Ladies… A Must-Read Just For Y’all…

I was recently asked why I post so many entries that seemed to be aimed at women. Well… I have a lot of female friends, both on this website and in real life and I’m not a huge fan of seeing anybody I’m friends with be hurt. So I try to give honest advice from a man’s perspective. Hopefully it helps. With that being said, here’s some more “Pearls of Wisdom”

1. All men are NOT dogs. Don’t judge us by our worst specimens.
2. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
3. Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
4. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
5. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. Don’t stay because you think it will get better. You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
8. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.
9. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
10. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
12. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then HELL no, you can’t be friends. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
13. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
14. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
15. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
16. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
17. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
18. You should not be the one doing all the bending, compromise is a two-way street.
19. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage, deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
20. Dating is fun. Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right, there’s nothing wrong with Mr. Right Now.
21. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are, even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
22. Never let a man define who you are.
23. Never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Love (Revisited)

After reading through my entries, I came across a subject that I really wanted to touch on again. And since most of us just celebrated Valentine’s Day, I figured this was the best time to do so.

6 months removed from discussing this very same topic, I’ve noticed that my views haven’t changed much. I still feel like love is the most enigmatic force on Earth. I still feel that love gets a bad rap in certain situations, but the major difference between my thinking now and then might be that I find myself craving that type of connection more now than ever before. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m developing feelings for a certain individual or if its something else. Some might think that its just my biological clock ticking (yes! Men have a biological clock, too) but I’m more than sure its not. I’m just reaching the age when I think that people should be settling down and starting a family. And if it was just a chemical reaction to parameters that have been “established” by society, I would’ve been married with kids by now and those that know my history know what kind of disaster that would be! I really believe that its a combination of the two. I’m at an age that beginning a family is the next great adventure in life and I think I might have found somebody that I would love to that with. But, what do I know, right?

He’s The One! (A Must-Read For All Women)

Ladies, please read this for yourselves, as I have and pass it to all the women that you know who are in relationships, marriages or not. This is so deep and is speaking on some real stuff. READ IT ALL! I didn’t write it but I truly enjoyed the read. I think you will, too!

***THE RIGHT ONE***
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. “What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third?” you ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.

Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God?

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.

You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again, WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments – including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Our prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
God I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should’ve been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus name. Amen.

Ladies, this is something you should definitely share with a friend, whether you are single or married. It is something to think about, When you ask is “He” the one!

Who Wants Me?

I’m the guy who will text you every single morning to say good morning and every single night to say sweet dreams.
I’m the guy who will hold you when you’re crying and wipe away your tears.
I’m the guy who still thinks you’re beautiful with no makeup on, wearing sweats and a big t-shirt.
I’m the guy who won’t pressure you to do things you don’t want to do.
I’m the guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren’t feeling well.
I’m the guy who kisses you on the forehead.
I’m the guy who’ll randomly tickle you just to hear you giggle.
I’m the guy who doesn’t kiss and tell.
I’m the guy who actually listens to you when you talk.
I’m the guy who’s excited all day because I’m looking forward to our date that night.
I’m the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more.
I’m the guy who can’t help but smile when you walk into the room.
I’m the guy who’ll say “I love you” first because I’m not afraid to say it.
I’m the guy who’s perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling.
I’m the guy who won’t lie to you about where he’s going or where he’s been or who he’s been with.
I’m the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name.
I’m the guy who’s not afraid to tell his friends he loves you.
I’m the guy who doesn’t mess with other girls when I have you.
I’m the guy who doesn’t care about your imperfections and loves you more for them.
I’m the guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset.
I’M THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!
I am this guy. So the question is… Who wants me?

Today’s Reflection – 2/13/11

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “How can he be reflecting on a day that has barely started?” Well, I have had an eventful and (reasonably) blogworthy morning, so I decided to share. Actually, I’m not gonna share what happened this morning (because it is a bit embarrassing) but I want to share what’s on my mind as a result of this morning’s events.

