The Crush

He loved every minute of her company. If only she knew he existed. That was the tragic poetry of it, really.

Evan Carter had spent thirteen years in the same classroom orbit as Lily Ramirez. Thirteen years of shared pencils, shared group projects, shared fire drills and field trips and fluorescent-lit mornings. From the sticky tables of kindergarten to the scuffed tile floors of senior year, she had been there: three seats to the left, two rows up, sometimes behind him, sometimes ahead. Always close enough to see. Never close enough to touch.

In kindergarten, she wore her hair in crooked pigtails and cried on the first day of school. He had offered her his blue crayon. She had taken it without looking at him.

In fourth grade, she beat him at the spelling bee. He’d clapped the loudest.

In eighth grade, she tripped during the relay race, and he ran back to help her up. She thanked him politely—“Thanks… Evan, right?”—and the way she said his name had kept him awake for three nights.

By junior year, Lily Ramirez had become the kind of girl teachers described as “bright” and classmates described as “out of your league.” She laughed easily, spoke confidently, and somehow managed to make even a wrinkled school hoodie look like it belonged on a magazine cover.

Evan, on the other hand, had perfected the art of invisibility. He wasn’t unpopular. He wasn’t awkward in any spectacular way. He was simply… there. The dependable lab partner. The quiet guy who got good grades. The one who said “nice shot” at basketball games but never took the shot himself.

He told himself it didn’t matter. Loving her quietly was enough. Being near her was enough. Until it wasn’t.

The realization came in March of senior year. Graduation banners were beginning to be hung in the hallways. College acceptance letters were discussed like trading cards. People who had known each other since they still believed in cooties were suddenly making promises about staying in touch.

Evan watched Lily at her locker, laughing with her friends, sunlight slipping through the high windows and catching in her hair. In a few weeks, she’d be gone—to a university two states away. And he would still be the boy who never said anything.

The thought hit him like a slammed locker door. If he didn’t try now, he would carry this silence for the rest of his life.

That night, he lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. What’s the worst that could happen? She says no. But another voice whispered: What if she doesn’t even know who you are? The idea terrified him more than rejection.

The next morning, he made a decision. Not tomorrow. Not after prom. Not at graduation when emotions were high and everything felt cinematic. Today.

He spotted her during lunch, sitting beneath the old oak tree near the edge of the courtyard—the same tree where their class had taken a group photo in second grade. She was alone, flipping through a book, sunlight dancing across the pages.

His legs felt like borrowed equipment as he walked toward her.

“This is it,” he said to himself. “This is the moment.”

“Hey, Lily.”

She looked up. And smiled. Not the polite smile she gave strangers. Not the distracted smile she gave teachers. A real one. Warm. Almost… relieved?

“Evan,” she said easily, as if she’d been saying his name her whole life. “I was wondering how long it would take you.”

His brain stalled.

“…What?”

She closed her book. “I’ve been in the same class as you since kindergarten. You really think I don’t notice when you’re staring at me during assembly?”

His face burned. “I— I wasn’t—”

“You were,” she said, amused. “And you always let me borrow your notes in math. And you always volunteer to be my lab partner when no one else does.”

“That’s because—” He stopped. There was no point pretending now. “Because I like you.”

The words hung between them, fragile and electric. She studied him, and for a terrifying second he thought he’d misread everything.

Then she laughed softly. “Evan, I’ve liked you since eighth grade.”

He blinked. “You… what?”

She shrugged, suddenly shy. “You ran back to help me when I fell during the relay race. Everyone else kept running. You didn’t.”

“That was just—”

“Kind,” she finished. “It was kind.”

Silence settled between them again, but it wasn’t heavy anymore. It felt like standing at the edge of something new.

“I kept waiting,” she admitted. “I thought you’d say something eventually.”

“I thought you didn’t know I existed.”

She tilted her head. “You’ve always existed to me.”

The simplicity of it made his chest ache.

He swallowed. “So… would you maybe want to go out with me? Before graduation? There’s that little café downtown—you know, the one with the fairy lights?”

Her smile widened. “I was hoping you’d ask.”

“Is that a yes?”

“That’s a yes.”

For a moment, neither of them moved. The world didn’t burst into applause. The sky didn’t shift colors. The bell didn’t ring at some perfect cinematic second. But something changed. Years of quiet glances and almost-moments crystallized into something real. As they stood up together, walking back toward the building, their shoulders brushed. And this time, neither of them pretended it was an accident.

