You Think You Know, But You Have No Idea… (For the 4th Time)

Posted on by under General

Good evening world! I hope this blog finds you in good health and even better spirits. As you can see by the title, I’m here to share more facts about myself that most people just don’t know. A little background before we get into it. I started this string of entries in January 2009 and have tried my hardest to be meticulous about posting a new version shortly after the New Year. Some of the items are repeated each year, but I try to add something new each time. So without further adieu, here we go…

1. I grew up as an only child and am JEALOUS of people who have siblings. I always have been and probably always will be. But if I had the choice to have siblings when I was a child, I don’t think I would really want them. I loved my childhood (for the most part).

2. I’m still probably one of the shyest people you will ever meet. I’ve been like that for years, but I’m better about approaching women now than I used to be. I still have my moments when I find it hard to speak, though.

3. I’m originally from Kansas City, MO but consider Atlanta, GA my hometown. It’s a long story as to why. Out of all the places I’ve lived, and the list is pretty long, Atlanta is the first place I felt like I fit in. I feel awkward when I go back to MO to visit. Which is one of the main reasons my visits are so spaced out. There are others, but I’m not sure this is the right forum to share those.

4. I’m still secretly insecure about my looks, which is why I love to go shopping. I always figured I could make up for not being the most attractive man if I was the best dressed. Its also one of the reasons I got tattoos. And while I’m better about not being so hard on myself, I still have a long way to go.

5. I originally got tattoos as a conversation starter. But now, my tattoos have taken on their own significant meanings, especially the one on the lower part of my upper right arm. Its my father’s nickname (Chief) in Arabic. I plan on getting more in the very near future. I thought about getting one covered up, but decided against it. I realized that my ink tells the story of my life.

6. After careful review, I realized I’ve only been in love once, and have only had 4 serious romantic relationships in 30+ years of living. I’m still waiting to find lucky lady #5, hopefully she’ll be the last relationship I enter in to.

7. I’m afraid of growing up, which keeps me from being able to commit to anything serious. But at the same time, I’m afraid of not progressing in my life. Which is why I’m prone to become frustrated by being single. I think single life is for people under the age of 25 and sociopaths. I’m neither.

8. I believe nothing is more important than family, but I avoid the vast majority of the members of my family like they have the plague. Its because I really am a creature of habits, and I spent a large portion of my life without them. So, I’ve got used to being without my family. I am trying to change that, especially since I’m approaching the point in my life when I want to start a family.

9. I don’t have a lot of friends. And the friends I do have, I consider to be family. In all honesty, I love them more than I love my real family. Which isn’t to say that I don’t love my family, but I love my friends more.

10. Speaking of friends, most of my friends are female. I’m not too sure why, though. But it has led to my sexuality being questioned on numerous occasions.

11. I love hard and fast. I can tell within a few social encounters what kind of feelings I’ll have for a woman. And once I fall for her, my feelings don’t go away easily. If she doesn’t feel the same way, I usually cut off all communications just to spare my feelings.

12. I love to write and have been writing since 1995! I actually have cried because I had writer’s block. I can still honestly count on my hand the number of people that knew that prior to this series of blog entries!

13. I’m seriously claustrophobic! I can’t even ride in small cars without getting really nervous. So if you ever are on an elevator with me and I get quiet and grab the rail, that’s why.

14. I really am a nice guy! I adopted my “asshole” persona in high school. It was my way of dealing with being rejected by a girl that I was head over heels for. Over the years, I’ve mellowed out but I still have my moments when I can be a real jerk. I’ve always said that one day I would drop the facade altogether, but the timing still doesn’t feel right. But it’ll happen one day. Maybe…

15. I really want kids and have felt that way for about 8 or 9 years, but I’m scared to death at the same time that I won’t be a good father. That fear has kept me from fully committing myself to a relationship so far.

16. I’m seriously considering going back to school, not only so that I can get my degree but I also want to join a fraternity. I’m really self-conscious about doing it, though. I’ll be 32 when I start taking classes and I haven’t been in a classroom in over 10 years. Plus, I’m not too sure what I would study. I’m leaning towards business, but that’s bound to change like the weather.

17. My birthday is Omega Psi Phi’s Founder’s Day and my dad was an Omega. But when I was in high school and thinking about going to college, I wanted to be a Kappa. The first time I said it to my dad, he punched me in the chest. When and/or if I go back to school, I wanna pledge Omega Psi Phi just for him.