Like usual, I woke up at 6am. I’m still trying to figure out why I get up that early. I haven’t had a reason to do so in almost 12 years! As I stated above, my morning got off to a quick and crazy start. Once all the insanity had died down, I was left staring at a decision that I have never fully explained. Here is that explanation…

I have been asked by several people on multiple occasions why I decided to move to Atlanta, GA when the vast majority of my family still resides in Missouri. The topic of my relocation has always been a sensitive subject for me and usually leads to me deflecting with humor or flat out changing the subject. But today, I was asked by a person that I couldn’t easily dodge, myself. I know you’re probably saying, “Why ask yourself something that you already know the answer to?” but its not that easy. Nothing usually is when it comes to me. As I said before, I tend to find ways to deflect seriously and honestly answering questions about my decision to live in Atlanta, and I’m especially horrible about doing that to myself. I have been known to flat out lie to myself about why I did it. So this dissertation about the reasons that led to my exodus from the midwest is not just for everyone else’s benefit, but my own as well.

First and foremost, there’s the “Elephant in the Room” when it comes to this topic, my father’s death. Most people don’t understand why my father’s passing has affected me in such a way. The reason for that is because you would need an understanding of our relationship in order to even attempt to grasp how him dying impacted me. I’ll try my best to explain it. Willis Jerry Coleman was the one constant in my life from age 6 until he died in 2007 (that’s almost 21 years for those don’t wanna do the math). My father was the one person in my life that pretty much place any tag, label or title on and it would make perfect sense. He was my best friend and my worst enemy at times. He was the one person I loved more than myself but also the one person that I couldn’t stand to be around. We finished each other’s sentences and could sense when the other one wasn’t feeling well. To make a long story short, we were connected to each other in a way that is rare. Hell, I sometimes think that being that intertwined with another person is unhealthy. So naturally, when you lose someone that has meant (and still means) so much to you for so long, you’re bound to want to remove yourself from anything that has the potential to remind you of that person. The closest thing I can compare my feelings to is someone that loses their spouse or significant other after a lengthy marriage, and even that isn’t a fair comparison because a widow/widower has some semblence of a life without their loved one. I didn’t. My dad was there for EVERYTHING. Just about every memory of every major event in my life up until his death includes him.

Secondly and just as monumental, is my relationship with my family. Actually, I think a better way of saying that is my lack of a relationship with my family. Let me explain that for you. For as much as I love the members of my family, I’m not especially close to any of them. I can actually count on my hands the number of family members that I communicate with, and none of that communication occurs on a regular basis. There are reasons for the rift between me and my family, but it seems like no one is willing to admit fault. So I guess I will. I went to live with my father in 1985. For reasons that have yet to be explained to me, the relationship between myself and my mother became estranged. And to this day, we have never really sat down to try and repair that and that really bothers me as I’m looking to move into the next stage of life, which is marriage and parenthood. My father and I moved from Kansas City, MO to Denver, CO in the fall of 1993. Over the course of the next 3+ years, I only went back to visit my family a couple of times. In 1996, we moved to St. Louis, MO. You would think that my visits would be more frequent since I was mch closer. That’s not really the case. In the summer of 1998, my father and I had a falling out. I don’t really recall what it was about nor do I think I want to try, but the end result of this friction was him sending me to live with my mother. Naturally, the idea of going to live with my mother was not well recieved by me. This was a woman that I had not lived with in over 10 years and had barely spoken to over that period of time. But what say so did I have, right? Upon arriving at my mother’s house, the self-destructive behavior that had landed me there quickly escalated, thanks in small part to her boyfriend at the time. Add that to my rapidly growing feelings of hatred I had for her newborn baby, we all know where that lead. I was back in St. Louis within a month. That experience spurred me to further detach from my family and entrench myself in the loner/nomad lifestyle that me and my father had been cultivating for the better part of the decade. In 1999, we once again relocated to Indianapolis, IN and that is when I lost all communication with my family. Most peopler would have some feelings about that, I barely even noticed. When I would take vacations and trips to go visit loved ones, I never even thought about Kansas City. It was as if the time I spent living in that city no longer existed, as well as anybody connected to it. In the summer of 2001, my father was diagnosed with luekemia. This once again served as a catalyst for me to push everyone out of my life draw closer to my dad. In the summer of 2002, I relocated to Atlanta, GA to rejoin my father who had moved to the city in the preceding winter/spring. Once I was in ATL, I realized how lonely my life was. I was missing that connection to people that were tied to me by blood. But, because I had spent the better part of the last 9 years distancing myself from my family, I had no way to get in contact with them. God intervened in 2005, when he touched the hearts of 2 of my cousins and made them go about the process of searching for me. But I guess, that was too little, too late. The damage was already done. So when the time came for me to decide where my life would take me after the death of my father, my family didn’t seem like a viable choice. I did attempt to reconnect with my family immediately following my father’s death, but I think there was too much emotional baggage in my life for that to be successful at the time.

