Good morning everybody! Sorry for the lapse in time between entries. I’ve been meaning to write more often but life has been getting in the way. I would say it won’t happen again, but would you really believe me? Exactly. Let’s get into today’s topic…

Now, I know you read the title and automatically thought that I was gonna blather on about 4 random women in my life that I have feelings for. You’re partially right! I find myself waking up every morning a touch saddened that I’m not able to see these 3 certain women as much as I want. The fourth woman I wouldn’t so much say I wish I could see her as much as I want, but I definitely do wish our relationship was different. Let me explain…

The first woman is my best friend. She’s been there to support me through some really dark times over the past few years and I hate that we don’t get to hang out as much as I would like. I might see my bestest once every other week. We talk on the phone on a somewhat regular basis, but I HATE talking on the phone so that doesn’t even count in my world. If I could have my way, I would like to see my best friend at least 3 times a week. Why, you ask? It’s rare that I meet people that I have so much in common with that we can almost finish each other’s thoughts. My best friend is only the second person that has come into my life that I have that kind of connection with. Most of our communication is non-verbal. Plus, if you know me, you know that I always feel like I’m on stage when I’m around people. Like I always have to put on a facade and be the witty, entertaining person that everyone else knows and loves. I don’t mind that because I’m a natural entertainer, I like to make sure everybody else is in a good mood and having fun. But there are instances when I need to take some time off and just be me. My best friend is one of 2 people in my life that I can do that with. I don’t have to be the center of attention with her. She’s perfectly fine with me just sitting in the room with her, quietly. She doesn’t ask me every five minutes if I’m okay or if something is bothering me. I love that! Hell, I need that at times…

The second woman is almost a carbon copy of my best friend. There are some similarities in their roles in my life but also some drastic differences. She inspires me to allow my greatness out. She puts a smile on my face with the simplest of things, a text message. She came and sat with me in the hospital when I was scared to death of being by myself. That is HUGE to me! Out of the 4 women I miss, I actually see her the most.

Now, the next 2 are kinda complicated. They’re both my mother, but they are 2 different people. Just read, hopefully it’ll make sense…

The third woman is my mother. For obviously reasons, I miss my mother. We live in 2 different cities, we barely talk on the phone because our schedules don’t match up well enough to accommodate regular phone conversations, plus there’s my whole hatred for talking on the phone. Once again, this is a woman that was there for me through a dark patch of time in my life. That means a lot to me. I draw people like that closer to me because I know I’m not the easiest person to love, especially when shit is not going my way. So anybody that chooses to stick it out with me, I can’t help but love them for the rest of my life. My mother might be the one person that could get me to move back to Missouri. And I think she knows it! There was a point in time when she asked at least once a week. And I almost caved in…

The fourth woman is my mother. This is a different person from the lady mentioned above. As I said earlier, I don’t wish I could see her more, I wish our relationship was different (read better). You would think my connection to someone that is largely responsible for me being here would be unbreakable. Hell, you would think that the connection would exist. That’s entirely true. We do have a connection; it’s just not as strong as expected. Or at least, not as strong as I would prefer. I’m not saying I want us to be like best friends. I already had one parental best friend, not really up for another one. But I think our relationship could stand to have more interaction besides my infrequent and uncomfortable visits for holidays.

These women aren’t missed in any particular order. They’re all equally important to me in their own way. Until next time, peace and love…