Her new boyfriend was perfect, maybe too perfect. That was the first thought that crossed Claire Bennett’s mind the morning after Daniel kissed her for the first time. It was not a romantic thought. Romantic thoughts were supposed to be things like I can’t believe I found him or I hope this lasts forever. Claire had entertained both of those thoughts during the walk home from Daniel’s apartment, but somewhere between the corner bakery and her front door, a third thought had slipped in behind them. What’s wrong with him?
Daniel had remembered her coffee order after one date. He had met her friends and somehow managed to make each of them feel interesting. He had asked Claire’s mother questions about her garden and listened to the answers. He volunteered at an animal shelter twice a month. He returned shopping carts. He sent handwritten birthday cards. He never once checked his phone while she was talking.
He was handsome, but not in the intimidating way Claire had always associated with handsome men. Daniel was the kind of handsome that grew on you. Dark hair that was always slightly untidy. Warm brown eyes. A crooked smile that appeared whenever he was trying not to laugh. He was successful without being arrogant. Confident without being controlling. Funny without making anyone else the punchline. And he liked Claire, really liked her. That, more than anything, made her suspicious.
Claire had spent most of her adult life believing that happiness came with a hidden invoice. She had watched her parents fall in love and then slowly become strangers. She had dated men who were charming until they got comfortable, attentive until they got bored, devoted until someone else caught their attention. Daniel didn’t seem to have an expiration date.
Three months into their relationship, Claire’s best friend, Maya, found her staring at Daniel across a restaurant.
“You look like you’re trying to solve a murder,” Maya said.
Claire blinked. “I’m not.”
“You absolutely are.”
“I’m just thinking.”
“That’s never good.”
Claire looked back at Daniel. He was talking to Maya’s husband, Chris, about a hiking trail they’d both apparently visited. Daniel was animated, gesturing with his hands. Every so often, he glanced toward Claire. Not checking on her, just looking at her. Like he couldn’t help himself.
“I think there’s something wrong with him,” Claire said.
Maya followed her gaze. “He’s allergic to shellfish.”
“No, I mean something serious.”
“He’s secretly a serial killer.”
“Exactly.”
Maya stared at her. Claire sighed. “I’m kidding.”
“Are you?”
Claire smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Daniel returned to the table with a fresh glass of water for Claire.
“You were out,” he said.
“I was.”
“I know you like lemon.”
He had put two slices in it. Claire stared at the glass. Daniel noticed.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Okay.”
He sat down. Claire smiled at him. But something inside her had begun to scratch.
The investigation started as a joke. At least, that’s what Claire told herself. It was six months into the relationship when she brought Daniel up during girls’ night. The four of them were sitting around Maya’s kitchen table with half-empty wineglasses and a bowl of popcorn nobody had touched.
“So,” Maya said, “how’s Prince Charming?”
“Annoyingly wonderful.”
“Damn. Still?”
“Still.”
Rachel raised an eyebrow. “It’s been six months, right? That’s a long time to be wonderful.”
“Thank you.”
“I wasn’t complimenting him.”
Claire laughed. Then Rachel asked, “Do you ever think he’s hiding something?”
The laughter stopped. Maya leaned forward.
“Okay,” she said. “Define hiding something.”
“I don’t know.”
“Then what are we talking about?”
“There’s no flaw.”
Rachel frowned. “Everyone has flaws.”
“Exactly.”
“So what’s his?”
“I don’t know.”
“Come on Claire.”
“I’m serious.”
Maya exchanged a look with Rachel.
“Has he ever lied to you?” Rachel asked.
“No.”
“Cheated?”
“No.”
“Been cruel?”
“No.”
“Made you feel unsafe?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Claire stared at her wine. “He’s too good.”
Rachel groaned. “Oh, for God’s sake.”
“That’s not a thing,” Maya said.
“It is.”
“No, it’s not.”
Claire looked up. “I’ve never been with someone like him.”
“That’s a good thing.”
“What if it’s not?”