The third reason that led me to flee to the Peach State is so cliche, but it is still relevant. My relationship with a certain young lady at the time had left a horrible taste in my mouth, and because St. Louis is so small, I felt the best thing I could do for my sanity was to flee. Also, my (other) best friend was going through a bit of a tumultous time in her life and it hurt my spirit that I wasn’t there for her. There are several other factors that led to my decision to move back to Atlanta, but those are the ones that had the most influence.

So here I am, standing at another fork in the road and I’m not sure which way I want to go. On one side, I have the city of Atlanta which, for the most part, has embraced me. I’ve started to write a book of poetry, I’m working on music, I’m (somewhat) on the road to opening my own business. But, I am currently struggling to stay afloat. On the other, I have the place of my birth and the uncertainty of returning there presents me with. While, the majority of my family is there, I’m not sure who I could go to in my time of need. I liken my situation to what LeBron James went through this summer with his whole “The Decision” fiasco. It seems like whichever path I choose, someone or something is gonna suffer. But unlike LeBron, I’m not leaving a NBA franchise and a city full of fans in my wake, I’m leaving dreams, aspirations and loved ones to pick up the pieces and move on…

Today’s Reflection – 2/11/11

So far, today has been one hell of a day. First, I woke up long before the sun came up. This is nothing new for me, nor is it unusual. But what stood out about this morning is that I couldn’t physically get out of the bed. Literally, all I could do was lay there and watch TV. Its a good thing there are some decent TV viewing choices between 5 & 9am (then there’s always the old reliable Sportscenter). That kind of bothered me, but I figured it was nothing serious. Boy, was I wrong. That was just a precursor for the rest of my morning…

Once I was able to drag my bones from under the sheets, I tried to go about my usual morning of sitting down and write something so I can continue to work towards completing my first (and possibly only) volume of poetry. But, I just couldn’t get myself into the mood to write. That’s wierd to hear from someone that considers themselves to be a writer. The one thing in my life that I have an absolute and unwavering passion about, I just didn’t want to do it. Once I gave up on attempting to write, I looked at a calendar. That had to be the worst thing I could do. Once I saw what today’s date was, I immediately realized that I have been unemployed for a year! Anybody that knows me knows how uncomfortable I am with my current situation, but I’ve come to grips with the fact that it seems like there’s nothing I can do to change it. Instantly, my fragile mood shattered. I fell into dark, depressing mood. I thought about causing myself some serious bodily harm. Hell, to be honest, I’m still in the same mood but I’m felling a little better about myself. Now, before anybody breaks out bible verses or armchair pychiatry degrees, let me admit that I have been diagnosed with depression. Most people that have been diagnosed with depression choose to take mood stabilizers, I choose not to. The reason behind that is because I don’t want to spend my life relying on a pill to keep me from being sad. Secondly, I’ve heard that while those medications keep you from getting too sad, they also keep you from getting too happy. I have a lot of exciting and potentially happy things left to do with my life and I refuse to not be able to show the correct emotion because of some pill I take! That just sounds dumb! Also, have you seen the commercials for those medications? How is suicidal thoughts a side effect for a pill that is supposed to help fight depression? Why waste my money on something that can happen organically? Where they do that bulls**t at?! But back to my topic…