18. I don’t like to talk about anything that’s bothering me, I tend to keep it to myself and try to write about it if it gets to the point that I feel the need to get it off my chest. But with the ever increasing prolonged periods of writer’s block that I’m prone to, that’s becoming more and more difficult. Maybe I’ll find somebody to talk to one day.

19. I’m really old fashioned, to an extent. I don’t believe in having kids out of wedlock, and I only want to get married once. I think that (along with some other factors that are mentioned above) has kept me from settling down or just running out and having a baby.

20. I believe nothing is more important than family, but I avoid the vast majority of the members of my family like they have the plague. Its because I really am a creature of habits, and I spent a large portion of my life without them. So, I’ve gotten used to being without my family. I really want to change that, especially since I’m approaching the point in my life when I want to start a family.

21. I’ve been diagnosed with depression, but refuse to take medication for it. But I have really valid reasons as to why. First, anything that has a side effect of “suicidal thoughts” doesn’t sound like something I want to put in my body. I can have suicidal thoughts on my own, I don’t need a pill for that. Secondly, I’m deathly afraid that anything a doctor would give me to combat depression would completely kill my vibe. While it might keep me from suffering through the low-end of the emotional spectrum, it might also prevent me from experiencing the high end. I know it sounds silly, but that’s how I feel.

That’s all I want to share for now. This might be the last year I do this, just because its becoming increasingly more difficult to come up with new things to share. Don’t hold me to that, though. You never know what this year might bring about. But in the meantime, if you have any questions, just ask. I don’t bite. Unless you want me to, and that’s a conversation for another day. So until next time, peace and love…

Ain’t It Funny? Don’t Ya Think?

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

Once again, good evening world! Hopefully, this blog finds you in good health and even better spirits. I know what you’re thinking, “Didn’t he just post a poem because he said he couldn’t think of anything to write about?” Well, you’re absolutely right! I literally just posted a poem and then I was struck by inspiration. At least I think it was inspiration, it might’ve been a stoke. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a stroke because I still have full control of all my bodily functions and don’t feel particularly strokish right now. But I digress…

Now I know you’re wondering, what kind of inspiration could hit me in just a few seconds. Well, that’s the funny part. I literally was hit with a spark all because of a Facebook notification (gotta love FB sometimes). Once again, I know what you’re thinking, “What kind of notification was that?” It wasn’t so much about the notification itself as it was the person that caused it to happen. Yes ladies and gentlemen, this is another diatribe about a woman that has caught my eye.

Before I begin, let me warn you. Unlike most of my entries, this is completely off-the-cuff. Not sure what that means? Well, basically that means I’m prone to repeating myself and some of thoughts might not be completely coherent. But it will all be grammatically correct, I’m not a monster. Furthermore, because I haven’t taken the time to mentally outline my thoughts, everything I say write will be completely unfiltered. So there’s a good chance I might say write something that is potentially embarrassing to me, my loved ones and quite possibly the subject of this post. Still wanna keep reading? Good, let’s get started…

Have you ever interacted with someone and they find a way to completely ensnare you with even the simplest of things? Neither had I until I had the good fortune of coming across this lady. Since we “met” last year, I can’t seem to get her out of my mind. Please believe me when I say that no woman has ever had me this enthralled without doing something completely spectacular to capture my attention. I find myself thinking about her on a pretty regular basis. There are songs that remind me of her and when i hear them, I listen to them over and over again. I ain’t trying to say I’m in love, but damn, this is more than the average “She’s pretty easy on the eyes” reaction that most women get from me nowadays.

Up until this point, I’ve been pretty vague about the circumstances of my connection to this woman. Let me stop that now. As of today, we have yet to physically meet. We’re FB friends, we’ve shared a few text message conversations, talked on the phone a few times but I have yet to lay my eyes on her. And that kills me. If this woman has managed to capture my heart pique my interest purely through electronic communication, what chance do I stand in person? We all know that I’m nothing more than a quivering mass of mushy, romantic ass, man jelly. What happens when my real-life version of the movie You’ve Got Mail comes to climatic scene where the two protagonists meet? What if she doesn’t meet my standards I don’t meet her standards? What if she’s not interested in me the same way? If that was to happen, I seriously think my heart would push its way out of my chest cavity and commit Harakiri on the spot. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but what else would you expect from me? And if you don’t know what Harakiri is, well that’s what Wikipedia is for.