The silence that followed was almost deafening. Then Rachel leaned back.
“Fine.”
Claire blinked. “Fine what?”
“You want to find something wrong with him? Let’s find something wrong with him.”
Maya stared at her. Rachel grinned.
“Operation Fatal Flaw.”
They found nothing. That was an even bigger problem than if they did. Daniel had grown up in a small town in Oregon. His parents were both alive and still married. His mother taught elementary school. His father had retired from the postal service. He had an older sister who lived in Colorado. He had gone to college in Washington. He had worked at a bookstore. Then a nonprofit. Now, a consulting firm. There were photographs. Old friends. Former coworkers. A college roommate who still occasionally tagged him in embarrassing pictures. There were no suspicious gaps. No secret marriages. No criminal records. No hidden children. No mysterious ex-girlfriends willing to whisper ominous warnings into Claire’s ear. He had no history of violence. No addiction. No gambling problem. No strange online presence. His social media was almost offensively boring.
Daniel had apparently spent his twenties going to weddings, hiking, reading books, attending birthday parties, and occasionally taking photographs of food.
“He doesn’t even have a weird tattoo,” Rachel complained.
“He has one,” Maya said.
“What?”
“On his shoulder.”
Claire’s heart jumped. “What is it?”
“A cross.”
Claire stared. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.”
Rachel threw a popcorn kernel at her. “This man is a disappointment.”
Claire laughed, but she didn’t feel relieved. She actually felt worse. Because if there was nothing to find, then perhaps the flaw wasn’t in Daniel. Perhaps it was in her.
At first, the suspicion was harmless. Then it became a habit. Claire started noticing things. Daniel occasionally turned his phone face down, but why? He traveled for work sometimes, but why? He was vague about certain meetings, but why? He had friends Claire had never met, but why? He sometimes woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t fall back asleep, but why? Every question had an answer. And every answer created another question.
When Daniel went away for a weekend conference, Claire asked him to send her a picture. He did. She zoomed in. There was a hotel sign behind him. She searched the hotel. She searched the conference. She searched the company sponsoring it. She searched the names of the speakers. She spent two hours doing it.
When Daniel came home, he hugged her.
“I missed you.”
Claire hugged him back. “Did you?”
He pulled away. “What does that mean?”
“Nothing.”
“Claire.”
She hated the way he said her name then. Not angrily. Worriedly. As if he could feel her slipping away from him and didn’t know how to reach her.
“I’m just tired,” she said.
Daniel nodded. But the next morning, he asked her if she was happy. The question terrified her.
“Of course I am.”
“Are you?”
“Yes.”
“Because lately—”
“Lately what?”
He stopped. “Nothing.”
“No. Say it.”
Daniel looked at her. “Lately, I feel like you’re waiting for me to disappoint you.”
Claire went still. “That’s ridiculous.”
“I hope so.”
“Do you think I’m crazy?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You think I’m paranoid.”
“I think you’re afraid.”
The words hit harder than an accusation. Claire stood up. “Maybe I should be.”
Daniel’s face changed. It was the first time Claire had ever seen genuine hurt in his eyes. And she hated herself for causing it. But instead of apologizing, she said the thing that would haunt her for years.
“Maybe I just haven’t found out who you really are yet.”
Daniel stared at her. Then he nodded slowly. “I see.”
“Daniel—”
“No.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“I think you did.”
They lasted another four months, then Daniel ended it. There was no dramatic fight. No slammed doors. No accusations. He simply sat across from Claire in the apartment they had been sharing for nearly a year and looked exhausted.
“I love you,” he said. Claire’s heart tightened. “But I can’t do this anymore.”
She swallowed. “Do what?”
“Prove I’m innocent.”
She looked away. Daniel’s voice softened.
“Every day, I wake up wondering what I did wrong. What I forgot to tell you. What harmless thing I said that you’re going to turn into evidence.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I know.”
“Then don’t say it.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
“Then don’t.”
He closed his eyes. For a moment, Claire thought he might change his mind. Instead, he whispered, “You don’t trust me.”