So there I was, down in the dumps, completely depressed and ready to give up (and when I say give up, I really mean give up!) but the most beautiful thing happened. Something (I’m gonna give the credit to God because I know it doesn’t belong to me) made post how I was feeling on Facebook. I know what you’re thinking, “That’s not a big deal, everybody does that.” This is true. On a daily basis, I come across at least one of my friends reaching out, trying to share what’s really going on in their life instead of continuing to pollute the internet with mindless dribble. But what this so special to me was the outpour of concerned and inspiratioanl comments I got. Mind you, these comments were only submitted by a handful (literally 6) of people, but they went so far out of their way to make sure that tried to lift my spirit. And I don’t know how to say thank you for that but I’ll spend the rest of my life looking for a way.

I know this isn’t earth shaking to most people, but it is to me. I’m a person that doesn’t believe in letting just anyone into my world and the majority of people that have found their way into my life still aren’t privy to my most private of thoughts. I’m trying to change that though, this blog is evidence of that. What makes the events of this morning so huge and thus blog-worthy to me is the group of people that felt compelled to reach out. If I had to pick six people that I thought would go out of their way to try and cheer me up this morning, I would have been wrong about all but 2, maybe 3. That’s huge! That means there were 3 or 4 people who just so happen to be on Facebook this morning, saw my status and felt compelled to say something to me! That speaks volumes about the goodness and love that naturally lies within all of us. So why can’t we tap into that all the time? Why do we choose to either ignore or mistreat each other? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we cared about our fellow man in a fraction of the way that those 6 people did for me this morning? That’s all I got for right now. But, thanks to 6 angels, I’ll be here to share more with you later. Peace and love…

The Meaning of Rose Colors…

Fellas (and ladies), we are less than a week away from Valentine’s Day and some of us (if not most) have yet to find a gift for that special person in our lives. While I can’t tell you what to get for him/her, I can give you something to think about if you’re considering going with the always reliable bouquet of roses. Below you’ll find the meaning behind different colors of roses. Be sure to choose wisely, you would hate to send the wrong message…

Red: Love and Romance
The Red Rose not only carries more meaning than many other color roses, it is also one of the most universal of all symbols. The long, storied history of the red rose has lent it a wealth of significance. Red roses have been represented in countless works of art, from classical paintings and poetry to modern day music and media. They have appeared throughout history and across many cultures as political and religious symbols. The mystique of the red rose has been a source of immeasurable inspiration for many throughout the ages. However, it is as the symbol for love that the red rose is most commonly recognized.

Red roses, as we think of them today, are the traditional symbol for love and romance. The modern red rose we are now familiar with was introduced to Europe from China in the 1800’s. However, the meanings associated with them can be traced back many centuries, even to some of the earliest societies. The color red itself evolved from an early primal symbol for life into a metaphor for deep emotion. In Greek and Roman mythology the red rose was closely tied to the goddess of love. Many early cultures used red roses to decorate marriage ceremonies and they were often a part of traditional wedding attire. Through this practice, the red rose became known as a symbol for love and fidelity. As the tradition of exchanging roses and other flowers as gifts of affection came into prevalence, the red rose naturally became the flower of choice for sending the strongest message of love. This is a tradition that has endured to the present day.

Red roses continue to be the most popular way to say “I love you” to someone special. The rich heritage of the red rose has culminated in its modern day image as the lover’s rose. They are the definitive symbol for romantic sentiments, representing true love, stronger than thorns. Red roses are a meaningful gift, perfect for expressing feelings for a loved one on Valentine’s Day, an anniversary or simply “just because.” For the budding relationship, a red rose bouquet can also signal the beginning of romantic intentions. They can send a message of commitment and an invitation to take the next step. Even the simplicity of a single red rose can elicit a powerful response. Whatever the occasion, red roses have an allure that is hard to resist!