For those that know me (or have at least read a few of the entries in this blog), you know that I think of myself as the world’s largest walking contradiction. For just about every adjective you could use to describe me, you could also use the opposite and still be correct. This completely asinine and annoying character trait is most prevalent when examining my social/romantic life (or lack thereof at the present moment). When I’m around a group of people, I’m the life of the party. I’m outgoing, charming, witty, all that good shit. But let me get around a woman that I’m digging and I clam the fuck up. I start shaking like a leaf and shit, its just not a good look for me. I swear I hate that about myself.

Now, I know this is my first time mentioning, let alone devoting an entire post, to this woman. And there’s a very good reason for that. I’ve been trying my hardest failing miserably to put my thoughts and feelings about this woman into words. If there’s one thing I can do, its wax poetic about pretty much anything that comes to mind. Compound that with my mile-wide romantic streak, and you would think there would be volumes of sonnets written to and inspired by this woman. But there’s not. She literally has my silly ass tongue-tied. And that truly sucks because I have not been able to fully express how I feel. Hence the reason for this entry.

Now, that’s all I’m gonna share with you guys today. That’s not to say that my thoughts of this woman aren’t a little more in depth, but I have my reasons for not wanting to put them all out there right now. Mainly because I don’t want to scare her off if and/or when she decides to read this. So until next time, peace and love…

Something New (Inspired by Life and the Movie)

Posted on by under Poetry

Good evening world! I hope this blog once again finds you in good health and even better spirits. I know its been awhile, but that’s nothing new. On to what brings us together today.

Since my last entry, I’ve been finding myself logging on to WordPress and just staring at a blank screen, hoping that an idea would hit me. Obviously, nothing came to mind, so I decided to share some more poetry with you. Maybe next time, I’ll have something to say. But until then, enjoy!

Damn…
Of all the things that could come into my life and disrupt my plans
Why did it have to be her?
I was prepared for everything, even some stormy weather
But I never could’ve seen being blindsided by this woman
She’s the best and worst thing that could’ve happened to me
At a time when I thought I had all that I could need
Her name is Katrina, it’s appropriate I guess
Since she came through and made my world a bit of a mess
5’6″ with long blonde hair and the prettiest green eyes
She looked through me, into my soul and had me mesmerized
Our instant attraction was more than just alarming
Because I’ve never been one for “extra milk in my coffee”
Then she made me a latte’ just the way I like it
She got me to paint her nails, even made me go hiking
We were just having fun, being young and in love
It felt as if our relationship had been touched from above
And then the rest of the world stuck their noses in our life
“You 2 together just ain’t right, you’re black and she’s white”
Love may be blind but people sure as hell can see everything
Except the beauty of my feelings for her and hers for me
Interracial love isn’t some kind of fad, nor should it be taboo
If you open your heart, maybe you can get something new too

Love, Marriage & Everything In Between… (Just My Thoughts & Feelings)

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

Good morning world! I hope this blog finds you in good health and even better spirits. I know its been a while since I actually wrote to you guys, but I haven’t had much to say. Today, we’re gonna talk about probably one of my favorite and least favorite subjects, love. I know what you’re thinking, “How can it be a favorite and least favorite at the same damn time?” That’s simple, keep reading and you’ll find out.

Anybody that truly knows me knows I’m true romantic at heart. I’m the guy that watches romantic comedies. Not because I’m being forced to by my girlfriend/wife, but because I like to see people in love. That and Hollywood’s warped perception of the dynamics of romantic relationships is the funniest thing ever. But that’s a topic for another day, maybe.

As I sit here on this December morning at the ripe “old” age of 32, I find myself recounting my romantic history. I can count on a single hand the number of SERIOUS relationships I’ve had in my life. Of course, like any reasonably attractive male in America, I’ve had my fair share of casual relationships. And I’ve had more than my fair share of bullshit interactions with women to fill in the time in between something with a little more substance. But as I sit here and think of those handful of true romances, I realize that I’ve only been in love once in my life. That’s not to say that I didn’t have very strong feelings for all of the women that were more than just bit players in the grand production that is my life. Hell, I can say with a certain amount of certainty that I loved (and in some cases might still love) every woman that has played a significant role in my own personal Rom-Com. But, so far, there has only been one woman that I can truly say I was IN love with.

