The Old Couple

Their wrinkled fingers still fit perfectly together. She kissed his forehead as he slept. The room was quiet except for the slow, steady rhythm of two lives winding down in unison. The soft hum of the ceiling fan stirred the curtains, letting in a pale ribbon of moonlight that rested gently across their bed. It traced the lines of their faces—etched by time, softened by love.

He stirred slightly at her touch, not waking, but knowing. After all these years, he always knew. Her thumb brushed over his knuckles, memorizing the shape of his hand as if she hadn’t done so a thousand times before. Her breathing was shallow now, but calm. There was no fear in her chest—only a quiet fullness. And then, like the tide pulling gently away from shore, memories began to come.

She is twenty-three again, standing in the rain outside a small train station, clutching a suitcase she packed too quickly. Her hair sticks to her cheeks, and she’s laughing—nervous, uncertain. He runs toward her, breathless, coat half-buttoned, calling her name like it’s the only word that matters.

“You’re late,” she teases.

“I couldn’t let you leave,” he says. That was the first time he held her hand.

In the present, his fingers tighten just slightly around hers, as if he, too, is following the thread backward.

He is twenty-seven, kneeling awkwardly in a field of wildflowers he didn’t realize would stain his pants. His voice shakes as he asks her to marry him. She doesn’t let him finish the sentence before saying yes. They laugh then—loud, unrestrained, the kind of laughter that echoes into forever.

A soft breath escapes her lips in the dim room. Her head tilts closer to his shoulder.

She is thirty-two, sitting on the kitchen floor at midnight, crying over a burnt dinner and unpaid bills. He sits beside her, pulling her close, whispering that they’ll figure it out. They always did.

He shifts faintly in the bed, his face relaxing, as if hearing those words again.

He is forty-five, holding their child for the first time, terrified and awestruck. She stands beside him, exhausted but radiant, watching him fall in love all over again.

“You’re going to spoil them,” she says.

“Absolutely,” he replies.

The moonlight moves slightly, inching across the room like time itself refusing to stop, even now.

She is sixty, dancing with him in the living room to a song neither of them remembers the name of. Their steps are clumsy, but it doesn’t matter. They sway more than dance, laughing when he nearly trips.

“Still got it,” he insists.

“Barely,” she smiles.

Back in the quiet bedroom, their breaths grow softer, slower.

He is seventy-eight, sitting beside her hospital bed after her surgery, refusing to leave. He reads to her from a book, though his voice cracks every few sentences.

“You can rest,” she tells him.

“I will,” he says. “When you’re home.”

Her fingers curl slightly, as if answering him across time.

Now, there is only this moment. The years have folded into something small enough to hold between their hands. She leans closer, her lips near his temple, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“I’m still here.”

And though his eyes never open, the faintest smile touches his lips.

“I know,” he breathes.

Their fingers remain intertwined as their breaths grow quieter… then quieter still. Like a song reaching its final note, gently, without resistance. And then—stillness. But not emptiness. Because somewhere, in the space where memories live, they are still laughing in the rain, still dancing in the living room, still holding hands for the very first time.

Love, Marriage & Everything In Between… (Just My Thoughts & Feelings)

Good morning world! I hope this blog finds you in good health and even better spirits. I know its been a while since I actually wrote to you guys, but I haven’t had much to say. Today, we’re gonna talk about probably one of my favorite and least favorite subjects, love. I know what you’re thinking, “How can it be a favorite and least favorite at the same damn time?” That’s simple, keep reading and you’ll find out.

Anybody that truly knows me knows I’m true romantic at heart. I’m the guy that watches romantic comedies. Not because I’m being forced to by my girlfriend/wife, but because I like to see people in love. That and Hollywood’s warped perception of the dynamics of romantic relationships is the funniest thing ever. But that’s a topic for another day, maybe.

As I sit here on this December morning at the ripe “old” age of 32, I find myself recounting my romantic history. I can count on a single hand the number of SERIOUS relationships I’ve had in my life. Of course, like any reasonably attractive male in America, I’ve had my fair share of casual relationships. And I’ve had more than my fair share of bullshit interactions with women to fill in the time in between something with a little more substance. But as I sit here and think of those handful of true romances, I realize that I’ve only been in love once in my life. That’s not to say that I didn’t have very strong feelings for all of the women that were more than just bit players in the grand production that is my life. Hell, I can say with a certain amount of certainty that I loved (and in some cases might still love) every woman that has played a significant role in my own personal Rom-Com. But, so far, there has only been one woman that I can truly say I was IN love with.