Pink: Love, Gratitude or Appreciation
Pink roses have a rich history that comes with being one of the longest existing roses known to us – in fact, pink roses have even been depicted in some of the earliest known pieces of art. When roses first began to be cultivated, the majority of them existed in various shades of pink, from the palest pink to the deepest crimson. Prior to that, pink roses were the dominant species among wild roses, and were likely among the earliest roses to evolve.

In time, discoveries of new rose species and the development of modern hybridization techniques would introduce many new colors of roses. Also introduced at this time were roses with the ability to bloom repeatedly throughout the year. This was a significant development, as earlier garden roses would typically only bloom once a year. As more colors and types of roses entered the palette, each began to take on their own meanings. So too, did the meaning of the pink rose become more refined.

Above all, roses are a symbol for love and gratitude. As the pink rose was the most prevalent among the old garden roses, it was most strongly associated with these sentiments. While different roses may have more specific meanings, these are still the underlying message of any color rose. Pink roses also now carry a connotation of grace and elegance, as well as sweetness and poetic romance. Different shades of pink also carry their own significance. Dark pink roses are symbolic of gratitude and appreciation, and are a traditional way to send a message of thanks. Light pink roses are associated with gentleness and admiration, and can also be used as an expression of sympathy.

With the many ways in which they can be used to express a range of meanings, pink roses continue to maintain their popularity. The beautiful appearance and fragrance so strongly associated with roses in general, as well as their symbolic importance, can be traced back to the pink rose. While much has changed over the years, pink roses have consistently held their place of prominence in the world of flowers. Today, pink roses enjoy their own unique position representing elegance and refinement, as well as communicating thanks and admiration. The recipient of an arrangement of pink roses is sure to feel appreciated and special.

Yellow: Friendship, Joy or “Get Well”
Yellow roses have a shorter, albeit no less fascinating, history than other roses. It wasn’t until around the 18th century that yellow roses were discovered growing naturally in parts of the Middle East. Prior to this, roses in cultivation predominantly existed in various shades of pink and to a lesser extent, white. However, once the first yellow roses were introduced, their popularity quickly spread.

During roughly this same time period, new rose cross-breeding and hybridization techniques were being innovated. These experiments would play an important role in the evolution of the yellow rose. One of the more compelling attributes of most roses is their sweet smelling fragrance. This was a trait that the first yellow roses did not share, and in fact, quite the opposite was true! In time however, as breeding and cultivation methods were refined, hybridizers were able to gradually phase in the more pleasing aroma that rose-lovers are accustomed to.

Also changed over the years were the meanings related to yellow roses. Throughout history, the color yellow has been closely associated with the sun. As the source of light and warmth, the sun is integral to life on Earth, and has been worshiped in many early societies. It should come as no surprise that the color of the sun would hold many positive connotations. In many Eastern cultures, for example, the color yellow represents joy, wisdom and power. However, in Europe at the time of the introduction of these roses, the color yellow carried much more negative overtones. Consequently, yellow roses were long used as a symbol for jealousy and dying love. As time went on, however, the more universal meanings connected with the color yellow have come to prevail and entwine themselves with the yellow rose. Today yellow roses are more commonly associated with joy and friendship.

A bouquet of yellow roses now brings to mind all of the sunny, cheerful feelings of warmth and happiness. In contrast to the romantic meanings attributed to other roses, the yellow rose is purely a symbol for friendship. This gives it a unique place in the pantheon of roses. Yellow roses can send the perfect message of appreciation and platonic love without the romantic subtext of other colors. They can represent feelings of joy and delight, and are an ideal way to brighten someone’s day who may be feeling down. There is perhaps no other flower that is able to bring out a smile in quite the way that a yellow rose can.