Claire had no answer. Daniel stood.
“I hope someday you meet someone who makes you feel safe.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “You were supposed to be that person.”
He looked at her. “I tried.”
Then he walked out.
Claire became very good at pretending she was fine. She went to work. She saw her friends. She moved into a smaller apartment. She dated twice. Neither relationship lasted more than a few weeks. And slowly, painfully, Claire began to understand what Daniel had meant. She hadn’t been looking for proof that he was bad. She had been looking for proof that she was safe. And she had never learned the difference.
Two years passed. Then one rainy afternoon, Claire walked into a bookstore and saw Daniel. He was standing in the nonfiction section with a book in his hand. For several seconds, neither of them moved. Then he smiled. It was the same crooked smile, the one she remembered. The one she had fallen in love with.
“Hi, Claire.”
Her throat tightened. “Hi.”
They talked for twenty minutes. About work. About mutual friends. About nothing. And somehow, about everything.
Finally, Daniel asked, “How are you?”
Claire almost lied. Instead, she said, “Better.”
He nodded. “Good.”
“Daniel?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
His expression changed. Claire felt tears coming. “I was wrong.”
He didn’t say anything.
“I thought you were hiding something. I thought there had to be some terrible secret. I convinced myself that if I looked hard enough, I’d find it.”
“Claire—”
“No. Let me finish.” He did.
“I made my friends investigate you. I searched through your life. I questioned everything. And when I couldn’t find anything, I just decided that meant you were better at hiding it than I thought. I hurt you.”
Daniel looked down. “Yes.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t trust you because I was afraid that one day you’d stop loving me.”
He looked back at her. “And if I did?”
Claire’s eyes filled. “I wanted to find out before it happened.”
Daniel was quiet for a long time. Then he said, “You could have just told me you were scared.”
“I know.”
“Would you have believed me if I told you everything was fine?”
Claire laughed through her tears. “Probably not.”
He smiled. “At least you’re honest.”
She wiped her eyes. “I don’t expect you to forgive me.”
Daniel studied her. Then he sighed. “I already did.”
Claire stared at him. “Why?”
“Because I loved you.”
“Is that loved, as in past tense?”
He smiled faintly. “I didn’t say that.”
They didn’t rush back into a relationship. That was the difference. They started with coffee. Then dinner. Then long walks. Claire learned to speak when she was afraid instead of investigating when she was afraid. Daniel learned that reassurance wasn’t the same thing as surrender. They fought. They apologized. They grew. And eventually, one evening beneath a sky turning gold, Daniel took Claire’s hand.
“Do you trust me now?”
Claire looked at him. “Yes.”
“Completely?”
She smiled. “No.”
Daniel raised an eyebrow. “That’s romantic.”
“I trust you enough to know that you’re real human, not some fantastic machine sent from the future to haunt me.”
He laughed.
“And I trust myself enough to know that if something goes wrong, I won’t have to destroy the present trying to predict the future.”
Daniel squeezed her hand. “That’s better.”
Years passed.They got engaged on a beach in Maine. They bought a house. They adopted a dog that destroyed three pairs of Daniel’s shoes. They became the couple their friends teased for being disgustingly happy. And eventually, on a warm Saturday in June, Claire Bennett walked down the aisle. Daniel stood waiting for her. He looked nervous. She smiled. For once, she didn’t wonder why. She simply loved him. They said their vows. They exchanged rings. They kissed. Everyone applauded.
Later, after the photographs and champagne and dancing, Claire and Daniel slipped away from the reception for a few minutes. They stood alone beneath a string of lights behind the old stone venue. Claire leaned against him.
“I’m your wife,” she whispered.
Daniel kissed her forehead. “You’re my wife.”
She smiled. Then she noticed he wasn’t smiling.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Claire froze. Daniel immediately laughed. “Sorry.”
“Don’t do that.”
“I’m sorry.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Daniel.”