Sometimes love isn’t about grand gestures. Sometimes it’s about finally finding the courage to say what’s been true all along. And sometimes, the person you think hasn’t noticed you— has been waiting for you to speak all along.

Ain’t It Funny? Don’t Ya Think?

Once again, good evening world! Hopefully, this blog finds you in good health and even better spirits. I know what you’re thinking, “Didn’t he just post a poem because he said he couldn’t think of anything to write about?” Well, you’re absolutely right! I literally just posted a poem and then I was struck by inspiration. At least I think it was inspiration, it might’ve been a stoke. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a stroke because I still have full control of all my bodily functions and don’t feel particularly strokish right now. But I digress…

Now I know you’re wondering, what kind of inspiration could hit me in just a few seconds. Well, that’s the funny part. I literally was hit with a spark all because of a Facebook notification (gotta love FB sometimes). Once again, I know what you’re thinking, “What kind of notification was that?” It wasn’t so much about the notification itself as it was the person that caused it to happen. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is another diatribe about a woman that has caught my eye.

Before I begin, let me warn you. Unlike most of my entries, this is completely off-the-cuff. Not sure what that means? Well, basically that means I’m prone to repeating myself and some of thoughts might not be completely coherent. But it will all be grammatically correct, I’m not a monster. Furthermore, because I haven’t taken the time to mentally outline my thoughts, everything I say write will be completely unfiltered. So there’s a good chance I might say write something that is potentially embarrassing to me, my loved ones and quite possibly the subject of this post. Still wanna keep reading? Good, let’s get started…

Have you ever interacted with someone and they find a way to completely ensnare you with even the simplest of things? Neither had I until I had the good fortune of coming across this lady. Since we “met” last year, I can’t seem to get her out of my mind. Please believe me when I say that no woman has ever had me this enthralled without doing something completely spectacular to capture my attention. I find myself thinking about her on a pretty regular basis. There are songs that remind me of her and when i hear them, I listen to them over and over again. I ain’t trying to say I’m in love, but damn, this is more than the average “She’s pretty easy on the eyes” reaction that most women get from me nowadays.

Up until this point, I’ve been pretty vague about the circumstances of my connection to this woman. Let me stop that now. As of today, we have yet to physically meet. We’re FB friends, we’ve shared a few text message conversations, talked on the phone a few times but I have yet to lay my eyes on her. And that kills me. If this woman has managed to capture my heart pique my interest purely through electronic communication, what chance do I stand in person? We all know that I’m nothing more than a quivering mass of mushy, romantic ass, man jelly. What happens when my real-life version of the movie You’ve Got Mail comes to climatic scene where the two protagonists meet? What if she doesn’t meet my standards I don’t meet her standards? What if she’s not interested in me the same way? If that was to happen, I seriously think my heart would push its way out of my chest cavity and commit Harakiri on the spot. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but what else would you expect from me? And if you don’t know what Harakiri is, well that’s what Wikipedia is for.

For those that know me (or have at least read a few of the entries in this blog), you know that I think of myself as the world’s largest walking contradiction. For just about every adjective you could use to describe me, you could also use the opposite and still be correct. This completely asinine and annoying character trait is most prevalent when examining my social/romantic life (or lack thereof at the present moment). When I’m around a group of people, I’m the life of the party. I’m outgoing, charming, witty, all that good shit. But let me get around a woman that I’m digging and I clam the fuck up. I start shaking like a leaf and shit, its just not a good look for me. I swear I hate that about myself.

Now, I know this is my first time mentioning, let alone devoting an entire post, to this woman. And there’s a very good reason for that. I’ve been trying my hardest failing miserably to put my thoughts and feelings about this woman into words. If there’s one thing I can do, its wax poetic about pretty much anything that comes to mind. Compound that with my mile-wide romantic streak, and you would think there would be volumes of sonnets written to and inspired by this woman. But there’s not. She literally has my silly ass tongue-tied. And that truly sucks because I have not been able to fully express how I feel. Hence the reason for this entry.

Now, that’s all I’m gonna share with you guys today. That’s not to say that my thoughts of this woman aren’t a little more in depth, but I have my reasons for not wanting to put them all out there right now. Mainly because I don’t want to scare her off if and/or when she decides to read this. So until next time, peace and love…