White: Purity, Innocence, Sympathy or Spirituality
With its pristine appearance, the white rose has come to symbolize purity, innocence and secrecy. There are myths and legends from several different cultures relating to the origin of the first rose which is initially white in color and is then miraculously transformed. Oftentimes the pure white rose was depicted as being stained by blood, or made to blush from a kiss. The recurrence of this theme does a great deal to establish the white rose as a symbol for purity.

Early traditions also used white roses as a symbol for true love, an association which would later become the hallmark of the red roses. However, white roses continue to endure and retain their symbolism of innocence. White roses are now used to express a number of different sentiments.

Also known as the bridal rose, the white rose is a traditional wedding flower. In this sense, they are a representation of unity, virtue, and the pureness of a new bond of love. White roses are also a symbol for young love, which further strengthens the association, and makes them ideal for marriages. Bridal bouquets are often comprised of white roses and other white flowers.

White roses are also associated with honor and reverence, which makes them a fitting memorial for a departed loved one. Funeral and sympathy arrangements traditionally incorporate white roses as a part of the tribute. As a symbol of remembrance, the white rose represents heavenliness and is an expression of spiritual love and respect.

While most of the long-established meanings of white roses are still quite commonly used today, others have become less prevalent. White rosebuds, for example, are a traditional symbol for girlhood and carry an underlying message of one too young for love. While perhaps no longer falling into the realm of common knowledge, this is still very much a part of the language of roses.

White roses can mean many things to many different people. They can symbolize new beginnings, or be a sign of farewell. They can convey feelings of love, friendship, respect and hope. Underlying all of these messages is the impression of innocence and purity with which white roses are now synonymous. An arrangement of white roses is not only beautiful; it can carry a complexity that belies its simpler appearance. Whatever the reason white roses are given, it can be assured that they will be deeply appreciated by their recipient.

Orange: Desire, Enthusiasm or Passion
Orange roses have emerged as one of the true stand-outs among today’s popular rose varieties. The fiery color of an orange rose immediately conjures up passionate thoughts of romance. They can also be reminiscent of the warmth of a glowing sunset, or the sweetness of citrus. Orange roses come in a range of shades, from bright orange to softer coral and peach colors. Since the introduction of the orange rose into the world of roses, they have quickly found their place in the hearts and imaginations of rose aficionados everywhere.

Near the turn of the 20th century, rose cultivators began to produce orange roses, thanks to the recent discovery of wild yellow roses, and the spread of advanced hybridization techniques. As these early experiments to produce orange roses yielded positive results, rose enthusiasts found themselves with a new layer to add to the increasingly rich tapestry of rose meanings.

The orange rose has mainly come to be regarded as the symbol for desire, enthusiasm and passion. Being a literal mixture of the colors yellow and red, orange roses were often seen as a bridge between the feelings of friendship symbolized by yellow roses, and love associated with red roses. Giving a bouquet of orange roses could be a sign of emerging romantic feelings and the desire to move a relationship beyond the stage of friendship. In addition, they can be an expression of fascination, or a gift to say “I’m proud of you.” Orange roses have also become popular as a Halloween flower.

The association of orange roses with romantic expressions is fitting, considering the obvious connection between the color of fire and the metaphors we associate with it. The orange rose has become the perfect way to symbolize the heat of passion, burning desire and the flames of love. Orange roses have a power to send a message of romance that can rival even the red rose!

In the relatively short time the orange roses have been on the scene, they have had quite an impact. From those who simply enjoy the warming color, to those who wish to convey that special meaning, the orange rose has become a mainstay in the family of roses. They can have the soft radiance of an autumn sunset which warms and soothes the spirit. At the same time, orange roses can have an intensity that can consume hearts and souls, much like the fire that we associate them with. Whatever their purpose, a bouquet of orange roses is sure to heat things up!

