Hello again! The last 24 hours of my life have been…. interesting. And because of the insanity that has ensued, I felt compelled to share it with all of you. Yesterday seemed like a normal day. I woke up, worked on some music & went to work. Little did I know the emotional hilarity that was waiting for me once I got off.

After I got off of work, I found myself missing a certain somebody. No, it wasn’t who you think. Like I said in my last entry, I no longer look at her like that. Romantic osmosis at its finest. But back to the story. Since I couldn’t see the person I wanted to see, I figured I might as well get in traffic and find something to do with my night. That was an epic failure, since I all could think to do was go get something to eat and return home to watch Sportscenter. Fun night, huh? As Sportscenter was beginning to lull me to sleep, I noticed a post on Facebook that caught my attention. I decided to contact this person to see if I could get some late night entertainment. Because of the “history” we have, this person misread my intentions in contacting them. Now, while my intentions were purely carnal, I have a feeling that this woman assumed there was more to it.

This gave my life pause. Just a month ago, this very same woman made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t interested in me romantically. She insisted that I shouldn’t want her in that way. She presented a very compelling & convincing argument. So now that I’ve decided to adopt her philosophy on us being together, has she changed her mind? Maybe she doesn’t believe that I could get over her so easily. Or has she changed her way of thinking and doesn’t know how to express that without losing face?

What’s the accepted protocol for when someone loses interest in you? Do you continue on with life as if nothing happened? Does your interest in that person spike because their interest in you has plummeted? Should you question your romantic prowess because you couldn’t keep an admirer interested?

This is the first blog entry that I am writing on my Android cell phone. If this goes well, I may start blogging more often while I’m on the go. But on to the topic of today’s entry…

If you have been following along, you should remember the saga that is known as “The Woman of My…” and the emotional rollercoaster I put myself on when it comes to her. Well kids, that feels as if it has ran it’s course. It was great fun (sarcasm) while it lasted and I would love to do it again (not really). I know what you’re thinking, “He was just professing his love a month or so ago, what happened?” That’s just it, nothing happened. I’m not saying that I expected her to drop everything and run into my arms like Scarlett O’Hara did in Gone With the Wind. She’s not that type of woman and our relationship wasn’t like that. That might have been the problem though. I am quite possibly the single-most romantic, gushy, sappy love song loving, wish my life was a romantic comedy (gotta have some laughs in between all the love and angst) people I know. “The Woman of My…” is not. Or at least she’s not when it comes to me. And we have all experienced unrequited love before. It might be the purest, and therefore the rarest, type of romantic love known to man; but that shit is no fucking fun if you’re on the unreciprocated end. Everyone loves to be chased but how many of us would do the chasing, knowing that we’ll never snare our prey? Exactly, none of us would. So I have made a conscious decision to stand down. Now, that doesn’t mean I don’t still have very strong feelings for this woman because I do. This simply means that her level of disinterest have rubbed off on me. Let’s just call it romantic osmosis. Lets face it, a person can only bang their head against a brick wall for so long before they either realize its futile and stop or develop serious brain damage. The same can be said for throwing your heart into Love’s Blender. You’re either gonna learn the lesson or end up with a destroyed heart. I’m simply choosing the former so I can forgo the latter. I was asked by someone if this end of Wile E. Coyete-esque pursuit meant that I wouldn’t accept “The Woman of My…” if she ever turned the tide on me. I honestly don’t know. I would think that if (and that’s one gigantic if) she were to ever become interested in me and I was single, that I would jump at the opportunity. The operative word in that sentence is think. In my heart and soul, I know she has made up her mind about her level of romantic interest or disinterest in me. I know it would take an act of God, a true miracle and quite possibly a papal decree for her to develop an inkling of the type of feelings I had for her. And I’m completely okay with that! Life moves on…

For most people and situations similar to mine, an end to the pursuit would be followed by an extended period of either self-deprecation or self-destructiveness. I guess its a good thing I’m different from most people. Its even better that my situation is not of the garden variety. But in the meantime, I’ll keep writing songs, quite possibly some poetry and continue loving me! Peace and love…

