felt in her 30 years of living: freedom. True, unadulterated freedom. For the first time in her life, she felt like she was truly in control of her destiny. And although her heart was racing a million miles a minute, a sense of peace and calm washed over her.

She continued her descent to the ground below with her eyes closed. She heard the instructor screaming commands over the earpiece she was wearing. Only one stood out: “Relax your body and let the wind catch you.” She took a deep breath and obliged. She spread her arms and legs out, letting the glider wings on her suit unveil themselves. Almost instantly, the wind caught her and slowed her descent. That sense of flying took the whole experience to a new level. Overcome with joy, she let out a loud scream. The instructor was immediately back in her ear, asking if everything was okay. She assured that she was better than okay.

A few seconds later, she pulled the ripcord and braces herself. The parachute quickly unfolded. The force of it rapidly slowing her fall caught her off guard, causing her to let out a breathless grunt. Once she regained her bearings, she drank in the view. Never in her wildest dreams did she see herself doing something like this. A sense of empowerment sprang forth as she stared in amazement at her hometown off in the distance. A that very moment, she made a vow to herself: never let anything or anybody take this feeling away from her.

Moments later, she landed on the ground with a soft thud. She quickly got to her feet and reeled the colorful parachute in, just like she had been instructed to do. The look on her face was that of pure bliss. She was soon joined by the rest of her group as well as the instructor. He congratulated everyone on a great jump as they walked back to the hangar. She quickly changed out of her gear and back into her regular clothes. As she left, she got a call from her mother asking her how she felt. “Like I’m ready to take on the world.”

Good afternoon world! Normally, I don’t preface my short stories with any kind of introduction. There’s no real reason why, I just feel better about posting them and getting on with the day. But this one is different. I’ve wrestled with the decision to post it since the day I finished writing it. Not because I’m not proud of the work, but because it’s a sensitive topic. And while I don’t pretend to be the most sensitive man in the world, I never want to intentionally offend someone. But at the end of the day, I came to the conclusion that its better to put it out and let you, the reader, decide how to feel about instead of voluntarily censoring myself. So please be mindful that the subject of this story is of a sensitive and potentially troubling nature. This story in no way is meant to glorify it. Peace and love… 

Angela felt his warm, moist breath on her neck as she struggled to free herself of Luke’s iron grasp. Never in her wildest nightmares did she think she’d be in this situation. And definitely not with him.

They had started at the firm around the same time, she as a paralegal and he as an associate. Early on, he did everything he could to show his interest in a more personal relationship. He’d routinely ask her out for drinks or to dinner. Each time, she’d graciously turn him down. The pictures of his wife and kids hanging in his cubicle made it easy. And while his ego was a little bruised, Luke said that he understood. Over the five years they had worked together, they had become good friends. Luke even introduced her to her fiancé, Shelton. Luke and Shelton went to Duke University together. Shelton even stayed with Luke and his wife when he first moved to New York.

Since the hospital was within walking distance of the Manhattan skyscraper that served as the home of the law firm, Shelton would routinely stop by to take Angela to lunch or bring her coffee. Sometimes, the two couples would get together for dinner when Shelton’s schedule would permit. On more than one occasion, Shelton caught Luke staring at Angela. This made Shelton uneasy.

“There’s something about him,” Shelton would say each time, “I think he still likes you.” Angela would always brush off the insinuation. After all, she felt like they had developed a real friendship over the years. “He’s responsible for us being together,” she would respond, “Why would he hook us up if he wanted me for himself?” Angela also made sure to let it be well known that she was more than happy in her relationship with Shelton. The walls of her own cubicle were plastered with pictures of the two of them. Her wedding plans were the talk of the office.

A few months later, the law firm threw an office party to celebrate Luke’s promotion to junior partner. Everyone was in attendance. When Angela and Shelton walked in, the whole room noticed. Shelton was dressed in nice three piece sharkskin suit with a lavender shirt and tie. Angela had on a white silk blouse, a tight fitting black pencil skirt and a pair of 6 inch Christian Louboutin heels. They walked around the room and Angela introduced her fiancé to all of her co-workers. As they walked to the bar to get some champagne, Luke and his wife approached. The two couples exchanged pleasantries and small talk. As Angela and Luke’s wife, Christina, stood and listened to their men talk football, Angela started to feel a little queasy. She politely excused herself and made her way to the bathroom. A few minutes later, Luke followed her.