I think a lot of people don’t know the difference between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone. That could be one of the reasons why the divorce rate in this country is so damn high. Who knows. I wish I could put into words what it means to be in love, but the experience is different for each person. So, I’ll try my best to describe what being in love was like for me. Hopefully, it’ll help. First off, all the cliches that you hear were true for me. I found myself thinking about her first thing in the morning and as I laid my head down each night. I was ready, willing and able to do anything that would bring a smile to her face. I placed her above myself in the hierarchy of my life, almost to my detriment at times. I loved her daughter as if she was my own. I lost track of “me” and focused solely on “us.” I know you’re probably thinking none of these things sound especially monumental, but they are to me. I’m probably one of the most self-centered people you will ever meet, but that’s because I only have myself to worry about. So for me to put someone else’s wants and needs ahead of my own is enormously significant.

For as grateful as I am to be able to say that I was in love with someone at some point in my life (because everybody is not that fortunate), I think it came a little too early in my life. I was in my mid-20’s and still smelling myself. While a part of me was ready to settle down the other half wanted to be on some Wilt Chamberlain type shit. Talk about a conflict of interest. I’m not sure if this internal strife led to the destruction of my relationship with this young lady, but I know it has kept me from truly committing to anyone since then. That’s not to say that I haven’t had offers, but I knew that I still needed to work on me a little bit more. Its hard to wholly give yourself to one person when you’re still trying to smash every PYT that walks past you. I’d rather be alone than be a cheater, I do have some kind of moral fiber.

So here I am, awaiting the chance to take on the next great adventure that my life has to offer me, married life and parenthood. And while I can have the former without the latter, I’m not one for reversing that. Did I lose some of you? Let me say it differently then. I’m at point in my life (and probably have been for the better part of 2-3 years) where I’m ready to be a husband and father. Its one thing I’ve never tried my hand at and I’m anxious and excited to do. And while I would be able to live with being a husband only (even though its not my preference), I can’t say thing about only being a father. No disrespect to any of you that had children out of wedlock, but that’s just not who I am. I was raised to believe that the title of husband was mandatory to become a father. I know that’s biologically correct (I’m not an idiot), but you know what I mean. Like I said before, I do have some kind of moral fiber. Once again, no disrespect to those of you that took a different path to parenthood.

I was raised to think that being a husband was the second greatest position a man could ever hold, second only to being a father. That’s why I have the hardest time understanding men that shy away from stepping up to the plate, especially when it comes to their children. I understand shit happens, relationships fall apart, condoms break, accidents happen. But if your actions resulted in the creation of a life (the only miracle that humans can pull off), be adult enough to shoulder the responsibility. Scratch that. Saying it like that makes it sound like a burden. While the financial, emotional and physical strain of having kids in today’s society might be daunting, no kid should ever be viewed as albatross that you’re forced to bear. Having kids is a privilege. A privilege that some people take for granted. If you don’t believe me, just ask someone that’s trying to have kids with no success.

I dream of the day that I have a son (even though I know I’m going to have a daughter. Karma is an evil bitch). I daydream about playing catch, teaching him to tie a tie, etc. I know it sounds like a bunch of sappy shit and some of you might not believe me, but these are thoughts that run rampant in my head. I pray on daily basis for the opportunity to be a husband and father. I just don’t get how everybody doesn’t feel like that. Okay, I can understand not wanting to be married, its not for everybody. I get that. But what kind of monster doesn’t want to be a parent? Especially if you already have children? Seriously, if you can’t get excited about being in your child’s life and seeing them become the person that God intends for them to be, you should kill yourself. Twice. Maybe three times just to be certain that you did it right.

My dreams of fatherhood doesn’t end with just me and my child. I have large scale dreams of grand and opulent wedding that all my family members and closest friends attend. My hours of REM sleep are spent envisioning a life that I want. Tasks and duties that would seem small and mundane to those that are already married or have no soul are the things I pine for. Like I said, I’m a romantic. While most people pray for a million dollars, I pray to meet the woman I’m going to spend my life with. I wish for a million dollars too, but I want the woman more.

I think that’s all I have for today. Actually its not, but where my train of thought is heading now would better be served as a separate entry. So maybe we’ll make that happen tomorrow, but I’m not making any promises. So until the next time we meet, peace and love…