I think a lot of people don’t know the difference between LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone. That could be one of the reasons why the divorce rate in this country is so damn high. Who knows. I wish I could put into words what it means to be in love, but the experience is different for each person. So, I’ll try my best to describe what being in love was like for me. Hopefully, it’ll help. First off, all the cliches that you hear were true for me. I found myself thinking about her first thing in the morning and as I laid my head down each night. I was ready, willing and able to do anything that would bring a smile to her face. I placed her above myself in the hierarchy of my life, almost to my detriment at times. I loved her daughter as if she was my own. I lost track of “me” and focused solely on “us.” I know you’re probably thinking none of these things sound especially monumental, but they are to me. I’m probably one of the most self-centered people you will ever meet, but that’s because I only have myself to worry about. So for me to put someone else’s wants and needs ahead of my own is enormously significant.

For as grateful as I am to be able to say that I was in love with someone at some point in my life (because everybody is not that fortunate), I think it came a little too early in my life. I was in my mid-20’s and still smelling myself. While a part of me was ready to settle down the other half wanted to be on some Wilt Chamberlain type shit. Talk about a conflict of interest. I’m not sure if this internal strife led to the destruction of my relationship with this young lady, but I know it has kept me from truly committing to anyone since then. That’s not to say that I haven’t had offers, but I knew that I still needed to work on me a little bit more. Its hard to wholly give yourself to one person when you’re still trying to smash every PYT that walks past you. I’d rather be alone than be a cheater, I do have some kind of moral fiber.

So here I am, awaiting the chance to take on the next great adventure that my life has to offer me, married life and parenthood. And while I can have the former without the latter, I’m not one for reversing that. Did I lose some of you? Let me say it differently then. I’m at point in my life (and probably have been for the better part of 2-3 years) where I’m ready to be a husband and father. Its one thing I’ve never tried my hand at and I’m anxious and excited to do. And while I would be able to live with being a husband only (even though its not my preference), I can’t say thing about only being a father. No disrespect to any of you that had children out of wedlock, but that’s just not who I am. I was raised to believe that the title of husband was mandatory to become a father. I know that’s biologically correct (I’m not an idiot), but you know what I mean. Like I said before, I do have some kind of moral fiber. Once again, no disrespect to those of you that took a different path to parenthood.

I was raised to think that being a husband was the second greatest position a man could ever hold, second only to being a father. That’s why I have the hardest time understanding men that shy away from stepping up to the plate, especially when it comes to their children. I understand shit happens, relationships fall apart, condoms break, accidents happen. But if your actions resulted in the creation of a life (the only miracle that humans can pull off), be adult enough to shoulder the responsibility. Scratch that. Saying it like that makes it sound like a burden. While the financial, emotional and physical strain of having kids in today’s society might be daunting, no kid should ever be viewed as albatross that you’re forced to bear. Having kids is a privilege. A privilege that some people take for granted. If you don’t believe me, just ask someone that’s trying to have kids with no success.

I dream of the day that I have a son (even though I know I’m going to have a daughter. Karma is an evil bitch). I daydream about playing catch, teaching him to tie a tie, etc. I know it sounds like a bunch of sappy shit and some of you might not believe me, but these are thoughts that run rampant in my head. I pray on daily basis for the opportunity to be a husband and father. I just don’t get how everybody doesn’t feel like that. Okay, I can understand not wanting to be married, its not for everybody. I get that. But what kind of monster doesn’t want to be a parent? Especially if you already have children? Seriously, if you can’t get excited about being in your child’s life and seeing them become the person that God intends for them to be, you should kill yourself. Twice. Maybe three times just to be certain that you did it right.

My dreams of fatherhood doesn’t end with just me and my child. I have large scale dreams of grand and opulent wedding that all my family members and closest friends attend. My hours of REM sleep are spent envisioning a life that I want. Tasks and duties that would seem small and mundane to those that are already married or have no soul are the things I pine for. Like I said, I’m a romantic. While most people pray for a million dollars, I pray to meet the woman I’m going to spend my life with. I wish for a million dollars too, but I want the woman more.

I think that’s all I have for today. Actually its not, but where my train of thought is heading now would better be served as a separate entry. So maybe we’ll make that happen tomorrow, but I’m not making any promises. So until the next time we meet, peace and love…

Ink…

Posted on by under Rants & Random Ramblings

Good evening world! I hope this blog finds you in good health and even better spirits! Today’s topic is something that is very near and dear to my heart: tattoos. I have ink, want more ink and love all the ink I have so far! At first I was gonna try and concentrate this entry on a specific issue pertaining to tattoos in our society, but decided against that.