Angela was washing her hands when Luke slipped into the women’s restroom behind her. She didn’t even notice he had entered the room. In an instant, he pushed her up against the counter in front of her and quickly pulled her pencil skirt up around her waist. “Please don’t,” she whimpered as he pawed at her breasts through her silk blouse. She begged and begged for him to stop. Her pleas went unanswered. He reached between her legs and ripped her lace panties off. She fought back with all her might as he fumbled to find the opening to her womanhood. Tears formed in her eyes as he shoved his fingers inside her. “You’re so wet,” he growled as he unzipped his pants and pulled out his member, “I see why Shelton loves you so much.” Hearing him mention her fiancé’s name seemed to hurt more than the sensation of him digging in her vagina. She began to sob uncontrollably as he forced himself inside and thrusted away.

After what felt like an eternity, he grunted and stepped away from her. Angela collapsed onto the marble floor below her and curled up into a ball as he zipped up his pants and scurried out of the restroom. A mixture of confusion and rage washed over Angela as she laid there and wept. Why would he do this to me? That was the prevailing thought in her head. Just then, Justine, one of Angela’s coworkers entered the room. “Oh my God! Honey are you okay,” she exclaimed as she knelt down beside Angela. Angela didn’t respond, she just laid there and cried. The lady quickly ran to fetch Shelton.

When they returned, Angela was trying to get back on her feet. “Babe, are you okay,” Shelton asked, “What happened?!” He reached out for her but quickly withdrew from him. He looked around and noticed the torn underwear on the floor. “Who did it,” he snarled. She didn’t respond. Justine walked over to Angela and embraced her coworker. “Honey, tell us what happened.”

The trio exited the bathroom and found an empty office to go into. Justine helped Angela into a soft leather armchair and knelt beside her. After a few moments of intense silence, Angela finally recounted what had just happened to her. When she was done with her story, she looked up at Shelton. A look of pure, unadulterated rage had exploded all over his face. “Can you please take her to New York Presbyterian, and I’ll meet you there,” Shelton asked Justine through clenched teeth. Then he stormed out of the room.

By the time Angela got to the hospital, she had calmed down enough that she was no longer crying. Justine held her hand as they walked into the emergency room and told the nurse that she had been raped. Angela was quickly whisked away to an examination room. The rape exam was almost like living through the ordeal again. She was asked to strip and her clothes were sealed away in evidence bags. Every inch of her body was photographed for marks or bruises. Then, the doctor performed a pelvic exam on her. And while it didn’t necessarily hurt, Angela flinched every time she was touched. Finally, she was interviewed by a detective. The questions she was asked bordered on invasion of privacy, and she didn’t feel comfortable answering them. But she did. By the time it was over, Shelton arrived at the hospital. When Angela saw him, she ran into his arms and buried her face in his chest. “I’m so sorry babe,” he whispered as he squeezed her tight.

The money was just sitting there. I couldn’t stop staring at it. In the midst of all the chaos going on around me, I found myself solely focused on it. I peeked out from my hiding spot to see if the coast was clear. Bullets were wildly flying through the air like hungry mosquitoes. I ducked down and gathered my nerve. Then I made a mad dash for the bag. Once I had it in my hands, I hugged it tightly to my chest and started looking for an exit. Right beside me, laid the freshly slain body of one of Gustav’s henchmen in a growing pool of his own bright red blood. His gun was just a few feet away from him. I started to grab it, but hesitated. What am I doing? I’m not a killer, I’m an accountant!

Bullets continued to whiz through the air around me. I crawled over a few more recently deceased and dove out of the warehouse’s emergency exit. I looked around to see if anyone noticed me. I was in the clear. I scrambled to my feet and searched for transportation. I didn’t drive to this massacre and I didn’t want to go back in and try to find keys to any of the cars outside. I fished my iPhone out of my pocket and opened the Uber app. Before I requested the ride, I stopped. I decided it would be smarter to put some distance between myself and my current surroundings. Plus, I figured it would be too easy for someone to track my movements through Uber.