He took a breath. Then another. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Claire’s heart began to beat faster. For one ridiculous second, the old Claire returned. The suspicious Claire. The amateur investigator. The woman who had spent hours searching for the fatal flaw. She looked into her husband’s eyes.
“Okay.”
Daniel reached into his jacket. Claire stared. He pulled out a small black wallet. Then he opened it. Inside was an identification card. Not a driver’s license. Not a passport. Something else. Something official. Something Claire didn’t recognize. She looked at him.
“What’s that?”
Daniel’s face was very serious now. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you.”
Claire’s stomach tightened. “Tell me what?”
He looked around the empty courtyard. Then back at her. “I’m a spy.”
Claire stared. The music from the reception drifted faintly through the open doors behind them. Someone laughed. A glass shattered. Claire looked at the card again. Then at Daniel.
“You’re…”
“A spy.”
She waited. He waited. Finally, Claire said, “A real spy?”
Daniel nodded.
“Like… espionage? Like you’re James Bond or some shit”
“Yes, kinda.”
“International?”
“Sometimes.”
“Government?”
“Technically.”
Claire’s mouth opened. Then closed. Daniel took a cautious step toward her. “Claire—”
She held up a hand. “No.”
He stopped. She stared at him. Then she started laughing. Daniel’s expression fell. “What’s funny?”
“You’re kidding.”
“I’m not.”
“You can’t be fucking serious.”
“Umm, I am.”
Claire laughed harder. Daniel looked genuinely offended. “Claire.”
She wiped tears from her eyes. “Do you know what I did when we first started dating?”
“Yes.”
“No, you don’t.”
“I do.”
“I investigated you.”
Daniel blinked. “Wait. You what?”
“I investigated you.”
He stared at her.
“With my friends.”
“Your friends?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I thought you were too good to be true.”
Daniel’s jaw dropped. Claire pointed at him. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m a spy.”
“I know!”
“And you investigated me.”
“Yes!”
“And you found nothing.”
“Nothing!”
Daniel suddenly began laughing. Claire started laughing too. They stood there, newly married, laughing at the absurdity of their entire relationship. Then Daniel wiped his eyes. “Claire.”
“What?”
“You know what this means, right?”
She stopped laughing. “What?”
He leaned closer. “You were right.”
Her smile vanished. “About what?”
“I was hiding something.”
Claire stared at him. For a moment, neither of them spoke. Then she punched him lightly in the shoulder. “You son of a bitch.”
Daniel laughed. “Ow.”
“You let me think I was crazy!”
“I never said you were crazy.”
“But you never told me I wasn’t! You knew what was going on in my head!”
“I couldn’t tell you.”
“You could have told me you had a secret!”
“That would have defeated the purpose of the secret.”
Claire folded her arms. Daniel’s smile faded. “You’re angry.”
“Yes.”
“Fair.”
She looked at him. “How long?”
Daniel hesitated. “Since long before we met. I got recruited right out of college.”
Claire’s expression softened despite herself. “Did you ever lie to me?”
Daniel considered the question. Then he shook his head. “Not about us.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one I can give you.”
Claire stared at him. The old fear stirred. But it was different now. It didn’t control her. She took his hand. “Okay.”
Daniel looked surprised. “Okay?”
“Okay.”
“You believe me?”
Claire smiled. “No.”
Daniel’s eyebrows rose. She squeezed his hand. “But I trust you.”
He smiled. And for the first time in her life, Claire understood something she’d spent years trying to discover. The fatal flaw she’d been searching for had never been hidden inside Daniel. It had been hidden inside the belief that love was only safe if you could prove it would never hurt you. Daniel kissed her. Then he whispered, “There’s one more thing.”
Claire pulled away. “Absolutely not.”
He laughed. “I’m kidding.”
She narrowed her eyes. “Daniel.”
“I’m kidding. Swear to God.”
“You’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”
“We’re on our honeymoon.”
“Then enjoy the couch.”
He grinned. Claire shook her head. Her husband was a spy. An actual spy. And somehow, impossibly, she knew she had never trusted anyone more.