This is gonna sound kinda odd to some people, but I’m sick and fucking tired of being single! Especially around this time of the year! It seems like everywhere I go, I’m surrounded by couples and makes me want to pull out the little bit of hair that I have! And the bad part is that there is somebody that I would give anything in this world to be with, but there seems to be way too many roadblocks along that road. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not planning on giving up on her (And she should know who she is. Matter of fact, I’m on the phone with her right now.) I’m gonna have to look at the situation in a realistic light. There is an incredible amount of distance between us and even if we lived right next door to each other, she has a man! Now I’m cocky son of a something or other, but I’m a little apprehensive about pursuing a woman that is in a relationship, no matter how I feel about her or if I know in my heart of hearts that we are meant to be together. So the best that I can do right now is make sure that I make my feelings and intentions well known to her and hope that she sees the light at the end of the tunnel. But then again, I’ve never really been one to be passive when it comes to chasing what I want in life. But then again, I’m kinda scared to break up her relationship because karma is one mean-spirited bitch! The same way that she would leave her man to be with me, she could leave me to be with somebody else.

I know this post seems like just one long ass run-on sentence, but I’m just speaking from my heart and this is how it sounds in my head. So I’ll continue…

Now this certain special young lady isn’t the only potential love interest on the horizon. She just happens to be head and shoulders above the rest. Maybe I’m over-thinking the situation and if we are meant to be together then it will happen. But there is nothing wrong with giving fate a little kick in the pants, is there? Or maybe I should keep my feelings to myself and move on. But that sounds like a punk move. How could I ever achieve true happiness if I denied myself my heart’s biggest want? I think I don’t give other women a fair shake at being in my life because I’m either holding out for the one I want, or I unfairly compare them to her. And I admit that I have her on a pedestal so high she might get a nose bleed. I don’t know. I’m just confused right now and kinda out of words.

I know it’s past Thanksgiving, but I felt that I should write this post anyway. First and foremost, I’m thankful for being alive and healthy. God obviously has a plan for me or I would be gone by now. Second, I’m thankful for my family and friends. I’ve been through a lot of dark times, especially in the last few years, and they were always there for me, no matter what. Last but certainly not least, I’m thankful for myself. As I take time to reflect on my life and all the pitfalls and perils that I’ve been through, I always come to the same conclusion. A person of lesser mind and weaker resolve would have given up a long time ago. But I’m either too cocky or too naive to accept defeat, even if it’s staring me right in the face.

First and foremost, happy belated birthday to me! And for all of you who contacted me and wished me a happy birthday, thanks a lot! I can’t begin to imagine the words that would express my appreciation. For all of you who knew when my birthday was and forgot, shame on you! But enough about that. It’s officially been 2 days since I reached the nice, ripe, round age of 25 and a few things have come to light. First, I don’t feel that different! When I was younger, I always thought that I would feel a lot older when I reached my mid-20’s. But I still feel like that shy, un-confident kid that I was through most of high school. That sounds funny, huh? I played sports all throughout high school, I always could be found around some of the prettiest girls in my high school, I always looked nice, but for some reason, I could never get past that awkwardness that most guys who were nowhere near as popular as I was dealt with on a daily basis. Still, to this day, I get nervous as hell when I even think about approaching a woman, especially if she is fine! Now ain’t that about a bitch! The second thing that I realized is that I’m not doing the things that I planned to be doing when I reached this part of my life. I’m not gonna take the time to go through that list right now, the battery in my laptop is about to die. I think it’s kinda funny that most people say that when they take time to reflect on their life. Why do we seem to always stray away from those childhood aspirations as we grow up? We should let our earlier dreams be the guiding light through life. Because, let’s be honest, the last time most of us were truly and completely happy was when we were kids. So maybe the dreams we have as a child hold some kind of magical way to recapture a small part of that happiness from earlier in our lives. But then again, I could be drunk off of leftover birthday cake and Paul Masson right now. Who knows…

Before I post any of the clutter that occupies my gray matter, I had to share something. I’ve just had another experience that reinforces the fact that life is a never-ending cycle. When I was a little dude, probably around 10 or 11, my biggest dream was to be in the music business. I dreamed day and night about being onstage with everyone in the audience’s attention focused squarely on me. I even took up writing to make sure that I had plenty of material for when I made it. As I got older, that boyhood dream faded a little bit but my love for writing never did. But recently, I had a chance to live out that little boy’s dream and it was beyond description! I’ve done some of the wildest things that a sane person can do, but nothing I can think of can match the adrenaline rush I got from being on that stage for just a few minutes.