I scurried away from the warehouse, diving and hiding behind shipping containers in case I was being followed. Eventually, I made my way to the security gate for the docks. I took a moment to compose myself. Then I slung the duffel bag strap across my body and calmly walked past the security guard. He looked in my direction, so I smiled and nodded. He returned the gesture and went back to his magazine. I stopped right outside the gate and fished out my wallet. I had about $35 dollars in cash on me, so I hailed a taxi.

I had the cab drop me off a few blocks from my condo, just as a precaution. As I walked home, I carefully scanned the faces around me. As I approached my building, Stanley, the doorman, greeted me. I shot him an uneasy smile as I darted into the lobby and headed to the service elevator in the back of the building. Once I was in my apartment, I stashed the duffle bag in the coat closet. Then, doing my best price officer impression, I checked every room to make sure I was alone. When I got to my bedroom, I flopped down on the bed. I had no idea what to do next. Surely by now, Gustav noticed that not only I, but the money was missing. I was certain one of his goons would be knocking on my door any moment. As I awaited my perceived impending doom, I couldn’t hep regret not grabbing a gun before I left the warehouse. Although I had never held, let alone shot a gun in my entire life, I was quite sure it was probably better to have one and not need it than need one one and not have it. I sat there on the foot of my bed for hours, waiting for someone to come to the door.

As the sun began to set over the city’s skyline, I came to grips with the fact that no one was coming. I had gotten away with it! I hopped up on the bed and did a quick celebratory dance. But as unbridled glee washed over me, I couldn’t help but feel a small pang of curiosity. There was no way a man like Gustav would just let that kind of money vanish. So why had no one come looking for it? For me? I hopped down off of my bed and darted into my closet to change into something less conspicuous. While I pulled on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, I decided to go back to the warehouse to investigate. I grabbed the keys to my Audi A4 off my dresser and headed out the door.

As I drove towards the warehouse, my mind began to race. The closer I got, the wilder my imagination became. But the time I arrived, I was having a full-blown panic attack thinking of what Gustav would do to me when he found out I took the money. But the scene that awaited me when I pulled up to the gate was beyond belief. The entire area was swarming with police officers and emergency medical personnel. I parked my car and got out, trying my best to regain my composure. I approached the guard and pretended to be just another curious passerby.

“What happened?” My voice cracked as I tried my best to come across as just another nosey New Yorker.

“Couple of gangsters got into a shootout in one of the warehouses.” He didn’t even look in my direction.

“That’s crazy. Anybody alive?”

“Nah. Cops say it looks like they all clipped one another.” That’s when he turned to look at me.

“Hey! Weren’t you here earlier?”

The fact that he recognized me felt like a punch to the gut. I took a microsecond to deal with the shock and recompose myself, then softly shook my head.

“Nah, I just got one of those faces. Ya know?”

The guard shrugged it off and sat back down on his stool. While I walked back to my car, I let out a small sigh of relief as it dawned on me that I was now a very rich man.

It was just a normal Sunday when the doorbell rang, waking her from her nap. She flung open the door and locked eyes with the devil himself. He stared into the windows to her soul for what seemed like an eternity, then with a charming smile on his face, he asked if he could come in. Before she could answer, he pushed past her and entered her home. “Come on in,” she said under her breath as she closed the door. She followed him into the living room and watched in amazement as he snapped his fingers and the room was magically cleaned.

“You know what they say,” he quipped as he took a seat in her husband’s favorite armchair, “Cleanliness is close to… well, you know the rest.” That sly smile spread out across his handsome face again as she let out an uneasy chuckle. She sat down on the end of the couch furthest away from him and hugged a throw pillow nervously. “So how has literary success been treating you?” he asked as he crossed his legs and leaned back in the armchair. She let out a heavy sigh. “Seems to me that I more than kept up my end of the bargain,” he continued, “Unless you think that you wrote 4 consecutive bestsellers on your own.” She leaned back and clutched the pillow harder. If there was one thing she couldn’t accuse Lucifer of, it was not keeping his word.