I got my first tattoo as a teenager and was instantly hooked. Like most people, I was apprehensive about getting ink. I was scared it would hurt too much (what’s pleasure without a little bit of pain?), that the ink wouldn’t show up well on my skin, that I would regret them as I got older, I won’t be able to get a job, etc. All my excuses have been shown to be completely unfounded, especially in today’s society where it seems that almost everybody has tats. Its more of a shock to me to see members of my generation that don’t have ink. Almost everybody I know that has a tattoo either has multiple or plans to get more. There’s something about them that is highly addictive. I know what some of you might be thinking, “Your body is a temple.” That’s very true, so what’s wrong with making the temple a little more aesthetically pleasing? If you have a problem with tattoos, are you against any kind of body modification? Do your feelings extend to piercings? What about hair dye, contacts and plastic surgery? I personally feel like people should do whatever makes them happy, as long as its within reason. And its not my place to decide whats within reason, that’s solely up to the individual…

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One of the biggest arguments our parents (or at least those that don’t have ink of their own) used to scare us from getting tatted was that ink would make it infinitely harder for us to succeed in the real world. Everybody can’t be a celebrity or athlete, right? That argument is completely valid and utterly baseless at the same time. Let me explain. Having tattoos in places that can be easily covered up will never prevent a person from getting a job. You might not be able to get every job, but you won’t be chronically unemployed either. If you can’t hold down a job, you should think about examining the type of person you are, not the ink you have. But on the flip side, having tattoos in certain areas can hinder you from reaching certain plateaus in life. For example, nobody will ever give Lil’ Wayne a job as the CEO of a company if he were just Dwayne Carter. While you might be able to cover up the majority of his tattoos, what are you gonna do about the ink he has on his face and neck? The first thing you would think when you see him is that he’s a thug or criminal. It might not be true, but who’s really gonna take the time to figure that out? Your first impression is long lasting. That’s the thing I think my generation and those younger than me need to keep in mind. While tattoo acceptance has grown by leaps and bounds in the last 20 years, there are some stigmas and stereotypes that are so ingrained in the public consciousness that they might just be here to stay. But we also need to remember to not judge a book by its cover. Just because a person has tattoos, that doesn’t automatically classify them as a dredge on society. Its a fine line that we need to walk…

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As I look back, I have no regrets about my ink except the fact that I don’t have more and that’s something that can be easily fixed. That’s all the rambling I’m gonna do for today. If you have ink or if you don’t, I would love to hear your thoughts and feelings. Peace and love…
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My Birthday Revelations

Posted on by under General

Good morning world! I hope this finds you in good health and better spirits. For those of you that know me, and as you can see by the title, today is my birthday. Yay. I know that doesn’t exactly match the level of exuberance that the average person has when it comes to their birthday, but it perfectly fits how I’ve felt about this day for the last few years. And for some reason, I’m in even more of a funky mood today. Hell, I started this day off crying. Let me see if I can explain why…

Today is my 32nd birthday. There’s nothing particularly special about that age. I’ve past 30, I’m not even close to 40. For the fourth year, I’m spending my birthday without the presence of a significant other. For the fifth year, I’m “celebrating” without the presence of my father. Hell, for the third year, I’m “celebrating” without being gainfully employed. Each of those would be a buzz kill on its own, imagine dealing with all three at the same time. Not a good look…

But that’s not that has my heart heavy today. If you asked me 10 years ago what my life would be like on my 32nd birthday, I would have in no way described my current situation. I think that’s what bothers me the most. I’m not where I want to be and a part of me feels like I’ll never get there. In no way, shape or form am I a defeatist or pessimist. I have nothing but the utmost confidence in myself in most situations, but I have to be realistic. My odds of making all my dreams come true are slim and getting slimmer by the day. But I am one extremely exceptional individual, so you never know…

Don’t think that everything in my mind is gloomy about today. There was a point in time in my life that I didn’t think I would make it to my 25th birthday, let alone my 32nd. So for that I am extremely happy and feel truly blessed. That’s pretty much all I have for now. So until next time, peace and love…

Something That Really Grinds My Gears…

Posted on by under Rants & Random Ramblings

Good evening world! I hope this blog finds you in good health and high spirits. As you can see, I’m here to vent about something that really grinds my gears: people complaining about social network sites on those sites! Let me preface this by saying that I have no problem with anybody saying what’s on their mind. The freedom of speech and expression is something that I hold very near and dear to my heart. But some people either need to shut up or shut up when it comes to complaining about social network sites.