I was recently asked why I post so many entries that seemed to be aimed at women. Well… I have a lot of female friends, both on this website and in real life and I’m not a huge fan of seeing anybody I’m friends with be hurt. So I try to give honest advice from a man’s perspective. Hopefully it helps. With that being said, here’s some more “Pearls of Wisdom”

1. All men are NOT dogs. Don’t judge us by our worst specimens.
2. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
3. Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
4. Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
5. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. Don’t stay because you think it will get better. You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
8. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.
9. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are, and you’re always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
10. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.
12. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then HELL no, you can’t be friends. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
13. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
14. Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
15. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
16. Never borrow someone else’s man. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
17. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
18. You should not be the one doing all the bending, compromise is a two-way street.
19. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage, deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
20. Dating is fun. Even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right, there’s nothing wrong with Mr. Right Now.
21. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are, even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
22. Never let a man define who you are.
23. Never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

After reading through my entries, I came across a subject that I really wanted to touch on again. And since most of us just celebrated Valentine’s Day, I figured this was the best time to do so.

6 months removed from discussing this very same topic, I’ve noticed that my views haven’t changed much. I still feel like love is the most enigmatic force on Earth. I still feel that love gets a bad rap in certain situations, but the major difference between my thinking now and then might be that I find myself craving that type of connection more now than ever before. I’m not sure if that’s because I’m developing feelings for a certain individual or if its something else. Some might think that its just my biological clock ticking (yes! Men have a biological clock, too) but I’m more than sure its not. I’m just reaching the age when I think that people should be settling down and starting a family. And if it was just a chemical reaction to parameters that have been “established” by society, I would’ve been married with kids by now and those that know my history know what kind of disaster that would be! I really believe that its a combination of the two. I’m at an age that beginning a family is the next great adventure in life and I think I might have found somebody that I would love to that with. But, what do I know, right?

Ladies, please read this for yourselves, as I have and pass it to all the women that you know who are in relationships, marriages or not. This is so deep and is speaking on some real stuff. READ IT ALL! I didn’t write it but I truly enjoyed the read. I think you will, too!

***THE RIGHT ONE***
First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it’s made on an emotional one. “What about love? Shouldn’t that be the third?” you ask. No, and I’ll tell you why. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right direction: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage.

Friendship is two people walking together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together. Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively – it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if you do date, use the time wisely to gather these facts.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family – the family of God?

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going in your direction, get off the bus and wait for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

Note -who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men and women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: “We love him because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself.

You need only one man – your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found. Again, WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you – this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making commitments – including the job market? Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation? Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person – and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with. You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complimentary. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts compliment yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way? This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complimentary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition. If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong.

This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel-because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive! God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love and acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to God, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive. So you decide. How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man? Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for what they truly desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs and no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Our prayer:
Dear Heavenly Father,
God I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should’ve been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me. As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me. Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus name. Amen.

Ladies, this is something you should definitely share with a friend, whether you are single or married. It is something to think about, When you ask is “He” the one!

I’m the guy who will text you every single morning to say good morning and every single night to say sweet dreams.
I’m the guy who will hold you when you’re crying and wipe away your tears.
I’m the guy who still thinks you’re beautiful with no makeup on, wearing sweats and a big t-shirt.
I’m the guy who won’t pressure you to do things you don’t want to do.
I’m the guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren’t feeling well.
I’m the guy who kisses you on the forehead.
I’m the guy who’ll randomly tickle you just to hear you giggle.
I’m the guy who doesn’t kiss and tell.
I’m the guy who actually listens to you when you talk.
I’m the guy who’s excited all day because I’m looking forward to our date that night.
I’m the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more.
I’m the guy who can’t help but smile when you walk into the room.
I’m the guy who’ll say “I love you” first because I’m not afraid to say it.
I’m the guy who’s perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling.
I’m the guy who won’t lie to you about where he’s going or where he’s been or who he’s been with.
I’m the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name.
I’m the guy who’s not afraid to tell his friends he loves you.
I’m the guy who doesn’t mess with other girls when I have you.
I’m the guy who doesn’t care about your imperfections and loves you more for them.
I’m the guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset.
I’M THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST WOMAN IN THE WORLD!
I am this guy. So the question is… Who wants me?