It had been about 5 years since they met in the research section of the Atlanta Public Library. She was struggling to come up with a solid story idea and was in fear of her publisher dropping her. She was at the end of her rope, that’s when she did something that was completely out of character for her. She closed her eyes, clasped her hands together and prayed to God. Or at least she thought  was praying to God. As she sat there sending her wishes into the atmosphere, an odd smell filled the room. At first, she couldn’t really place it. But after a few moments, it hit her. It smelled like struck matches. And expensive cologne. As the smell filled her nostrils, she opened her eyes. In front of her sat the most breathtakingly handsome she had ever seen. 

“So you’re having some trouble getting past your writer’s block,” he said, then the corners of his mouth began to curl. She stared at him for a moment, trying to connect with the eyes behind the Ray-Ban sunglasses. 

“I don’t mean to be rude, but who are you?”

“Let’s just say that I’m a huge fan,” he replied smugly as he peered at her over the top of his glasses and flashed her a million dollar smile.

By now, confusion and curiosity were running rampant in her head. But what the hell, maybe it’ll help to talk about it. It sure as hell can’t hurt. She leaned back in her chair and nodded her head. “I’d give anything for a good story idea,” she exasperated.

“Anything you say?” He removed his sunglasses and leaned forward. She nodded. The stress of trying to come up with a topic for her novel had hit its apex. 

“Hell, I’d sell my soul for a bestseller right now,” she continued with a chuckle. His gaze intensified. 

“I have an idea for a novel that I would be willing to give you,” he said. She sat straight up in her chair. What’s the catch? Nobody gives anything away without expecting something in return. “I wouldn’t ask for any credit, I just want to be compensated on the back end if the book is in deed successful,” he continued.

She stared into the handsome stranger’s face for what seemed like an eternity. “How much are we talking? What would consider successful?” His long fingers intertwined as his perfectly manicured nails almost sparkled in the overhead fluorescent light.

“You said a bestseller was worth your soul, let’s make that the benchmark and the price.” At that moment, room around them faded away and it suddenly got much warmer. “So do we have a deal, my dear?” A sinister smile pushed his cheeks up to his eyes as he stretched out his flawlessly manicured hand. Although hesitant, she reached out and gave his hand a firm shake. Instantly, they were transported back to the research section of the library. He stood up from the table and started to walk away. Before he could get away, she reached out and grabbed him.

“What about the story idea,” she inquired. He simply replied, “Check your email.”

Here they were again, multiple years and bestsellers later. He had more than kept up his end of the bargain, so now it was time for her to do the same. They say in silence for a moment, the tension in the air grew thicker by the second. At that moment, her 7 year old daughter came running into the room. She was completely oblivious to her mother’s guest at first, but that changed almost instantly. She turned to face the handsome man sitting in her dad’s favorite chair. Her first inclination was to approach him, but something made her stop and retreat to her mother’s embrace.

“Honey, this is mommy’s…” she paused, trying to find the best way to introduce her daughter to the devil, “work friend, Mr. Damien.” Beelezebub leaned forward in the chair and flashed that million dollar smile at the little girl. Although hesitant, the little girl politely greeted “Mr. Damien” before returning to the warmth of her mother’s embrace.

“Go play, baby. When me and Mr. Damien are done talking, I’ll fix you breakfast.” She gave the little girl a kiss on the forehead and a light pat on the backside to send her on her way. The little girl slowly backed out of the room, never taking her eyes off of her mom’s guest. Once they were alone again, Lucifer returned to the business at hand.

“So about repayment,” he said, crossing his legs and placing his hands on his knee. She sunk down in her seat on the sofa and squeezed the throw pillow even tighter. She took a moment to reconcile her perceived fate. She asked for a moment to say goodbye to her family. Before he could respond, there was another knock at the door. Before she could move to answer, a kindly looking older man dressed in all white let himself in. “I figured I’d let myself in, didn’t wanna disturb you two.”