We’ve all seen this before: you sign on to Facebook or Twitter and you see someone talking about how much they hate the site and they’re gonna close their account. Personally, I think these people are full of shit and I tend to laugh relentlessly at them whenever I see those posts/tweets. And the reason I laugh is because as much as they complain, you see them back online the next day! So who are they fooling?

Now, I understand some of the issues people have with social networks: its too much drama and bullshit, too many people pretending to be something they’re not, etc. My response to that is look in the mirror to see who’s at fault for what you see. Let me explain that…

The beautiful (and hideous) thing about social networks is the fact that you can mold your experience to fit you. You don’t want to interact with a person? You don’t have to. Don’t like a certain feature? Don’t use it (with the exception of the Timeline on Facebook, that’s pretty much mandatory or will be soon). So I never really understand why people have so many complaints.

That’s pretty much all I’ve got for now, just wanted to get that off of my chest quick. So until next time, peace and love…

Reasons, Seasons, Lifetime

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

People come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They seem like a Godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

When a people come into your life for a SEASON, it`s because you turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation. your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

What I’m Looking For in “Her”

Posted on by under Love & Relationships

Good afternoon world! I hope today’s entry finds you in good health. Normally, I would take this time to apologize for not posting on a more regular basis. But I’ve come to realize that nobody that doesn’t receive a paycheck for blogging posts on a daily basis. So, we’ll skip over all of that and get right into what brings us here today…

Like every other reasonably attractive, single person in this country, I’ve been asked by several different people on several different occasions what exactly I’m looking for in a potential wife. And just like every other reasonably attractive, single person, I usually give some kind of generic ass, bullshit answer. Partially because its kind of hard to put into words exactly what you want and partially because I hate to be asked. I’m not big on being set up by well-meaning friends that feel like they can play matchmaker. But that’s neither here nor there. Now, I have tried to put into words what I’m looking for, you can find evidence of that in this very blog (look at the entry titled “Job Description”). But even that attempt wasn’t as detailed as some would like. Today, I’m gonna try to break it down as much as I can.

The idea for this entry came from the song, “Someone” by Musiq Soulchild. After I heard it earlier today, I replayed it and took time to listen to the lyrics. The things he said sounded like they were pretty in-line with what I’m looking for. Check them out for yourself…

I never wanted a woman that wanted me for my name or material things
See I always hope for a woman that’s so sure, emotionally secure with spiritual faith
A woman that I can trust with all of my secrets and even listen to all of my issues
A woman who never judge me or how I was, she deals with me strictly through love

Someone who will put up with the things loving me can bring but still be there to see us through
Someone who would put up with the strange and complicated things ’cause I would do the same for her too
Someone who I can be real with, ain’t gotta be perfect because loving one another is all that matters
It’s not hard to explain, so believe me when I say that I found all of that in you

All that I hope for a friendship that’s so pure, a girl I can talk to bout whatever is on my heart
A woman that needs me, that trust and believes me, that won’t take my kindness as some kind of weakness
A woman who bares her soul who is willing to let go, that wants me to lead her but knows how to take control
And when I am feeling down ’cause things are going wrong, she fills me up and makes me feel strong

Real talk, who doesn’t want somebody in their life that fits that description? But then I got to thinking, “That’s not enough to be qualify as a complete answer.” So, here are the list of qualities that I want my woman to have, in no particular order…

Creativity
I’m a writer, so naturally I want somebody that has some kind of creativity about them. That’s not to say that she has to be a writer as well, but she should have some kind of creative talent. Not because I would want her to pursue a career that used her talent, but because its hard to support and encourage a person to be creative when you aren’t capable of doing it yourself. I’m subject to random and drawn out bouts of writer’s block, I want someone that understands that it can be frustrating to not have those creative juices flowing. Plus, I’ve always been attracted to women that have some kind of talent, especially if its musically based…

