First and foremost, happy April! know I promised to write more, then turned around and continued to ignore my…. 4 or 5 readers (that’s a joke). I’m sorry guys. My life is kinda all over the place right now, so its hard to find time to sit down and share with you all. But let’s get on with today’s ramblings. Bare with me, I have a lot on my mind so I’m going to try and touch on all of it in this one entry…

First, I once again find myself under attack by my nemesis, Writer’s Block. Every bout I have with this dreaded affliction scares me more than the last one. I think it’s because as I’m getting older, these creative brain freezes are occurring more and more. Plus, it never feels like I have Writer’s Block. I’m always tweeking something I’ve written, rewriting someone else’s work or working on one of my many unfinished pieces. It doesn’t hit me until I try to write something new and original. I’ve said this numerous times before; I identify myself in several different ways, some of them I’m not exactly proud of, but being a poet/songwriter is the one that shines light on my dark soul. And it truly and honestly scare the shit out of me when I can’t showcase that God-given talent. Everyone that knows me knows that I’ve had dreams of being a grandfather, sitting around dropping verses on my grandkids in between naps and episodes of Matlock. Writer’s Block makes me think that that dream might not come true and I hate that. I love being a writer so much, that I’m actually jealous of my friends that are writers and are able to write whenever they want. I could literally do without everything else in my life if I was able to write the way I want to.

Second, I got this old man at my job that I swear to God I’m gonna have to put my hands on! I’m not a (completely) evil person and I try to show people respect until given a reason not to. With that being said, this old man has found a way to move into the #2 slot on my hitlist (only a select few know who #1 is). That is an amazing accomplishment, especially when you consider that I’ve only been working with him for 4 weeks and the first 2 weeks he was okay! How the hell do you rub somebody the wrong way in 14 damn days?! It sounds completely unfathomable! But he found a way to accomplish it, kudos to him. Now somebody tell him to avoid me like the Black Plague, because I’m sure to bring certain death if he doesn’t. Let me tell y’all what he does. I work in the men’s shoe department at Macy’s, and I work on commission. So this old man’s first crime is that he’s a shark, he steals sales. And if you stealing my sales, you stealing my money. Strike one. Like everybody else, he’s had a hard life. But unlike everybody else, he refuses to take responsibility for what happened. That’s not enough to dislike person, but the fact that I’ve heard his life story so many damn times over the past 28 days is! This old bastard tells his life story at the drop of the hat to anybody (whethere they’ll listen or not) all damn day, every damn day! Strike two. If that wasn’t enough, he’s one of those old people that’s under the delusion that he deserves your respect purely because he’s old. Where they do that shit at?! Age is not an automatic qualifier for respect. Respect is though! He believes he should get to take a break whenever he wants just because of his age. I’m fine with him not being around. But if you say you’re gonna take a break, take a damn break! Don’t stand around complaining about needing a break but not do anything about it. Either go or shut the fuck up! And he likes to talk down to people because he’s older than them. Age does not qualify you to be my superior, especially when we have the same title and I made it there with less formal education than you and in half the damn time! And he doesn’t know how to control the volume of his voice. I shouldn’t be able to hear your side of a conversation from 75-100 feet away! There’s no need to be that damn loud! Inside voices are for where? Inside asshole, so use it! Strike three.

Third, I don’t know how many of you are single. I have even less of an idea of how many of you are happy being single. But I’m here to tell you, I HATE THIS SHIT! Let me clarify, I am content with my life as a whole. I’ve never been to jail, I don’t have a bunch of kids running around, I’m gainfully employed, I dress nice, I’m intelligent and reasonably good looking. I don’t really have a lot to complain about. But I’m a hopeless romantic, so the one thing that’s missing on that list is one that carries quite a bit of weight. I dare to say that it just about carries the most weight. And we’re entering the time of the year that being single is magnified in my mind. Spring is the time of the year for love, but it looks like I’ll be a spectator this year. Again. That’s not to say I don’t have my romantic encounters, I do. But my list of porsective love interests isn’t exactly what I’ve been used to. Maybe I’m asking for too much of myself.

For all intense purposes, I’m damaged goods in the romantic sense and I’m not just referring to the whole melodrama that partially played out in this blog. Let me start from the beginning. First off, I’m really shy. While I’m not completely hampered by my shyness (unlike most shy guys, I can talk to women that I’m attracted to), it does hinder me from approaching and interacting with women in a way that best reflects my true intentions. I either end up in one of 2 places: the friend zone or the booty call list. While neither of those is completely horrible, sometimes that just isn’t where I wanna be. Secondly, while I’m not the worst man running around town, I’m definitely not the best. I’m somewhat shallow, fickle at times, pretentious, picky, selfish, a little conceited and I’m a world-class asshole. In other words, I’m a full-time job with mandatory overtime. I offer a lot of great benefits, but you’re gonna have to work your ass off. It’s gonna take an exceptional woman to deal with me and I have yet to meet one that is up to the task, as well as willing and available to take it on. Let me explain that. I have met women that think they are equipped to deal with me on a romantic level and I’ve met women that I feel are capable of doing it but they’re unable to commit to me, for one reason or another. And that brings me to my third point. I have a pretty bad track record when it comes to relationships. As much as I would like to break down and tell my horror stories, I’m not completely comfortable doing so at this time.

My best friend tells me that I need to be patient and that it’ll happen when its time, but I just don’t see it. Plus, as she loves to tell me everyday, I’m kinda long in the tooth. Time isn’t standing still, waiting on me to find a woman to spend my life with. Plus, I’m really impatient! How long do I have to wait? Damn…

Well, that’s pretty much all I feel like sharing right now. Maybe I’ll write another entry tonight or tomorrow morning or the day after or…