Good evening world! I want to start out by apologizing for that entry yesterday. I wasn’t giving my writing my full attention, and that’s unfair to anybody that takes time out of their day to read the ramblings of this self-described lunatic. I can wholeheartedly assure you that you will never have to worry about me doing that again. But back to what brings us here today.
You’ve probably heard someone say “chivalry is dead” thousands of time. That young men (and even some older men) just don’t know how to treat a woman accordingly. And that individual you heard say it was probably a disappointed woman. Men aren’t stupid. Even fatherless, Lil’ Wayne look-alikes know what they are supposed to do. It doesn’t take a Harvard MBA to open and close car doors. What it does take, however, are seemingly desirable qualities. Chivalrous behavior is no longer the norm, because it is not required. Not all men have forgotten the rules to being a gentleman, but many just don’t care anymore. Gone are the days when women expected men to open, hold and close doors for them. Many would rather do it themselves to demonstrate their “independence.” Others (due to absent fathers and/or negative experiences) don’t know where to set their expectations; consequently, not setting any at all. Men adhere to what is demanded of them, which is the reason some women are professional jump-offs while others keep getting wifed.
Well, I’m here to tell you that chivalry is NOT dead! It is, however, on life support and its up to all of us to revive it. How do we do that, you ask? Simple fellas. We start treating our women they way they deserve to be treated. Wait a minute, let me be careful with that statement because there are some females in this world who’s actions are deserving of being treated like shit. That doesn’t mean we treat them that way, but we all know people are bound to read what they want. So let me say it like this: We need to start treating our women like the ladies they either are or that we wish they were. Guys, below are a few examples of how we can bring chivalrous behavior back from its perceived grave:
1. Give Up Your Seat on Any Form of Public Transportation
Straight up, it seems as if a woman has to be past five months pregnant or on crutches to get some men to let them sit down on a packed train or bus. I’ve seen too many men, white, black, green and blue, sit comfortably in their cozy plastic seat, looking straightforward trying to ignore the woman holding on to a germ infected pole or overhead rail for dear life so she won’t fall while waiting for her stop. I’ve seen signs of hope in older men who might ask if a woman wants to trade seats, but it’s a rarity they’ll insist on it if she gives a half-hearted, wanting but not wanting to inconvenience “that’s okay.” Act like you have some home training. Get up and insist that woman sits down. If you’re on the train or bus with a bunch of your friends, make them get their asses up too. No man should be sitting while there is even one woman standing.
2. Open the Damn Door for Her, Even if You Don’t Know Her
This one might be my biggest pet peeve, and I definitely don’t see men do this very much anymore. How many times have you seen a man reach a door before a woman that he may or may not know, and walk in as if she doesn’t exist? Really fool?! Does it take that much to hold the door for a few seconds and let that woman walk in? Even if you find yourself holding the door for a group of women, be like Nike and JUST DO IT! You would want somebody to hold that door for your mother/sister/wife/girlfriend, so why not do it yourself? Its just that simple. I swear it grinds my gears every time I see a guy not hold a door for a woman. It shows pure laziness, not a lack of etiquette.
3. Walk Next to the Street, Closest to Traffic
It shouldn’t be only on a date that a man stands closest to the street when with a woman, it should be an everyday thing. When a woman is walking on the sidewalk, whenever, wherever, a man is supposed to walk on the side of the street next to the traffic. Will a car necessarily come flying into you as you walk to McDonalds? Hopefully not, but dang, a woman shouldn’t be the one about to fall into oncoming traffic because there are too many men on the sidewalk trying to window shop. Plus, what would happen if a car were to run across a puddle and splash water all over your female companion? Do you know how shabbily women’s clothing is made nowadays? That would be a bad look for all involved.
4. Wait for Her To Actually Make it “IN” Safely
So your date is over and you take her back to her place. It’s agreed that nothing else will happen on that evening (meaning, you’re sleeping at your own place) so you’ll quickly drop her off and head home. It’s not always necessary for you to walk her to her door (though it would be nice), especially if her front door is visible and not shrouded in bushes and mystery, so you exchange hugs and maybe a kiss before she walks to the door. Stay there long enough to make sure she opens the door, gives you a little wave to let you know that she’s in safely and closes the door behind her. You never know who or what could be in someone’s home, or could be waiting for them outside of it on the low. If you’re safely and comfortably in the car, what would it really hurt to wait just a little bit longer as she closes the door behind herself, somewhat ensuring that she’s made it in safely? Better yet, get your lazy ass out the car and walk her to her door, no matter what. Be a man about your shit, especially if you want that door to close behind the both of you one day.
5. Move Heavy Objects for Your Lady, or Any Woman
This one should be just plain common sense. There’s something extremely vexing about watching a man look at a woman as she struggles to move something that is clearly too heavy, and fail to ask her if she needs help. Chances are, if you were to stop and offer her some help, she wouldn’t ask you to stop your entire day to come help her move her entire apartment around, so why not help her out real quick? Just the tiniest bit of help, whether you can hold a door for her while she comes out or open a car door for her when she’s ready to load would go a long way. But I’m noticing a lot of fellas are giving off that, “she’ll be alright” face. Stop that bullshit ASAFP!