Lucifer let out a heavy sigh. He was hoping to conclude his business without any further interruptions, especially from Him. She sat there staring at the 2 well dressed men in her living room, waves of confusion washing over her.

“Are you who I think you are?” He nodded and smiled. “Yes my dear, I am God.” Then He turned His attention towards his longtime adversary.

“Hello Gabriel, you look good. Is that Brioni?” He extended His hand towards the devil. Lucifer rose from his seat and crossed the room in one swift motion.

“Yes it is. I wish I could same the same for You. Isn’t the all-white look just a little played out?” He firmly gripped God’s hand. “Now if you don’t mind seeing yourself out,” he continued, “We have some unfinished business to tend to.” He tried to pull away from God, but couldn’t.

“It’s funny you mentioned your business, that’s why I’m here. You can’t have her soul.” The devil tried again to release himself from God’s grip. And just as before, he failed. God flashed a toothy smile and gave Satan’s hand a gentle squeeze, which dropped him to his knees. Then He leaned in close and whispered, “For eons, I’ve put up with your petulant behavior with the patience of Job, but I grow tired of playing these games with you.” He let go of his hand and the devil slithered back to his seat. “Consider this matter closed, leave this place and never return!” At that very moment, lightning ripped through the bright, sunny sky outside.

“But we had a deal,” Lucifer whined, “That agreement must be honored in full!”

“I HAVE SPOKEN!!!” The bass in His voice reverberated off the walls of the room as more lightning shot through the morning sky.

The devil scrambled to get on his feet. Although he wanted to challenge God, he decided not to. Instead, he calmly responded, “I’m still owed a soul. If I can’t have hers, I’ll take the husband. Or the daughter.” She began to sob hysterically.

“You’ll do no such thing,” God bellowed, “You’ll leave this home empty-handed while I’m gracious enough to allow you to do so.”

Reluctantly accepting defeat, the devil let out another heavy sigh and disappeared in a cloud of black smoke. The room filled with the smell of sulfur and brimstone. “Insolent child,” God murmured. He turned to face her.

“You’d be wise not to give away things that don’t belong to you, my dear.” She softly nodded her head. Then God vanished in a flash of white light.

When the light subsided, she was sitting in the library. Just then, a handsome stranger approached smelling of struck matches and expensive cologne.

It had been 20 years since they’d seen each other, and neither knew what to say. David and David Junior, or DJ as his family affectionately called him sat and stared at each other. Each intensely studying the features that they had only seen in the mirror up until this point. They both seemed to be astonished by how much they resemble the other. The younger man had been trying kid this his whole life, but did his best to dismiss it. Even when presented with pictures to prove it, he still shrugged off the comparisons like a running back breaking a tackle. But now, face to face, he couldn’t deny the fact that he was basically staring into a mirror. The older man had spent the last 2 decades in Jefferson City Correctional Facility for manslaughter. And while the crime was committed in self defense, his public defender still pushed him to take a plea deal. “It’s better than the life sentence I would’ve caught for the weight in my trunk.” That’s the way he justified it at the time, and that same thought had brought him a sense of peace over the past 7,254 days. But here he was, just a few months shy of parole, staring at his doppelganger across a steel table.

“Hey Junior,” the elder David said, a slight smile spread across his face, “How you been?” DJ sat there and stared back at his father, stonefaced. “Don’t call me that.”

David let out a light sigh. “Your name is David Williams, Junior, son. Why wouldn’t I call you that?” DJ leaned forward on the table and said, “Because you’ve never been a father to me. You don’t deserve to call me Junior.”

The elder David softly nodded his head, contemplating how to react to his son’s blatant disrespect. “That’s fine. So how have you been DJ?” DJ’s face softened a bit and he gave his father a recap on his life. As David listened, the pain in missing his only son growing up slowly crept onto his face. Once DJ was done, David immediately apologized for his absence. “It’s nothing. You were a street nigga doing street nigga shit,” DJ replied. David shook his head, dismissing the character assassination that was just laid at his feet. “That’s not what is was, son.” DJ leaned by in his plastic chair. “Set me straight then.”