Lavender: Enchantment, Majesty or Love at First Sight
One of the rarest and most visually stunning rose colors is lavender. The eye-catching shades of light purple have made the lavender rose a wildly popular alternative for romantic occasions, as well as an everyday favorite for all who enjoy its distinctive appearance. A bouquet of lavender roses can definitely make a striking impression. In addition, there are many time-honored meanings traditionally associated with them. Few other flowers can match the beauty of these fascinating roses.

Lavender roses have had a captivating allure throughout their long history. There are several lavender rose varieties in cultivation, ranging from the Old Garden varieties to more modern rose hybrids. Lavender rose species include miniature rose bushes as well as larger single bloom flowers. It is the longer stemmed variation that has become the most popular for floral arrangements, and which often carries the most symbolic significance.

As with other roses, lavender roses have their own special meanings which have evolved over the years of their existence. The lavender rose is often a sign of enchantment and love at first sight. Those who have been enraptured by feelings of love and adoration have used lavender roses to express their romantic feelings and intentions. The color purple also has a traditional association with royalty. In this regard, shades of lavender roses can suggest an air of regal majesty and splendor.

Lavender roses also share some of the symbolism of the fabled blue rose. Because blue roses do not occur naturally, they have come to represent the mysterious and unattainable. The goal of discovering the first blue rose has ignited many imaginations. While the quest for truly blue roses continues, many of the meanings associated with them have become tied to its nearest existing relative, the lavender rose. Thus, lavender roses can also represent wonder and impossibility, with a sense of the magical.

As a way to express our most sincere love and appreciation, the appeal of the lavender rose is undeniable. They can be the perfect choice for those wishing to make an impact with a unique and extraordinary flower. With the wealth of symbolism that they possess, they can also be used to convey any number of deeply meaningful messages. Throughout the history of roses, the lavender rose has stood out as one of the most remarkable and engaging varieties available. Receiving a bouquet of lavender roses can make for an unforgettable experience.

Hopefully, this helps you convey the appropriate message if you decide to send that special person in your life a bouquet of roses. I know it helped me! Now I just gotta decide who I’m sending them to (not really, I just gotta decide where I want her to receive them)….

The Answer…

I know what you’re thinking, “What’s the question?” Well, over the past week, I have been asked if my declaration of love for a certain woman is earnest and heartfelt, and how do I know for sure that I feel this way. Well, the answer to the first part of that question is yes. The answer to the second part is a little more lengthy and can be found below…

First and foremost, there is physical attraction. Anybody who doesn’t believe that physical attraction plays a large part in love needs to go jump off a building. Now. Secondly, she’s the one woman in my life that I become completely tongue-tied around. I feel like a shy schoolboy in her presence most of the times. I know what you’re thinking. If you love or are in love with someone, you should be able to speak to them freely. That might apply to the average person, but not me. I’ve worked diligently over the course of my adult life to be eloquent, articulate, well-spoken or whatever adjective you want to use, but when a woman has my heart, I find myself reverting back that shy little kid I used to be. It truly gets on my nerves but it’s one of the best barometers I have for gauging my feelings for a person. Third, there’s all the “attributes” that I look for in a woman. She’s smart, caring, sensitive and she has a great sense of humor. Also, she dominates my thoughts on a daily basis. I literally have to find something else to occupy my mind in order to stop myself from daydreaming about her. Now, I would love to take credit for coming to this conclusion, but I actually owe my best friend thanks for shining a light onto it and making me think. (Thanks Shay!) Please believe that there are more reasons, but I’m not able to express them in words at this time. But as I’m able to translate my feelings into text, I’ll be sure to come back and amend this entry, so check back from time to time. I’ll holla…

Today’s Reflection – 2/3/11

The day is hardly over but this something that has been on my mind for a while. As I write this, I’m laying in bed watching “500 Days of Summer” and I realized something. I tend to watch a LOT of romantic comedies! I know you were probably expecting me to talk about something else, but it’s what’s on my mind for some reason. If I think about it, I’ve seen more than my fair share of romantic comedies. Now that I think about it, some of my favorite movies are listed under this genre. I thought about listing them, but I’m just not comfortable enough doing that…