6. Don’t Let the Conversation Die, or Even Worse, Make it All About You
There’s two types of big errors that can be made by us when it comes to holding a conversation. For one, when we text, call, chat, send smoke signals, or whatever with a woman to show that we’re ready and willing to converse, but have NOTHING to say. Nothing to contribute to the conversation. It’s irritating to women (or anybody, to be honest) when they have to continuously find something to say while the we’re on the opposite end of the phone/computer/table giving short replies to everything. But an even worse error is to hold a conversation with a woman, yet make it all about us: our likes, our thousands of dislikes, why our job is so awesome, etc. We might not realize it, but the more a conversation turns self-centered, the less and less she’s going to feel like continuing that conversation. And then, her interest will wane towards you in general. If you won’t let her make the smallest of points in a conversation without cutting her off to talk about how you beat your homeboy in Madden the other day, why should she give a fuck about anything you have to say?
7. Watch Your F***ing Mouth!
Guys, we tend to get WAY too comfortable around people really fast and wind up talking crazy as if we’ve known them all our lives. When you meet a woman, if some of those 25 cent curse words start flying during what should be a calm conversation about the weather or your day, you have a problem. Same goes for spewing the N word. Not every black person on earth pines to say that word or even feels comfortable hearing it, so assuming she won’t care or you shouldn’t respect her enough to watch your language in front of her is one of those extra non-subtle ways of letting her know you don’t believe in such a thing as “act right.” She’s gonna run for the hills, screaming like a banshee. That goes for reciting song lyrics too. If you know the newest 2 Chainz song that comes on the radio well enough to recite each verse word for word, then you know where the curse words are and can simply mute yourself when they come up.
Now ladies, I know y’all probably giving me a standing ovation for the way I just let the guys know about themselves. And while its true that we’re mostly at fault for our lack of good behavior, that does’t completely clear y’all of any wrongdoing. Below are just a few reasons why you might not be able to meet a guy that will treat you the way you want, or get your current guy to act right. I hope you enjoy this part as much as you enjoyed co-signing all of the above shortcomings of men:
1. You’re Overly Aggressive
Most men can appreciate an assertive woman, but aggressive women come off like dogs in heat—horny and desperate. It’s okay to make your interest known, even spark conversation; but don’t be pushy. No one is going to go out of their way for a girl taking whatever she can get. Men actively pursue women they are interested in talking to. If he doesn’t ask for your number, it is usually because he doesn’t want it. Learn to accept rejection, we have to.
2. You’re Overtly Sexual
Men generally don’t have much respect for women they perceive as easy and/or sleazy in appearance. Leave sex out of the initial conversations or that is what he will come to expect. Balance out your outfits. Once you get thrown into the smash box, there is no coming back. Men don’t see the need in wooing women who wear mini-skirts without panties and see-through leggings. Your clothes should be tight enough for us to know you’re a woman, but loose enough for us to know you’re a lady. Learn how manage that balance, okay? Thanks!
3. You’re Loud
Speaking loudly in public is not classy. In fact, it’s often closely associated with being hood. Guys typically don’t feel it is necessary to try to impress uncouth women. So if you want him to treat you with some class and dignity, act like you got some first.
4. You Pop Your Gum
Among other things, like smacking your food or slurping on your drink. These things amount to an F in Etiquette 101. Guys don’t expect you to expect them to open your door. So, they don’t *shrug*.
5. You’re Militant
That whole angry, black woman thing? Yeah, not so feminine. Men don’t know if you’re going to lecture them on feminism for assuming rights to the bill or coyly oblige. You could be really sweet, but it doesn’t matter if he can’t see it.
6. You Don’t Give Him a Chance
You’re so used to do everything for yourself that, naturally, you take charge before guys get the opportunity to be chivalrous. Nothing wrong with being independent. Just be sure to leave room for him to spoil you a bit, or don’t be mad when he doesn’t even try. Its your decision, choose wisely and don’t complain when you get what you ask for.
7. You Complain, Constantly
A woman who complains regularly is deemed insatiable. Men eventually give up trying to do things to make a woman feel special if she never seems satisfied. Remember what your mom used to always say: if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut the fuck up. Or something along those lines…
8. You Curse Like a Sailor
Just like you don’t want us cursing up a storm in front of you, we don’t want to hear your potty mouth all the time either. Matter of fact, we don’t want to hear it at all unless you’re really, really, REALLY upset. It’s easy for men to treat you like one of the boys when you sound like them. And, guys don’t buy roses for their friends. So, work on that. Once again, if you want him to treat you with some class and dignity, act like you got some first.
9. You Don’t Speak Up
Thanks to the low and/or non-existent standards of some (read:most) women, the rest have to be more vocal regarding their expectations because so many allow men to do little to nothing to show they have common courtesy or even know what it is. I’m not saying it’s your fault men don’t open doors for women like they used to. I’m just saying it’s your fault if they don’t do it for you. A word of advice, broach the subject with some tact. If you come at a man with a bunch of heat in your chest because he didn’t open your door, be ready for a fight. And as shocking as this might sound, it WILL be your fault.
That’s all I got for today. Now I know I pissed somebody off somebody with what I said in this entry or the way I said. Well “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn!” *Clark Gable voice*. And if you don’t know who Clark Gable is, you should probably go jump off a pier into shark-infested waters or watch Gone With the Wind, whichever works for you. But, until next time, peace and love…