David took a deep breath and began to tell his son the story of his life, and the night that ultimately landed him in prison. David had been a straight A student all through school. He even went to college on a football scholarship. But midway through his sophomore year, he severely injured his hip and was never able to play again. Despite that, he still managed to finish earning his bachelor’s degree in Early Childhood Education. Finding a job after college was struggle of epic proportions. School districts seemed to be reluctant to hire a 6’5” black man to stand in front of a class full of elementary school students. Eventually, David found work in a warehouse. And while he and DJ’s mother, David’s now ex-wife, were able to make ends meet, things quickly changed when she got pregnant with Diana, DJ’s older sister. David was barely able to provide for his wife and newborn daughter with his paycheck from the warehouse. That’s when he was approached by a childhood friend named Antonio. At first, he was just supposed to provide security for Antonio’s meetings with his connect and rivals and he would more than enough money to take care of his family. But when Diana got sick, David needed to earn more. That’s when he started slanging.

For a while, the money was good. Actually, it was better than good. It was great. David was able to pay for his daughter’s medical bills and provide his family with a comfortable lifestyle. But when his wife became pregnant again, David was faced with a difficult choice: continue to work at the warehouse or hit the streets full-time. Antonio offered David a “promotion” of sorts. He became Antonio’s #2. He would be in charge of distributing product to the street-level pushers. But one night, David’s entire world came crashing down. On his way to the store to get formula for his newborn son, a couple of guys from a rival crew ran up on David in the grocery store parking lot and tried to rob him. Afraid of what Antonio might do to his family if he lost the product that was in his trunk, David fought them off with all his might. The brawl ended with one guy dead and another in intensive care. David quickly hopped in his car and sped home. He got there just in time to kiss his baby boy before the police arrived to arrest him.

“So you see son, it was never my intent to leave you.” Tears were rolling down David’s cheeks. Across the table, DJ had began to tear up as well. “I’m so sorry, but I didn’t know what else to do to support you guys.” David reached out for his son, and DJ reached back. The 2 stood up and embraced each other for the first time ever. One of the guards came over and tapped David on the shoulder, letting him know that their behavior was not acceptable. “Sorry, its my first time seeing my son since he was a baby.” The guard nodded and told them to both sit back down.

Once they were back in their respective seats, David asked his son if there was anything else going on in his life. DJ wiped the tears from his eyes, then smiled at his father. He was currently attending the University of Missouri (his father’s alma mater) on a football scholarship. There were even some rumors that he could be drafted by an NFL team after the season. With the biggest grin imaginable, David leaned back in his chair and exclaimed, “That’s my boy!”

He prayed that she didn’t call him up to the front of the class. Their eyes locked and he just knew she was going to call his name. He sunk down in his chair and tried to hide behind his textbook. She scanned the room before continuing her lecture. He let out a heavy sigh of relief and went back to his real work, drawing. That’s how he escaped the monotony that had become AP English. While she rattled on about Chaucer, Dickens, Dumas and the rest, he created entire worlds in his sketchbook. Sometimes he even used her lectures as inspiration, like the time he drew a picture of William Shakespeare riding a fire breathing dragon while the class discussed Romeo and Juliet. He was bright back to reality by the bell ringing, so he quickly packed up his belongings and scurried out of the classroom.

The next morning, he walked into class and told himself that he was going to pay attention. In his heart, he knew it was wrong to daydream and draw in the middle of class. He took a seat at his desk and sat up straight in his chair. But just as she got into a long monologue from A Tale of Two Cities, his mind began to wander. He furiously shook his he’d and retrained his focus on his teacher’s words. He tried his hardest to visualize the scene she was reading. Before he knew it, he was sketching his vision on a piece of notebook paper. And that’s when it happened. “Mr. Williams,” she beckoned from the front of the class, “Would you like to share your thoughts on the selection?”

Hearing his name being called instantly snatched him back to the real world. He sat up straight and looked around, slightly bewildered by what was happening. He looked up at his teacher, who was staring directly back at him. He slowly rose from his seat and started to walk towards the front of the room. “And please bring whatever it is you’ve been working on for the last few minutes,” she added. The knot in his throat was the size of an old Buick. He reached back and grabbed the notebook from his desk and continued his death march towards the front.