Motherly Instincts
I feel like this is almost self-explanatory, but I’m pretty sure nobody thinks like I do. I want a woman that has that nurturing spirit that would make her a great mother. Not just for the sake of our kids, but for me too. I have the tendency to get down on myself sometimes, so I need somebody that can rub me on my back tell me eveything is gonna be okay. And while its hard to really know if that exists in a woman without her already being a mother, I’m slightly wary about becoming involved with women that already have kids. Let me see if I can explain this. As I’ve said before, I don’t have any kids but I definitely want some. And because I don’t have kids, I’ve never had to put the wants and needs of someone else above my own. So, in an ideal world, I would like to have time to travel with my wife before we have kids. Plus, a woman with a child comes with a father for that child in most cases. In my experience, that extra person and personality has never been the easiest to deal with. I’m not a fan of drama, unless its on a TV show. And even then, I can only take it small doses. That’s not to say that any woman with kids is automatically disqualified in my eyes, or that all baby mama/baby daddy relationships are full of strife. Yeah, I think I’ve put my foot in my mouth far enough in regards to this, so I’ll move on…

Sense of Style
338401_10150336075277444_614262443_8275454_725067855_oI’m a stylish dude (as you can see in the picture to the left). I like to dress nice on a regular basis pretty much every time I walk out the door. What can I say? I don’t believe in leaving the house without making sure I look like I’m going somewhere, even if I’m just running to the store. Its the way I was raised. My dad started me out at a very early age, so those thought processes are totally ingrained into the fabric of my personality. With that being said, I definitely can’t be with a woman that doesn’t feel the same way to some level. What I look like stepping out looking like a million bucks and the lady on my arm looks the exact opposite? This is non-negotiable, to an extent. Now, I don’t expect any woman I become involved with to be as fashion savvy I am. Let’s be honest, if this was a hard limit, I’d be running the risk of being single for the rest of my life. But I do expect her to be able to dress herself.

Confidence and/or High Self-Esteem
Once again, this should be self-explanatory. But let me waste some words explaining myself anyway. I’m a pretty confident guy. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that I’m borderline conceited, even though I don’t see it. With that being said, I want need a woman that is confident in who she is. If there’s one thing that will turn me off almost instantly, its a woman with low self-esteem. Especially, if she lets other people’s negative opinions of her define how she feels about herself. Its called SELF-esteem for a reason!

Sense of Humor
I’m goofy dude. I like to act silly when the time is appropriate. Hell, sometimes I like to act silly when its inappropriate, just because the situation feels a little too stuffy. I like to keep the mood around me light. I’m not a fan of frowning. I love to smile. I believe laughing will keep me feeling young well into my golden years. Any woman that can’t have some fun and laugh (especially at herself) can’t kick it with me.

Intelligence
Let me make sure something is abundantly clear on this one. I am not talking about having a certain level of education. I’m only a high school graduate, so what would I look like requiring my future wife to have a master’s degree or higher? Pretty damn stupid, right? But she’s gotta be able to talk about more than what’s happening on RHOA, the new season of Love & Hip-Hop or when Trey Songz’s new album is coming out. I get bored easily, beauty fades and we have to leave the bedroom at some point. So she better be able to pique my interests and hold my attention in other ways. This is definitely non-negotiable!

The “First Lady” Factor
Real talk, forget about Jay-Z and Beyoncé (sorry, Hov & B). This is the new definition of a power couple. And I think a lot of it is because of her. She handles house and home while he’s out running the free world and she always comes across as his biggest supporter. Michelle Obama seems like the kind of woman that will make a man believe he can achieve any goal, wish, aspiration or dream his mind or heart can come up with. Any man that has even a sliver of ambition in his body needs a woman like that in his life. And I have more than my fair share of ambition and dreams I want to fulfill, so I need a woman that’ll make me believe I can do it all and is willing to get her hands dirty to help if needs be. My dreams don’t have to become her dreams, but she should be able to see my vision and do her part to keep me motivated. Which leads me to…

Ambition
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, its a lazy, shiftless ass woman! Have some kind of ambition about you. Want to achieve something more in your life than just being a cum receptacle and baby factory for whatever man you end up with! Even if your dream is completely preposterous by normal people’s standards, have the drive to reach for it. How am I gonna reach the stars if my wife is nothing more than dead weight? I know this one sounds kind of bad, but I’m just being honest.

I think that’s all I got for today. Now I’m not trying to say that any woman I get involved with has to meet every requirement listed above, but she definitely needs to have a majority of them. Like I said, I get bored easily, so you got to be able to catch and keep my attention, and these are the qualities that I’ve noticed work best to do that. There are more, but these are the big ones. So until next time, peace and love…