I’m sure there has to be a reason why a seemingly normal, heterosexual man thoroughly enjoys watching movies about people falling in love, falling out of love, discovering love, all the while making a fool of themselves. If I had to guess at that reason I would say it’s because I’m truly a romantic at heart. Actually, if I had to label myself I would say that I’m a hopelessly romantic, cynical realist. What that means is that my heart sees the goodness that’s around while my head tends to over-analyze everything and focus on the negativity that surrounds us in our everyday life. This oxymoronic, Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde, contradictory way of looking at the world tends have me spending my days masquerading about as if love is something that I don’t need nor want in my life, but that has got to be the biggest lie I ever have or ever will tell. I spend most of my days literally fighting the urge to write sappy love poetry and even sappier love songs (I figure the world doesn’t need more of either). I’m coming to the point in my life that I think I’m ready to cut off the second half of self-appointed tag and become one of those people that looks at life and only sees the good side of everything. But then again, being that saccharin sweet is definitely for the birds…

Okay, maybe that’s not entirely true. Looking at it realistically, nobody can ever be THAT happy at any time, and no one can be happy ALL the time. It’s just impossible. That’s not to say that people can’t be happy, I’m (reasonably) happy with where my life is. I’m 30 years old, I’ve never been arrested (okay there was that one time but that doesn’t count), I don’t have a bunch of illegitimate children running around and I still have the opportunity to grab the world by the short & curlies and do whatever it is I wanna do with my life. On the other hand, I wake up everyday and feel like something is missing. For a while, during my mid-20’s, I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. But all of a sudden, I had an epiphany. Actually, it wasn’t so much “all of a sudden” as it was slowly but surely, the light came on. Think less like flicking a light switch, more like building a campfire. The troubling part about it is that it took the major tragedy of my so far to turn that light on. If you’re unsure as to what I might be speaking of, let me expound: on July 27, 2007, I took my father to the hospital. Less than 2 months later, on September 7, 2007, he passed away. My father’s death left me feeling all alone in the world. Scratch that. My father’s death left me all alone in the world. When I say that to most people, they think that I have no family. that’s not the case. I actually have a really big family, but I’m somewhat estranged from them. I only see my family on certain holidays and those visits always feel so awkward. Because of that estrangement, I tend to not consider my family to be a part of my life, especially in times of need. And the death of my father could definitely be considered a time of need. It’s not as though there was no effort made. My mother came to see me while my father was in the hospital. I’ve never told her how much that meant to me. Maybe I will one day. But back to my subject…

The great realization that I came to while my father laid in a hospital bed fighting for and losing his life was that life was too short to continue doing the bulls**t that I had been doing up until that point (I know you wanna know what exactly I was doing, but this not the time nor place). But this realization punched me right in my soul, especially on the day my father died. Like any normal person, I spent a few months sulking and mourning. But once that period had passed, my need to settle down and start a family went into overdrive. That definitely was not a good look. I quickly started a relationship with a woman that I’m not sure I really had a future with. And by the time I was able to see the truth, we were living together and I was the victim of loving the wrong person. Life lesson learned. I still carry a picture of that woman in my wallet to serve as a reminder to never allow myself to fall into a situation like that again. But, the cautiousness has led me to be overly wary of just about any romantic relationship. Until now. That’s not to say that I’m ready to jump into a relationship right now. That’s nowhere near the case. But I’m open to the possibility of possibly being in a relationship in the (somewhat) near future. If you know me, you know that that’s definitely progress…

Ladies, Love Yourself…

Someone will always be prettier. Someone will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger. Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more things around the house.
So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.
Think about it!
The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.
And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.
And the richest woman you know, she’s got the car, the house, the clothes, but she might be lonely.
The word says, “If I have not Love, I am nothing.”
So, again, love you. Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say, “I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!”
“Winners make things happen, losers let things happen.”