When he arrived, she reached out for his notebook. Hesitantly, he handed it to her and waited for her response. She studied the paper for what seemed like forever. Finally, she handed it back to him ad said, “Please share with the class what you’ve been doing.” He looked at her and just blinked, unsure of how to proceed. Sensing his confusion, she stood up, grabbed a dry erase marker and handed it to him. “Please reproduce your work on the board behind you,” she clarified. By now, he was sweating bullets. He sat the notebook down on the desk, removed the cap from the marker and began to draw.

When he was done, he turned to face his fellow classmates. The looks on their faces ranged from astonished to inspired. “You’re a incredible artist,” she chimed in, “Do you think you could do this for me with every reading selection for the rest of the semester?” He meekly nodded his head before returning to his seat.

Fifteen minutes ago, I was good. Now, I can’t get my hands to stop shaking. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. My stomach feels queasy. I’m sweating like I just ran a marathon. “Why did you make me do that,” I screamed, “Why?!” That’s when the tears began to stream down my cheeks. I stood there shaking like a leaf, looking at the result of my actions. My crew grabbed me and stuffed me into the backseat of an SUV and sped off. That’s when I began to sob uncontrollably.

He had been my best friend my whole damn life. Hell, we were closer than friends. We were brothers. Everywhere one of us went, the other was right behind. That’s how we ended up here. We didn’t come from the best neighborhood. Statistically speaking, there were but so many ways to make it out: sports, music, or some sort of illegal activity. And while we were good at both of the former, we chose the latter as our escape route.

We started out selling dime bags for this wanna be big time nigga from our neighborhood when we were 13. Even back then, I think had a sense for how this story would go, how things would eventually end. I was unsure about the whole thing. My big cousin had gotten his brains blown out by his homeboy just the year before. And while the police told the family they suspected that it was a robbery gone bad, we knew what had really happened. I had told myself that I wouldn’t go down that same path. But there I was, accepting a package from a flashy nigga that I didn’t respect in the least bit.

As we grew up, so did our business. We had gone from selling dimes on the corner to moving major weight for these Colombian cats we met through some mutual friends. Nobody suspected that 2 honor roll students from the projects were building the largest drug empire the city had ever seen. And we loved that. Nobody saw us coming. Not even that flashy nigga from back in the day when I stuck a knife in his jugular after I caught wind that he was gonna turn state’s evidence against us. I ain’t gonna lie, it felt good to knock his punk ass off. I would’ve done that just for the hell of it.

As the SUV sped through the city, I slowly began to regain my composure. I found myself staring out the window, wondering what life would’ve been like had we chosen a different path. I saw myself in college, working a regular job in corporate America, getting married, having a couple kids. Up until that point, nothing about a normal life intrigued me. I loved the thrill that came with what we did. But in that moment, after the events of that night, I craved normalcy.

A few minutes later, we pulled into the warehouse that served as our base of operations. I slowly got out of the SUV as the rest of my crew went about business as usual. I stood for a moment and watched what was going on around me. I had never paid this much attention, but now it was like my eyes were opened for the first time. And everything I saw disgusted me. In that very instant, I knew I had to find a way out. I rushed to my office and locked the door. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or where I was going, but I had to come up with a plan quick.

I poked my head out the office door and quickly scanned the room then called my lieutenant over. He asked what was going on. I told him that I was gonna disappear for a while. His expression quickly soured. I reassured him that everything would be fine, I just needed to get away for a little bit. He told that I should let the rest of the crew know. Reluctantly, I agreed and walked out of the office. Once I had everyone’s attention, I let them know of my intentions to “take a break” for the foreseeable future. Everyone nodded and went back to whatever they were doing.

I grabbed the keys to my BMW 530i and headed outside. The cool night air passed over me and the events of the night fully set in. I had killed my best friend less than an hour ago. Hell, I still had the gun tucked in my waistband. I pulled the Glock out of the small of my back and examined it. Then I pressed it to my temple and squeezed the trigger.